Last post of the Year - and a late shuffle!

31st December is always a funny day - there really is a feeling of fresh start and new hope for a new year. This has been a lovely year in so many ways.

We won't be doing much tonight - my mum and stepdad are coming over and we are making a nice meal. I doubt we'll see the New Year in, I simply can't stay up until midnight at the moment! (Must turn the phone off though if we do go to bed!)

Here's my inaugural Friday shuffle - please bear in mind that there's not many tracks on the iPod at the moment as I only just started to put things on, so it could be a bit repetitive.

1. Shine - Take That
2. Perfect Day - Kirsty McColl
3. I Still Haven't found What I'm Looking For - Coco Freeman featuring U2
4. High - James Blunt
5. Untitled - Oasis
6. Frozen - Madonna
7. Mancunian Way - Take That ( this is quite a funny song, there's a big fly-over sort of thing linking east and west Manchester called the Mancunian Way, and I used to have to travel across it to work every day. If I still did, I would have to play this song whilst I did)
8. Here With Me - Dido
9. Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
10. I'm Not Brave - Kirsty McColl

Dix, Wonderwall was number 14 on the shuffle - not quite kismet today!

Not too bad - if you're going to have two repeated artists you can have worse than Oasis and Kirsty McColl.

There's a couple of my CDs that aren't recognised by iTunes and therefore have transferred with their titles as "track 1, track 2 etc". Is there any way of manually putting these in?

I don't really have any New Year's resolutions - I need to spend less time at work, as some of the time I spend there after school is chatting/procrastinating, and I don't have the time for that these days. I also don't want to put on too much weight, I think I'm about right for this stage in my pregnancy, about a stone, but I need to keep an eye on my chocolate and carbohydrate consumption. I want to spend less time on the Internet/crap tv. Most of my evenings are mindless surfing/staring at tv that usually I have seen before (Friends re-reuns on E4 usually). As a consequence I have read less and there are DVDs I haven't watched yet. There's a new facility on my cable to watch things that were on last week again and at your own pace ( a kind of low rent TiVo, so I could use that). My January resolution is to get things a bit more organised for the baby, starting with reorganising the bedrooms so that A is safely ensconsed in his new room before the baby comes. I have nearly paid off my credit cards, should be done by mid Feb (managed Christmas without using them at all!!! Yay me!!) so that will go towards my financial cushion for the unpaid part of maternity leave. Since I found out I was pregnant, and paid of my student overdraft, I have saved £100-£200 per month, so once they are paid off, that will go up to £400 per month. I should have 2 months salary saved by the time I'm not paid any more. So that needs to be kept on track, which is another reason to start getting things together for the baby gradually rather than all in one go. Luckily, I don't need anything big, just clothes, nappies and bottles etc ( still needed even though I am really hoping to breastfeed again).

So actually, that looks like quite a lot!

Happy New Year to all those who read this little blog. It's two years old this week! Hurray!

I am still here!

I think I've had the opposite of that NaNoWriMo or whatever it was called this month. I just couldn't be a****d to write,even though I have thought about it lots...

Had a lovely Christmas, with lots of friends and family, food and chocolates. Yum. I've not really missed wine too much either, although i did find a nice 5.5% pinot grigio spritzer at Sainsbury's which i had a couple of glasses of over the festive period.

We're in the middle of rearranging all the furniture in the house to convert our dining room into a playroom, as I am feeling the need to use the space in the house more effectively, and until now, the dining room has been a "dressed" room rather than a functional one. God I'm knackered! Hopefully we will get it finished in the next couple of hours, I'm sure me blogging whilst A watches Nick Jr is really helpful to the cause.

The big news is that I have an iPod! I got it for Christmas, and I am very excited to join the Friday shuffle gang, apart from I only have one album (Take That) and three random songs purchased from iTunes on it at the moment. However, tonight's job is to put a load more stuff on it so that I am ready for tomorrow's inaugural shuffle. Very very excited, also because she is a beautiful, red (the one that gives money to AIDS charities) iPod, christened Scarlett O'Hara. I love her! I also got some nice jewellery from Pilgrim, some lovely Aromatics Elyxir goodies, some cash and a stylish compost pot for the kitchen. I'm rather pleased. A had a great time, and it is lovely to all be at home together - it's doing us the world of good.

In pregnancy news, all is well, although I suspect I have been doing too much as I am pretty sleepy (not like the first few weeks though!). Lots of movement, and then 20 week scan looms on the 9th Jan, which is a real milestone. I can't help but have little niggly worries about it, but whatever will be will be.

Had a crap week

Just loads of crap to deal with. Christmas in a primary school is not something that any sane person needs to have to deal with.

Baby is really moving about now (apparently it is 10cm long) which is nice as it makes me feel more like it's real. As I worked for the NHS when I had A, I had a midwife appointment every week, heard the heartbeat every week etc. It's not like that in the real world.

I am sleeping really heavily at the moment - rudely awoken by the alarm each morning, usually from a very vivid dream. This morning's was me in a hotel lobby in New York with a man who is not my husband (!) and I had just drunk a very delicious gin and tonic (I could really TASTE it in my dream). We were about to go upstairs together but we couldn't because we were on the 25th floor, and the stairwell got smaller and smaller and narrower and narrower, so we couldn't fit. Whenever I dream about being with other men, and it does happen, hey, I am not responsible!, I am never actually unfaithful, something always happens to stop me. Something distinctly Freudian there I think. And then the alarm went off, and I was very bewildered.

I bought the most fantastic CD this week, Rhythms Del Mundo. It's fantastic, loads of really great songs like Clocks by Coldplay and I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2, but done in a Cuban Salsa style. It's amazing, really uplifting, happy, makes you want to dance even though you've got a big old pregnant ass. I thoroughly recommend it to anyone and everyone.

Christmas shopping is sort of on its way to being done. Mostly on line, the days of being able to go and have a good old all day shop are long gone.

Where on earth have I been?

Well, nowhere really. Just pootling about, working, eating, sleeping (a lot), occasionally puking up, bleeding (very scary, happened in half term, but mainly brown and probably post coital, I've turned into a nympho), having a scan and getting a bump.

Also, I turned 35 this weekend, which was a bit of a milestone. When I turned 30, I had just had a baby and was breasfeeding. My sister left her husband that week. I turned 35, pregnant, and my sister got engaged to her new husband. Is there some kind of kismet/circulosity about that? (Circulosity: an excellent word just invented by me). If so, what is likely to happen when I am 40???

I had a nice birthday - saw lots of people I love and had a nice meal out in a fancy schmancy restaurant with three other couples which was lovely. I got some nice presents too, including a bag from M and S, some lovely Pilgrim jewellery, a big cheque from my Dad and some books and CDs and things.

Having the baby is feeling a lot more real now - seeing the scan was amazing! I'm sure that it is a girl, but then that may be me just being silly. I always knew that A was a boy though.

In which I participate in history, have the longest "quick lie down" ever, and eat too many satsumas

Here

I heard about this over the weekend, but the lovely Moxie reminded me about it today.

I awoke at 4.30am, having decided to have a "quick lie down" at 7.15 pm after putting A to bed. I was fully dressed and wearing stilleto boots (oo-er missus). I had MISSED MY TEA. M had come home from the gym and left me to it. I can't quite believe that it happened. Anyway, I had to get up to use the bathroom, so got into my pjs in the pitch black. I really only dozed after that, so I am not exactly not tired today either.

I've been working on one of my big projects at school today, reviewing each child's IEP (Individual Education Plan) who is on the Special Needs Register. It's been rewarding, but tiring, as it's been like a day and a half of Parents' Evening solid. It's half term from this Friday, so at least that's something to look forward to. It also means that I haven't been in the classroom for a day and a half, which I found rather difficult as I've missed the children and couldn't wait to get back to them. I really love my class and teaching them this year, I will feel bad about leaving them at Easter.

Satsumas are back in the shops! Yay, the Christmas feeling is really on it's way! I bought two nets on a BOGOF at the weekend and ate five of them today. I realise five is a bit excessive, but they really are yummy and I need to be eating some healthy stuff, even though my body is shouting "get me some carbohydrates now!!!!!" at every hour of the day.

I am a proud Mummy today, as A has not only been awarded a merit badge at school, but also been put up another level in his reading, which is really good!

Worry

So, I'm having a worry at the moment, basically because I have nothing to worry about. I feel brilliant. So brilliant that I am now absolutely convinced that I am not in fact pregnant, or that I once was and that something awful has happened, and now I am not really any more and I am going to have a horrible experience at my scan in ten days time.

Sickness/nausea? Gone. Tiredness? Well, yes, still there but not to the same extent. Sore boobies? Yes, but then half of me thinks perhaps that's because I'm wearing a bra 24 hours a day. I AM eating for England, but I think that's just me reacting to two and a half years of WW and scoffing whatever I fancy. That really has to stop, because I don't want to end up undoing ALL the good work I've done. Plus, I'm getting a taste for full fat ice cream and chocolate... I even managed to drink a cup of coffee this morning, the first one for five weeks. I am more or less not able to wear my fitted trousers comfortably, but then given the amount of food that I'm scoffing, I'm not really surprised about that.

Thing is, I'm only coming up to nine weeks, so really, if previous experience is anything to go by, I should be feeling like death around now, but I don't. I know that work distracts me, and obviously I have A now, and can't mope around, but really I feel worried that I feel so - normal, for want of a better word. I have wondered if I might be further on than I thought, if maybe my August period wasn't really a period, and now I'm out of the first trimester, but I think I'm grasping at straws there.

I think it's because deep down inside, I don't really feel like I deserve this. That sounds wierd I know, but I can't truly believe that I'm going to get exactly what I've wanted and that everything is going to be okay. This is a worry that pops into my head all day long, and I can't articulate it aloud, because I can't make it real. So by writing it down, I'm trying to exorcise it from my brain, make it real and see it for what it is.

My SIL had a lovely baby boy, O , on Tuesday, and seeing the photos made me LONG for this baby - so did looking at (pink) baby clothes in the Next Directory last night. Pink or blue, I really don't mind, healthy will do.

The new structure was announced at work this week. I'm definitely going to go for the new role, but as a back up, for the role that I'm in now as well (we all have to reapply for our management positions). There are going to be four roles at the level I'm applying for, so that feels nice - having peers and smaller departments to cover. I feel more like it's the job for me now I've seen where it fits into the structure.

Going for a pampering afternoon for a friend's birthday this afternoon, which should be nice. Mike is taking A to see his Dad, so I've got some "me" time. Lovely.

Carbs, glorious carbs

Well, all is going well, apart from major exhaustion and a need to eat my entire bodyweight in carbohydrates at regular intervals (and that's some loaf of bread believe me!) Made the mistake of going to Sainsbury's tonight whilst ravenous and came home with two loaves of bread, a fruit loaf, a pack of Boasters, ice cream, potatoheads, and FOUR magazines (two crappy celeb, one intellectual, one food) I think i only bought the food one because there was a free sample of Green and Black's butterscotch chocolate on the front - my FAVE.

I am working my balls off at the moment, but it's all good in my quest to prove that a pregnant woman can be considered for a senior role in the workplace. Plus, I do really love it - I feel the work/life balance is pretty good at the moment.

Scooby Dooby Dooo!

Had a nice weekend - went to a friends for dinner on Saturday and having had a two hour nap in the afternoon, managed until 11.45pm - result! On five no alcohol beers!! Had a lovely evening, a real laugh and fun time! Paid for it yesterday though - totally knackered and felt really sick all day. We had already decided to take A to his favourite restaurant, OCA yesterday, but I was so knackered I couldn't fancy anything - I needed to eat, so I chose mardy dough balls and canneloni as blandish and comforting - couldn't even stomach a pudding!! Went to bed the same time as Alfie last night, and feel tons better today - could've fallen asleep in my classroom this afternoon, mind, but not been quite as nauseaous. Came home and had toast and marmite and a strawberry and banana smoothie with pomegrante juice and feel very earth mothery. Home made casserole for tea smelling good!

Spoke to the hospital today - the GP misled me and I am actually going to be having a scan on 26th October, not waiting until 18 weeks, which is great. I feel like I am really showing today.

I am really loving it that Alfie's favourite tv programmes at the moment are Scooby Doo and Tom and Jerry - the old classics are the very best! Plus, we actually enjoy them as well, as some children's programmes are a little bit wearing at times!

I've decided that being pg isn't going to stop me from going for a promotion at work. We'll need the money, and I reckon that I could do the job as well as anyone else could.

Hormonally Yours

So, it's the first real chance I've had to sit and take stock of my situation. Last weekend was ridiculously busy, as we went to London to a friend's wedding at Hampton Court. It was a nice day, but tiring, and expensive, and the IRONY of there being a free bar and me being teetotal was not lost on me. We were in bed for 10pm as we were knackered. Especially me. Naturally, thr friends we were with (it's a group of 10 friends and partners) sussed straight away that I was up the duff - when a known party girl is off the juice, there's usually only one reason. Everyone was really pleased for us. It did M and I good to get away for the weekend together, although relationships haven't been great for the rest of the week - hormones and shock have kicked in, more on that later.

As we pulled out of Euston on Sunday to come home, my mobile went off. My mother, looking after A for the weekend had somehow managed to deadlock our front door, which is a) a really tricky thing to do, and b) a really tricky thing to talk someone through undoing when you're on the 12.05 from Euston to Manchester Piccadilly and the signal on the phone keeps cutting out. Plus, my sister and niece had come over to spend the night, so the four of them were stuck outside our house in hot sun with no car keys (who ARE these people who don't keep all thier keys together?? This is why I am never stranded without car or housekeys - they are all together). I rang a couple of strong men friends, one of whom came around to our house and tried to get in. It's just too difficult to describe things like that over the phone, and it was so frustrating as had M or I been there we would have been able to do it. Eventually, they had to break the little pane of glass in the middle of the door and get in that way. There was a round of applause from the rest of the carraige when they finally got in.

The rest of the week has been quite tiring. Nausea has kicked in - I need to eat quite regularly, and I am being sensible. although I can't help panicking that a huge amount of weight is going to pile on. Lunchtime is a killer - tired and nauseauous, as well as after school. I was in bed at 9pm last night, unheard of for a Friday night. A few people know at school - the senior management, my three close friends and the two people I work most with, my co-teacher and teaching assistant. It's good that they do, because I must have looked pretty bad yesterday as two of them came and offered to take my class for a while yesterday afternoon. Interestingly, I do feel better in the classroom - the children take my mind off it.

Hormotional - watched the last episode of Dr Who on BBC3 last night and really really cried at the end when the Doctor and Rose are parted forever. It's Sci-Fi for God's sake!! And I'd seen it before!!! Feel grumpy with M because he's grumpy. M gets stressed when I am pregnant, he wants the end product, but would prefer it to be delivered from Tesco, he is not good with the whole thing. I do try to understand, but what I actually need at the moment is support and love while I'm feeling crap, not grumpiness. I'm also having a "what have we done?" moment, and thoughts about how we've upset our lovely life keep sliding into my head, and I don't know why. I was so sure and clear about it before, but now I'm panicking. Is this normal????? Help???

The Low Down

About ten days ago, I did a pg test, and it was negative. Two days later, I got up with A at 7am and made a cup of coffee. I love coffee, but it tasted awful and really bitter. I wondered then whether I had had a false negative (at this point I was three days late) so I went to get another test I had upstairs - and dropped it down the toilet!!

So when I woke Mike up, after getting him to check the coffee (it was fine for him) I went to Tesco and bought a three pack of clearblues. Came home, did the first one, and within 10 seconds it came up with "Pregnant"!

Obviously we are overjoyed, and in particular, me, as I had really thought that it wasn't meant to be. We haven't told A yet, mainly because I think he would say something at school and I don't really want any of the parents knowing yet. Apart from that we are telling friends and family because I am very much of the opinion that if God forbid, something were to happen, I would need thier support.

So, I'm due on the 23rd May - I think that we get too hung up on dates and things, so I'm just thinking May, rather than a specific date. I saw my GP today, which to be honest was anti climactic to say the least, and it would seem that where I live, nothing happens until 18 weeks, when I get scanned, blood tests, midwife appointment etc, which seems like ages away.

No terrible symptoms, tired, stretchy feeling in my abdomen, starving hungry, and had a couple of waves of feeling sick - but with A, the real nausea and vomiting kicked in at about 6/7 weeks, so we shall see. Oh and boobs like torpedoes. Some would say no change there.

Blimey

I'm pregnant.

I am almost 35 years old, and still I don't understand myself

I think that that's all I need to say. All I can really say.

In the Middle of the Night/He was talking in my sleep (apologies to Billy Joel)

One of the advantages of having the holidays is that I have had a chance to catch up and really properly read other blogs. Jeez I am boring. I read Poppy, and Dixie, Moxie and Sally (hey, all ending in an "ee" sound! Like me!) and they completely absorb and interest me, and indeed the others that read them. My blog is like I am some kind of fourteen year old; "Dear Diary, today I had weetabix for my birthday, zzzzzz......"

I need to make a blogging resolution - that there should be more about my thoughts. I am a reasonably amusing person, but I read like a piece of soggy cauliflower.

Last night I HAD to get out - rang up my mate C who lives at the bottom of my road and we had a girls road trip to a retail park (I know, I know, but this is the UK, it was there or a pub). I treated myself to the swirl print kaftan on this page which I will (and indeed am) wear over a vest and jeans rather than a swimsuit, as a swimsuit isn't high on my agenda at the moment. I think I am just in a bizarre place where I know I am back at work on Monday and there's a countdown that relentlessly is taking me there and there's nothing I can do about it - it's a sort of no-man's land. Oh and:

An Open Letter

Dear Man Who Walked Down My Road At 3.30am today,

I have no idea whether you were drunk or you are some kind of schizophrenic who has not taken his medication. I suspect a combination of the two. Thank you for the extraordinarily loud, nay, shouted conversation/argument you had with yourself/an invisible person/an extraordinarily quiet person. I had NO IDEA until that moment that what I really needed to do was to have a very early morning today. Naturally, initially I chose to ignore your salient advice to make the most of previously unchartered territory of the wee hours, and sillyly attempted to get back to sleep. However, after two hours of tossing and turning, I aceded to your superior knowledge and arose from my bed at 5.20am, and made the most of my day. Thank you for enabling me to laminate all my school resources and clean out and rearrange my kitchen cupboards this morning, whilst acquainting myself with the ITV Early News Hour and the beginning of the Sarah Kennedy show.

Without you, none of this would have been possible.

Signed, a woman who is so frigging tired, she cannot actually remember her name.

I am a Domestic Goddess today. I have made my first ever casserole. I realise that this is probably taught in some kind of beginner's "cook for yourself" class, but I must have missed that day, because although I am Queen of many other dishes, casseroles have just passed me by. So pride is in place.


PS Can anyone help me with the way to make this blog pretty? With Blogrolling and other pretty things and stuff? I know that you have to put it into the Template, but I really need a "one, do this, two do that..." set of instructions.Ta!

In the Middle of the Night/He was talking in my sleep (apologies to Billy Joel)

One of the advantages of having the holidays is that I have had a chance to catch up and really properly read other blogs. Jeez I am boring. I read Poppy, and Dixie, Moxie and Sally (hey, all ending in an "ee" sound! Like me!) and they completely absorb and interest me, and indeed the others that read them. My blog is like I am some kind of fourteen year old; "Dear Diary, today I had weetabix for my birthday, zzzzzz......"

I need to make a blogging resolution - that there should be more about my thoughts. I am a reasonably amusing person, but I read like a piece of soggy cauliflower.

Last night I HAD to get out - rang up my mate C who lives at the bottom of my road and we had a girls road trip to a retail park (I know, I know, but this is the UK, it was there or a pub). I treated myself to the swirl print kaftan on this page which I will (and indeed am) wear over a vest and jeans rather than a swimsuit, as a swimsuit isn't high on my agenda at the moment. I think I am just in a bizarre place where I know I am back at work on Monday and there's a countdown that relentlessly is taking me there and there's nothing I can do about it - it's a sort of no-man's land. Oh and:

An Open Letter

Dear Man Who Walked Down My Road At 3.30am today,

I have no idea whether you were drunk or you are some kind of schizophrenic who has not taken his medication. I suspect a combination of the two. Thank you for the extraordinarily loud, nay, shouted conversation/argument you had with yourself/an invisible person/an extraordinarily quiet person. I had NO IDEA until that moment that what I really needed to do was to have a very early morning today. Naturally, initially I chose to ignore your salient advice to make the most of previously unchartered territory of the wee hours, and sillyly attempted to get back to sleep. However, after two hours of tossing and turning, I aceded to your superior knowledge and arose from my bed at 5.20am, and made the most of my day. Thank you for enabling me to laminate all my school resources and clean out and rearrange my kitchen cupboards this morning, whilst acquainting myself with the ITV Early News Hour and the beginning of the Sarah Kennedy show.

Without you, none of this would have been possible.

Signed, a woman who is so frigging tired, she cannot actually remember her name.

I am a Domestic Goddess today. I have made my first ever casserole. I realise that this is probably taught in some kind of beginner's "cook for yourself" class, but I must have missed that day, because although I am Queen of many other dishes, casseroles have just passed me by. So pride is in place.


PS Can anyone help me with the way to make this blog pretty? With Blogrolling and other pretty things and stuff? I know that you have to put it into the Template, but I really need a "one, do this, two do that..." set of instructions.Ta!

*sob* Only a week to go

The school holidays will be over in a week's time. Where have they gone?? I thought that we would get bored and need ideas for keeping occupied, but we seem to have breezed through, with a nice balance of kids stuff, Mummy stuff, seeing people, being alone... I can't believe it's nearly over!!!

Not really looking forward to the beginning of term - nothing personal to school or the job or children (who seem absolutely gorgeous this year!) - just enjoying being at home, and feel very content and serene. Last year was a bit tumultuous at times (things I can't write about in a blog) and although generally I was very happy, and remain very happy, there are always niggles. I really hate politics at work, and yet my natural nosiness and "need to know" means that I can't help getting involved - not physically, but emotionally. Generally, I keep my opinions to myself, because on the whole, it's easier, but I know them and go over them in my head, if that makes sense. I really want to make a concerted effort to keep out of stuff this year.
My aim is to get on with stuff and do a good job, be nice to people, see no evil, hear no evil, and most importantly, speak no evil.

In other news, I have lost 6lb in two weeks (5 last week, 1 this week) which is good, although I still have another 10lbs to get to a happier weight, and then I'd ideally like another 2 stone off after that. One of the things I've really cut back on is *gasp* wine. I haven't had any since the weekend, and before that, the weekend before. I haven't really missed it, and I've found that I sleep better. Even a glass or two can have me awake at 5am after a crappy night. I've been drinking a bottle (330mls) of Becks no alcohol beer most evenings, and it's lovely, a real placebo. It reassured me that I hopsfully don't have a physical addiction to alcohol, but a habit of pouring a glass to relax - as the no alcohol stuff seems to do the trick fine. I have spent some time worrying about my wine consumption, and looking for signs that it's too much - whenever I mention that to anyone, like Mike, Mum, sister, they all say no way, which is good as you would think they'd be the ones who would be worrying about it if there was a problem. I do have a tendency to worry about stuff like that.

Mike and I are going out for a meal tonight, ostensiably to discuss possible move to the SW coast. I am really not very keen on the idea now at all. Having the big house party last weekend for A's birthday, with loads of great friends and family there made me think really hard about leaving my comfort zone and it scares the shit out of me. I love our house, I like my job, our support network is great... I hope we don't fall out over it.

I'm also coming to terms with the fact that there might not be another baby. I know it's only 4 months trying, but I really did think that it might have happened by now - stupid I know given previous experience. Supposedly, the problem that I had when I was trying to concieve last time is sorted out, but maybe not. I did promise Mike that we wouldn't go through the whole hospital/tests/medication route again, that we would practise a whole "if it's meant to be it's meant to be attitude". And I feel ok with that. I love my life with A. He's so much of a little man now, so independent, and I can devote my time to him. His life would be enhanced by a sibling, but then there are other things that he has like full attention of his parents instead. If it doesn't happen, I really think i might be ok about it. The thing I wouldn't have been ok with would have been not trying.

Happy Birthday to the best boy ever!!

Today my beautiful boy is five years old. He's changed my life completely and for the better. He is the funniest, most gorgeous, most interesting person ever born, and I thank God every day for him.

I can't quite believe that 5 years have passed - in lots of ways it's flown by, and in others it's been an eternity. I can't remember life before him.

I love you my darling baby boy - you had a lovely day today, and so did we.

xxxxxxxxx

Feeling so much better this morning. Last night, it was Robbie Williams, so it just goes to show that the brain is quite random, and it means nothing. M and I had a talk about moving last night that ended in me crying, which was not a bad thing (it wasn't a row at all) as it was quite cathartic. I feel very calm and relaxed today, and my lovely husband brought me coffee and my laptop in bed and cuddled me, all clean and gorgeous from his shower. It's a good start to the day.

Lots to do today, we are having a BBQ tomorrow, looking at the weather it will prolly end up as an indoor buffet! Shopping to do, plus a birthday cake to be made for a certain young man, who is having THREE celebrations this year - tomorrow for friends and family, Monday, the day itself, when he has chosed to go to Gullivers World and for a pizza, and a party for his schoolfriends at a soft play when they go back to school. He deserves it. Can't believe he is going to be 5! Where has this person gone?

I'm a Dreamer

When I'm at work, I seem to always dream about work - in the holidays it's a bit different. Two nights out of the last three I have had quite disturbing dreams about husbands of friends. In one of them, the wife was saying - here you go, you two, I'm letting you get on with it and encouraging us to get together (she wasn't there, it wasn't anything saucy like that!!) - and in the dream, I remember thinking "I don't think that this is what I actually want!" but feeling that I ought to - plus her husband (who is in RL very very handsome) didn't look like himself in the dream, looked a bit seedy and kissed like you were kissing a sink plunger. I woke up feeling really wierd.

Last nights was even wierder - concerned some very good friends. She was nowhere to be seen, but we appeared to be on holiday together. In my dream, he got in bed with me one night, and was whispering to me "I really fancy you, I know it's wrong, I want you so much, ever since I saw you in that red dress..." and in the dream, I was unbelievably aroused by that, but, pushed him away and told him that his wife is one of my dearest friends so he could forget it. Not, note, I don't fancy you or, actually I'm very happily married. I woke up feeling even more disturbed. and the images from my dream keep popping into my head.

What is it all about? All my life with M, I have had crushes on other people, although not for years, probably since before A was born. I think that's because M isn't the kind of man I expected to fall in love with - he's so placid and kind and loving, and I've always been turned on by the volatile, stronger personalitied kind of man. My worse crush ever was with someone who was the epitome of that, and it nearly broke M and I up, as this person, although with someone else too, admitted he felt the same, but knew that our personalities were too similar to make it work (I quote: "we'd never stop fighting, but then we'd never get out of bed either")

M and I are in a good place and we have been for years. I don't know why this is rearing its ugly head again after years of being underground. I'm feeling worried

Hello Aunt Flo

Say no more.

Thanks Sally, Mox and Dix for your comments on the last blog. I was very touched, you made me smile! I wasn't fishing for compliments (truly!) just trying to sort my head out, it's scary to see yourself caught unawares on video, I suppose for the mirror and the camera we unconsciously put ourselves into positions that we know are our best.

I am having a lazy day today (I am speaking from my bed - it's 9.30am!!) and A is in his PJs watching TV - he is on strict instructions to come up when Mr Men video has finished. Feeling mardy because of above, but also, when did I last veg in bed?? I have some plans for later involving cleaning the cars, so it's not all laziness

I have finished paying off my PGCE overdraft! Yessssss!!!! I celebrated by getting myself a pair of shoes I have coveted forever on ebay - and they were only £16 in my local shoe emporium here - and to think I could have paid £30 +p and p on ebay! They will of course cripple me and I have no place whatsoever to wear them, but that simply is not the point with shoes. Plus, I have sworn not to buy any clothes until I am back to a fighting weight, so shoes are the placebo.

I am Imelda Marcos

Girl on Film

Back from our week in Devon - which was a lovely holiday. We took the boys out for three days, and had a nice time, although two four year olds are a handful, especially when they are sharing a bedroom and not getting enough sleep... glad I didn't have twins! It's a strange experience spending a whole week at someone's house, you're not really a guest, more a housemate, and being me, I was very anxious not to be a burden - cue me getting up every morning with the boys, constantly stacking and unstacking the dishwasher and tidying up, and then taking the boys out. Cue me beginning to feel somewhat resentful. I don't help myself. I also became very frustrated by others' disorganisation - we spent most of Saturday driving to two beaches miles away and then wondering why we couldn't find a parking space in an extraordinarily busy Devon town. I am the kind of person who is at IKEA/Trafford Centre as it opens to avoid the crowds and get a good speck. I think there's some hormonal issues too (I will NOT say PMT as I am clinging on to hope this month) It's so beautiful down there, Mike and I are considering a move - at least we were last week, but now we're home I'm not so sure, although I know he still is. A week somewhere gorgeous is idyllic, but we really need to think with our heads and not our hearts - I certainly don't want to be worse off financially, and I would like to go part time at some point in the next few years. We're going to have a night out with a big pad and pen and try to thrash it out.

The other thing that happened last week was that our friend C video'd us getting off a little ferry. It is years since I saw myself on film, and despite the five stone off (more like four at the moment) it's not a pretty sight. I looked like a dumpy housewife. It was a real shock, as my slf image has been good recently, and I imagine myself as quite svelte in a curvy way these days - clearly this is not the case, although the extra baggage I am carrying right now won't help. It was rather depressing to say the least. I also have buck teeth and a big jaw. And very sturdy limbs. However, the thought of it is helping to keep me on the straight and narrow in terms of shedding the crept on stone at the moment. I don't know how I am doing as I was not at home to weigh last week. I tried very very hard, despite being on holiday. A couple of ice creams and a plate of chips did sneak in. Back home and on the waggon now, so fingers crossed.

Been in school yesterday and today. My new colleague is young and enthusiastic, and although initially I felt very threatened by this, I overcame that, and I am embracing her enthusiasm and ideas and now feel very keen and reinvigorated too. She's going to be very good for me, as I think I was in danger of becoming a little stale. Last year wasn't the greatest for me at work, mostly because of worrying about A, but things are settled now, so i have great expectations for next year. I would like today to be the last I am in school for a while though, I have been in every day that I have been at home - only when on holiday have I not been in.

First week of the holidays is over

I do feel like we've made a lot of the first week, which is great. Mike and I had a lovely weekend once I'd got over the sobbing. We went into Manchester and did grown up things like look around shops, have a leisurely lunch at a non child friendly restaurant (with wine!!) and um, buy A some clothes, and um, talk a lot about A... On Sunday we spent till 2pm in bed reading THREE Sunday papers and a celeb gossip magazine, which was fab, and then mooched around the Trafford Centre and went for a greek meal in the evening. Monday we were both in work, and A came home in the afternoon, so we took him and Mum out for tea. Result: A week of eating out for me!

On Tuesday we went camping here with some friends. It has been the hottest July ever this year, and August predicted to be even more so (which always makes me think of Stevie Wonder) so why in the name of all that is nameless did it absolutely throw it down for the whole holiday??? We arrived and the driving freezing rain made getting tents up a real challenge, but Mike and J, our friend worked really hard. The rain stopped at least once they were up and we could feed the children and ourselves, and have a few drinks, but started again in the night and was relentless for the rest of the day. We had to go to visit a steam railway and some caves because they were indoors, and had our tea at Pizza Hut in Harrogate. On thursday we had to pack up and go, and only then did the weather clear up - lovely sunshine. We went to Brimham Rocks.

Tomorrow we are off to Exeter to stay the week with our friends who moved there last year, so I'm looking forward to that - just ironing and packing to do today, which I really must get on with. When we get back there will be three weeks of the holiday left, which feels like a good way to do it - get the "formal" holiday over and done with and have the chilling out time at the end.

As a result of all the eating out and drinking wine and general lax behaviour in the healthy eating department I had a real shock when I got on the scales on Friday - a REAL shock. I am back on WW with a vengance as a result - there are some tight waistbands in the Zoe wardrobe and I can't afford to replace stuff. I have bought a new purple notebook to write everything down in and dusted down the books. I'm not bothered about getting to goal, but I do want to go back to where I was at my lowest.

Had a really good haircut yesterday and very subtle highlights - I'm really pleased!

Sobbing

Is what me and A have just done as he left for my Mum's with Mike. I was NOT expecting that. Not from him anyway, I sob uncontrollably at most things. I did double check with him that he wanted to go (not sure Mike was too keen on cancelling the weekend, but his feelings are irrelevant ;) )and he does still want to, and he will have a great time. This is the third year he has been for the weekend and he's never done that before.

God parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster.

Nearly sorted out my room at school.

Hurray, hurray, it's a holi-holiday

Thank God, the term is finished. Each term seems to follow a pattern - as it gets towards the end, I seem to get busier and busier and eat more and more crap and drink more wine. This one is no exception.

We are all knackered and we all have to swap rooms this year, so everyone is stressed and a bit snappy, which we could do without.

I had a nice last day today - lots of nice presents, but mostly what was nice was some of the lovely letters and cards from parents. Considering I haven't really enjoyed this class so much this year a lot of the time, I really didn't think I'd done that much of a good job this year, but there you go.

I'm really looking forward to the holidays - we've some nice things planned but mainly I just want a rest. A is going to stay with my Mum for the weekend tomorrow, so I can have a couple of lie ins and M and I can spend some quality time together. I've bought a basque. Pity it's going to be too hot to wear it.

Bits and bobs

Well they were successful memes igniting lots of interest... hmmmm.

I have had a funny week. In the middle of it I built myself a huge crazy vine, the likes of which I haven't built for years - imagining all sorts of things were going to happen and convincing myself that people were thinking things about me/about to come and haul me over the coals for stuff. Luckily it didn't last very long, but it reminded me that that's not a good place to be! I'm glad that crazyville isn't a place I am very much these days.

It's been a crap month for baby making - hot, sticky, busy and we've both had debilitating summer colds at the optimum time - so I'm sort of dismissing July, and moving on to making August a hot loving month.

It's that time of year where the summer holidays are tantalisingly close, but still far away - this week has been Sports Days, Bastille Day, Sports Relief, assessments, and has been such a long week. Our weekend should be peaceful and family orientated (last one like that for a while) and we have some housework to do and I have promised Alfie a mummy/boy baking session, which is nice.

I'm having some real Mummy guilt at the moment, although I am lucky because I do see A during the working day, I am always so busy, there never seems to be enough hours in the day. He does seem perfectly happy, but I want to make sure that this summer we have lots of fun together.

I have a HUGE coldsore. I hope it goes in time for the Christening next weekend.

I don't care if you're bored of these, I'm having fun!

So, with this one, you copy and paste the questions into the comments and answer them - it's a giggle!

01. Who are you?
02. Are we friends?
03. When and how did we meet?
04. Do/Did you have a crush on me?
05. Would you kiss me?
06. Describe me in one word.
07. What was your first impression?
08. Do you still think that way about me now?
09. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When’s the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
14. Are you going to put this on your blog/journal and see what I say about you?

Another

20 years ago I was fourteen. That makes me feel old, I thought I was about six! I was fat with terrible hair and an awful complex about myself. I'd just got into amateur drama which was good for me in lots of ways and also taught me lots of bad habits. I wouldn't not do it though if I had the chance again. Mum and Dad were having a lovely acrimonious divorce and life was pretty crap. I thought too much about what others thought of me.

10 years ago I was working my arse off in a job that I thought was the be all and end all. i had just got married and was living in my first owned home. Euro 96 had just been on in the UK, and that summer we went to 132 weddings.

5 years ago today I was on the first day of my maternity leave. I was huge and uncomfortable and the weather was extremely hot. I was dead excited about the baby, and as usual, hyper organised so had very little to do except lounge around reading magazines and eating ice lollies.
3 years ago I was in France with M and A and Mum and tony. It was a great holiday, A was saying seven word sentences and had his first olives. I was about to start my teaching degree

1 year ago I was anxious about A finishing nursery and starting big school. I was waiting for my sister to have her baby. I had maintained my weight loss for one year

So far this year I have been amazed to find out that M wants another baby, realised that work isn't very important

Yesterday I had a lovely day with my husband and child and rather a lot of red wine

Today I am going out for my Dad's surprise birthday lunch

Tomorrow I am taking my class to thier school trip

In the next year I would like to lose another stone, get pregnant, decide where my career is going and make some decisions about home renovations

Stolen from Poppy!

The rules are that you are allowed to name up to three answers to each question. It's quite hard!

Song(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being:
Earthsong by Michael Jackson
Anything by Westlife

Artist(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being:
Michael Jackson
Gareth Gates
Westlife

Rolling Stones Song(s) I Love:
She's a Rainbow
Sympathy for the Devil
Jumpin' Jack Flash

Beatles Song(s) I Love:
The Long and Winding Road
Get Back
Hey Jude

Who Song(s) I Love:



Reggae Song(s) I Love:


Country Song(s) I Love:
It's Five O'Clock Somewhere - Jimmy Buffet
I Can't Make you Love Me - Bonnie Raitt (but the George Michael version)


Movie Soundtrack(s) I Love:
Bridget Jones' Diary
Chocolat

Musical soundtrack(s) I Love:
Cabaret
West Side Story
Evita

Cover Song(s) I Love:
I Can't make you Love me - George Michael
Love the One You're With - Will Young
Relight My Fire - Take That with Lulu

Contemporary Top-40 Artist(s) I Secretly Love:
I don't usually do secret - I'm usually out and proud about stuff I like. I'm liking The Zutons at the moment


Song(s) That Bring Me to Tears:
River - Joni Mitchell
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
Little Star - Madonna

Song(s) That Make Me Shake My Ass:
Groovejet - Spiller
Girls and Boys - Blur
Relight My fire - Take That

Classical Composer(s) I Love:
Mozart

Rap/Hip-Hop Song(s) I Love:
I quite like Golddigger by Kanye West

70s Disco Song(s) I Love:
Young Hearts Run Free - Candi Stanton


70s Supergroup Song(s) I Love:
Letter from America -Supertramp

Metal Song(s) I Love:
Always - Bon Jovi


New Wave Song(s) I Love:
Blue Monday - New Order
Atomic - Blondie
(spooky Poppy)


Soul/R&B Song(s) I Love:
Say a Little Prayer - Aretha Franklin
Let's Stay Together - Al Green

Power Ballad(s) I Love:
Does Weekend in new England by Barry Manilow count?


Pre 1950s Song(s) I Love:


Punk Song(s) I Love:
Teenage Kicks - The Undertones
Rock the Kasbah - The Clash

Singer/Songwriter Song(s) I Love:
Late in the Evening - Paul Simon
Cowboys and Angels - George Michael

MTV Video(s) I Love:
Relight my Fire - Take That


Songs To Have Sex To:
Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack
The entire "Moonsafari" album by Air

Guilty Pleasures:
Jack Johnson

Yay! Back with my own lappy!

Like my dear friend Sal, I am back in the land of my own laptop which is lovely news for me.

I had an unexpectedly good shop tonight, as is always the way. I just popped to the Trafford Centre to get my Dad a birthday present, and ended up in Mandolin, as over the weekend I had rearranged my wardrobe into seasons rather than colours (I realise I am coming across as boring as well as anal here) and realised that i don't have many short sleeved tops for the summer. I found four really nice tops in the sale, one black, one red, one pink and one brown, that will go with loads of stuff, and then I spotted a gorgeous cream jacket that will go really well with a black and cream skirt I bought in a sale. My niece is being christened in July and M and I area godparents along with Viv's boyfriend's sister L and her husband. L is very beautiful, a bit like Kelly Brook and also a bit bitchy (but with a smile on her face) so the issue of what to wear has been at the forefront. I got a wonderful dress in Monsoon over half term which I love and looks lovely, but shows A LOT of cleavage, which is not something I am ever adverse to, but is not always great on an altar at a Catholic Church. There are ways of covering it up (pashminas etc), but I'm still not sure. The other option is this skirt, but I really would need a jacket, anyway, I bought it, and it was VERRAH expensive (for me) but I like it and it's flattering so what the heck. If I'd deliberately gone out to get a jacket, it would never have been there.

Sugar Honey Iced Tea

God I had the most dreadful thing happen today.

We had our class assembly today (went exceptionally well) and about half an hour later, one of the little girls in our class complained of a tummy ache, so I sent her to the toilet. Then she began to cry so I called her over to me and she climbed on my knee. Her mum works in the nursery so I told her I would take her over to her mum as she seemed so ill - then I tried to get her to stand so I could take her. All of a sudden she began to wail and moan and went completely floppy and a ghastly shade of white/yellow/grey/green. I had a parent helper with me who is a nurse and she said"I think she's really not well", so we lay her down and S took her pulse and told me to call an ambulance. I had already sent one of the kids for a first aider and the parent helper next door for her mum, so I ran to the office and told them to call 999. I got back to class and sent the other children next door and then her mum arrived, and the Head. The wait for the ambulance seemed to take forever, her mum and the nurse were excellent. Eventually the paramedics arrived and took over, they took her to hospital.

What a nightmare. I had a good cry after that because I was scared shitless, I really thought that she would die in front of me.

It turns out that she has quite a minor thing, and is ok - her mum brought her back to see me and gave me some chocolates, but my God I was scared.

Did ya miss me?

I've been absent due to not having my own laptop and I'm a bit wary that M might find my blog because I'm using his, but what the heck. Sweetie, if you are reading this, then maybe go now, because this is my private place, okay? Love you.

Got my period again today after getting unneccesarily over-excited because I had got to day 28, after two 23 day cycles. I kept thinking all day today; "If I get through today..." and it held off until 5.30pm. I hate it when my body conspires against me. I do feel very mardy, because I really did think that this might be it. And it REALLY hurts.

Life has been okay though generally. Had a lovely half term, went to Centreparcs with all our friends, and then had a camping weekend with L and D who are great. Work is fine, friends are fine, family is fine, I absolutely do not have any complaints about anything. Apart from not being pregnant of course. (I think I might take a trip to the Doc once school has finished)

Bollocks

And more or less seconds after I posted the previous entry

My period arrived. So another 23 day cycle. Who knew this would happen? I have to admit, again I am pretty mardy about it. So is Mike, which is a good thing, and as I have suggested that we have (and I quote): " a really good go at it next month" I think teetoallism and blatent sluttish behaviour are the order of my June. Be warned.

Having a paranoid moment

Went out with work on Friday night. I had a manic day, school all day, then rushing around to get stuff sorted, then rushing A to a party at a sweaty hot play place with his friend and then getting him and aforesaid friend home with ten minutes to spare before being picked up to go out. As a result, I was very dehydrated, but stupidly got stuck into the wine, instead of knocking back some water. On Saturday I had the worst hangover I have had for years - banging head, thirst, exhaustion, copious vomiting - I didn't get out of my pjs until 4pm.

The thing is - I think I remember everything - but then if I had forgotten something I'd said or done, then I wouldn't remember it IYSWIM. I'm a bit worried that I did or said something I shouldn't have. I am usually pretty sensible about stuff like that, but there's always a first time. I am a bit ashamed of myself, and have pledged to be a non-drinker on the next staff night out. My friend from work says that I was fine, and that there were others who might have stuff to be worried about rather than me, but she might be making me feel better. I dunno.

It's half term now for the next two weeks, which is nice. A and I have lots planned and already we have had a nice evening with friends and then climbed Rivington Pike and been out for tea yesterday. Also, he is sleeping in later due to a slightly later holiday bedtime which is nice.

My AF is due this week (another reason not to have been excessively drinking - I really annoy myself sometimes; although A was conceived on a three week luxury cruise, so should have come out looking like a Singapore Sling) and I am nervously looking for signs one way or the other. My last cycle was 23 days, so by that I should come on today, but I will be anxiously waiting until the end of the week to see.

I really should post more

But I wonder what to write, and if I am even vaguely interesting to my small, but breathtakingly loyal band of readers, particularly as I don't even have a gorgeously cluttered blog due to my inept technical prowess, and not wanting to ask Mike to help as I don't want him to become a reader. It is the only minimalist thing in my life, as my home, wardrobe, bookshelves, CD shelves etc etc are all full and vibrant. So maybe that is a good thing - an area of calm with no photos, blogroll, gorgeous things about the moon and counters and stuff that I am jealous of on other sites.

I remain tired, although, natch, this morning, was awake quite early (Saturday, why not?) Luckily it's only a week until the half term holiday.

I did give myself a Friday night alcohol amnesty, only a half bottle, and bizarrely, the friend to whom I referred in my "I Miss" section of the last meme telephoned meand we had a nice chat, so that was a good thing. It makes me realise that i have matured so much over the years, because the state of our relationship would have been the cause of such angst to me tem years ago, but now I realise that these things are part of the ebb and flow of life, and that so long as contact is retaines, we will get back to a different place eventually, if it's meant to be. At work recently, we were talking about the best times of our livesm and I said that my favourite times have been my thirties - I'm settled and happy in a job I love, with a family I love, good friends, a nice home, and I'm at peace with myself. I can accept my physical and personality flaws in a way I was never able to before, and I don't automatically assume that I am inferior to everyone else.

Two things have happened this week to help me to consolidate my thoughts on this. The first thing was on Monday. At school, we start the day with five minutes aerobics - the same routine each day to the same music, and it changes each half term. The last two half terms, it has been my job, for various reasons, to lead this. Loads of parents stay to watch every day, and it was embarrassing at first, but then I just decided, well, sod it. Anyway, I met a mum from A's class when we were shopping in town on Monday, and she made a few hurtful comments about how i really "didn't have the figure for all that jumping up and down" - it was more in context that just bluntly like that, but I can't be bothered relating the whole conversation. That was a very difficult thing to hear, because despite significant weight loss, I am still a voluptuous lady, size 18 with big boobs and a tummy, and to be honest, her saying that was like my most inner fears about myself and how I looked coming and smacking me in the gob, and I was upset. But once I had calmed down, I was ok about it. I just thought, well, at least I've got the balls to do it, the kids have a great time, loads of people are very supportive and appreciative of it, and also, this particular woman is one of the mousiest, flat chested skinny women ever, with to be fair, not much in the personality department. So who would I really like to be?? Hands down, me. Yes, my boobs and belly probably do bounce up and down, but so what? It doesn't make me a bad person, and I would NEVER in a million years be so rude to someone else, or hurtful. Anyway, the next day, she hightailed it across the playground to me to apologise, saying had she upset me (I had been VERRAH dignified about it on the Monday) and I said that yes, she had, but I was over it. She was actually very upset, and blamed sleep deprivation (she has a young baby) and said "I'm really proud of you for doing it" (thanks for your patronising, love). But the main thing for me was that it happened, I dealt with it, it didn't hurt my heart past the initial stun, and I could make light of it.

The second thing was finding out that someone at work doens't like me. Now, I like to be liked, even in cyberspace, where people don't know me, so if I've ever found that someone doesn't like me, I've taken that hard. But when I examined the reasons for her not liking me, they were stupud, irrational, jealous reasons - there was absolutely nothing I could do about them. I have always been nice to that person, and everyone likes me more than her anyway. So I'm over it. Breakthrough.

Another thing was, I managed to spend the weekend with my Dad without there being an argument, emotional raking over of the past or irritation of each other. Out of the three of us children, I am the only one really who he does this with - he treats the other two with kid gloves. So often, I am the emotional punchbag(I give as good as I get, don't feel sorry for me), and this weekend, there was some sailing close to the wind, but I managed to deflect it, and keep everything on an even keel, because what's to be gained? It's 22 years since my parents split up, they are both married to other people and happy. The past is the past, we all get on now (including Mum and Dad) so why bother with the whys and wherefores of when we haven't? To be honest, a lot of what I went through served to make me the person I am today; sensitive to others feelings, a peacemaker, a determined wife and mother... so it's not all bad really.

I think I might finally be a grown up.

I...

I AM: tired. OFSTED, some stress at work that isn't about me, but affects me, general working hard with 26 five and six year olds all dayhas made me the tiredest I have been for a while. Hell, I even need the alarm to wake me at the moment, and that hasn't happened for a LONG time

I WANT: to have the best relationship with my son (and hopefully another. Child that is, gender:irrelevant) I want him to sya when he is older: "I had a great childhood, I loved my Mum and Dad so much, and I still do now." And I want to be pregnant.

I WISH: that I could quickly get rid of the 1/2 stone that has crept on whilst I wasn't paying attention

I HATE: walnuts, brazil nuts, hazelnuts, liver and dark chocolate

I MISS: my best friend, who has had a personality change since having a baby. I feel sad about that because I went to great lengths to ensure that I made time for others in my life when A was small. And her bebe is 18 months now.

I FEAR: something dreadful happening to Alfie

I HEAR: things that I shouldn't. I seem to have an innate ability to overhear or be party to, stuff that I shouldn't, and I am not someone who listens at doors or sneaks about. It just happens.

I WONDER: if I will get pregnant again

I REGRET: not sowing my wild oats

I AM NOT: drinking until half term. I really will try (but may give myself a Friday Amnesty tomorrow)

I DANCE: pretty well for a big girl

I SING: constantly. A song for every occasion and for every occasion, a song

I CRY: quite a bit, especially when tired, and more so since I had A. Adverts, soap operas, cheesy magazine stories...

I AM NOT ALWAYS: very Christian. I can be the biggest bitch in the whole world and I have a wicked tongue and a clever bite

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: food mainly. I don't knit, or draw, or have any hobbies really.

I WRITE: neatly. And in quite a boring style

I CONFUSE: left and right, Tuesday and Thursday

I NEED: nothing really. I truly have everything I desire. (Even full cupboards; Tesco came yesterday).

I SHOULD: do something more constructive with my evenings than veg on the sofa

I START: to worry about whether people still like me when I note that they are in a bad mood

I FINISH: off Alfie's food when I shouldn't. Luckily, he doesn't leave much

I TAG: Sal, Dix and Poppy

Why the bloody hell am I awake at 4.30am?

It's not 4.30am now, but I've been up since then.

OFSTED is over (fantastic by the way), and I should be sleeping like a baby, but I'm not. I'm a woman held together by clinique foundation and blusher, coffee and food grabbed on the run. It's Friday, and I think I may die a death at work today. We're all on our knees.

Adrenaline is a real bugger.

Anway, I couldn't face lying in bed wondering when I would get back to sleep, so I decided to get up, have a little quiet tidy up of my house, which has been ignored since the news of the inspection came through, as I worked all weekend and till late at night, and watch The Apprentice which Mike taped for me (I already know who won though).

Fashion news: I went to Wallis preview night and spent £108 )at a 20% discount. It was required

Just so you know

I'm not pregnant. For some bizarre reason, I had a 24 day cycle this month.

I'd forgotten this crappy feeling. And it's only month 1. Bah.

I think the sore boobs are because of my new walking regime - 4 miles 3 times a week. I actually enjoy it and have a good goss with my friend whilst we are doing it.

Hey guess what? The dreaded OFSTED inspectors are in school next week too.

My cup runneth over!

Been very busy, work is taking up lots of my time and we spent last weekend doing loads of annoying jobs that have been building up - the house looks good though. Lots of visitors and visiting this weekend to look forward to, as well as a nice four day week next week.

Baby making has commenced - and in the back of my mind, I'm already doing what I promised I would never do - convincing myself that it's already happened. My boobs are a bit tingly (I'm not yet three weeks through my cycle) and last night I had the "stretching" feeling in my abdomen that I remember from the early days of pregnancy. In reality, it's probably nothing, and the gherkins I had on yesterdays lunch sandwich, but in the back of my mind, I know I'm searching for signs - I'm tired (what's new!) and having vivid dreams (also usual/possibly gherkin orientated) - I hope that I'm not getting obsessed. I just have such a strong feeling that it's going to happen, and sometimes I am overwhelmed with these strong feelings that really are right. Plus Mike is very keen on the quiet now, so extra reasons to get on with it. To have a baby in 2007 would be great timing for lots of reasons, so some of my feeling could be wishful thinking.

I do still have those stretchy feelings and tingly boobs though.

Having a Lazy Morning

It's the last day of the school holidays today - I'm still in bed (it's 10.30) M and A are downstairs and I feel completely vindicated in that as I have got up with A every weekend since I can remember - usually I am awake, so it doesn't really bother me, but today, I needed some extra kip.

Easter has passed nicely - we went to a wedding on Thursday, and then over to my Mum and sisters until Saturday, then spent Saturday afternoon and evening with friends and thier kids (A stayed up till 9.30 - in his pjs watching DVDs, but, gosh I felt like a terrible mother!!)

Yesterday was a bit of a non-day. I haven't really done much schoolwork over the holidays, so got stuck in to some of that in the afternoon, and cooked a roast duck dinner for us. I read the nvs on the duck packaging and was HORRIFIED at the calorific and sat fat values - I worked out that if you had 250g, you would end up having something like 22 WW points of duck!!!! So, once it was cooked, I took all the skin and fat off it, which left it much better in the cals and sat fat dept, - in Tesco you can buy Healthy Living duck pieces which are fatless and skinless and are 2 points per 100g, so that's what I had. I'm sure it's not exactly the same, but it's much better than it was - I'm never buying that again!!! Made dry roast potatoes and loads of veg to go with it and it was yummy. I invented a hot cross bun bread and butter pudding with HL hot cross buns and ambrosia custard and it was LOVELY!!! In fact I just had to put the left overs in the bin to prevent me from scoffing them for my breakfast.

I really need to get on the dieting bandwaggon again - I did really well until Thursday last week, and then the weekend was a bit of a disaster, but to get on track for this here babymaking, I could do with another stone off, but being back to work will help.

Really making an effort to be positive about going back to work - last year, I made real efforts not to get involved in politics in the workplace, but this year, I've slipped a bit. I need to concentrate more on just getting on with stuff and not bitching - i can be a terrible bitch. Usually I am careful, and I don't especially do it at work, but because I do to M, my mum, myself, I feel like I do it all the time. I think the spring will help, the dark winter can be so depressing. I have bigger fish to fry than work anyway!!

Right, must get out of bed! Thanks to all the lovely ladies who commented on my post below, it really makes a difference to me!

Something Big

I haven't written about this yet, as I have been trying to compose my thoughts, but last weekend, we went to our friend's wedding, and meandered into the place the wedding was at (we weren't invited until the cake cutting at 5pm) for lunch. Anyhow, we had a lovely meal in a little Italian restaurant, and while we were talking, the omnipresent subject of whether or not our family is complete came up, as it is often wont to do. I told M that really, if he's adamant that we're not having any more, then he should go and have the snip, as I can't bear condoms (and without going into too much detail, they don't do much for him either), anyway, the upshot of it was, that M was feeling really in a quandry about it all.

I had to be very careful about what I say. I want this so much, I needed to make sure that I didn't get either overexcited or overemotional about it. So we had a really rational conversation, addressing his fears and anxieties, the pros and cons, talking about the positive and negative effects on A, whether M could feel the same about another child, money, practicalities...

We have decided that after my next period, we are going to try for another baby. We'll give it until Christmas and then review!!!

I can't stop thinking about it, although I am trying to be calm about it all. I am five years older than I was last time, although I feel that that would be negated by the five stone less that I weigh. I think that a 5-6 year age gap suits us all - we won't have two babies at the same time, A can feel really involved, I will have lots of time for the baby while he is at school, A can understand. I had some trouble conceiving A, because I had a hormone imbalance, but medication sorted that out. I was under a consultant regarding that until last year, where all my tests showed that the imbalance was resolved, and I was discharged, although I can go back anytime, so I think I'll give it until August before I go to the GP - I would rather be very natural and laid back about it and not make anyone anxious. I have ordered some ovulation tests off ebay though - they are really expensive at the chemist, so for next month I'll see what these ones are like.

I don't want to turn this blog into a "trying to conceive" record, and if I can't I'm pretty relaxed about it all, as I am already the proud owner of the Finest Child Ever Born - but it's the biggest thing in my life at the moment, and I'm simmering under with it all.

Blimey!!!!

It's been quiet for a while... I think I'll meme

4 jobs I’ve always wanted to do:
Backing singer for someone relatively famous - go on tour, wear nice clothes, have lots of people cheering and clapping, but not be the person with all the pressure on them
Housewife
Magazine beauty write (and product tester, natch)
Teacher (and I am one)

4 movies I have never seen in their entirety:

As y'all know, I don't really do movies, I don't think I've ever watched Finding Nemo all the way through, as I am usually on laptop/reading/ironing/whatever when it is on

4 household items I could not go without:
Dishwasher
Freezer
Shower
I suppose the toilet, as really, who would want to..?

4 foods I really, really hate:
Liver
Walnuts
Butterbeans
um...I think there might only be three. And I wonder why I am on Weightwatchers

4 things I’m enjoying about where I am and what I’m doing right now:
I have a glass of wine
My leek, haddock and mushroom risotto is ready
Alfie's had a great day, and is fast asleep
My kitchen is clean and tidy

4 most wonderful places I have been:
Hugging Alfie
Florence, Italy
Barcelona, Spain
Malmaison Hotel, Manchester


4 favourite books/fairy tales/poems from my childhood:
The Magic Faraway Tree series by Enid Blyton
Famous Five - as above
A Book about Henry VIII and his six wives that I was obsessed with, aged about 6
Little House on the Prairie books

4 songs I could listen to over and over:
Unfinished Sympathy by Massive Attack
Yes - McAlmont and Butler
Groovejet- Spiller
In these Shoes - Kirsty McColl

4 reasons why I blog:
As a record of my life
Because I like memes
One day I may be interesting
I like diaries

Oh what a night/Late March back in 2006...

I had a wonderful party.

I thought that I looked pretty hot (there was much cleavage, lipstick and tumbling curls) and things were going ok. We arrived at the bar and got everything set up - candles in tea lights, star shaped confetti on the tables, sorted out the food and the fifteen bottles of wine we had brought along to get the party started were on ice with glasses all ready. I had a glass of wine to steady the nerves and we were ready to go - except we had no DJ. A couple of phone calls later and found out he was on his way - late, but he arrived eventually.

And then the people began to arrive - and we had a blast. I've worried so much about the details, I forgot to think - actually we are inviting people we love to have a good time! And we had a great time. So many of our good friends were there, and we danced, drank wine, ate some yummy food, chatted, chatted, chatted - and of course, it just went too, too fast in the end.

I can't quite believe that it's all over, it was a wonderful night - I have some photos, but I'm waiting until we get ours downloaded, as my Dad's, which are the ones that I have, are a bit random, and wouldn't mean much out of context (although they are great for us!)

It's really hard to express what it was like and my feelings about Saturday night - I should really have posted when I got home: time has passed since then. It was a wonderful, wonderful night, and I can honestly say that it is up there with the day Alfie was born, his Christening and my wedding day as one of the top nights of my life.

Just a quickie

Taking five as I prepare for the party tonight - been up since the crack of dawn, having not slept much the last few nights. Had the inevitable, although stressful experience of a few phone call cancellations - a couple of people who I am not really sure are telling the truth, but then that's me and my paranoia!! Now feeling quite chilled as everything is going well, things packed and ready to go, cash for babysitter, taxis and DJ withdrawn, hair and make up done and just getting Alfie's tea ready. Had a huge bouquet and a bottle of Laurent Perrier from the PGCE girlies delivered this afternoon, which was lovely and a real surprise.

I've been really anxious for the last 48 hours and now I feel chilled - however many people are there, they should still have a good time, I think I've catered for every possible eventuality including DJ not turning up ( a selection of compilation CDs - better than nothing) and I can't do anymore, I've been as organised as possible, and have even managed to buy and wrap presents for my Mum and goddaughter to be given tonight as well.

I hope that we have a good time.

I'll let you know

A meme ! (nooooooooooooo!!!)

Tagged by Sal! Hi Sal!

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Wasitress - I was rubbish
2. Nursing Auxiliary in Elderly Home
3. Manager of a GP practice
4. Teacher

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Some Like It Hot
2. Evita
3. It's a Wonderful Life
4. Calamity Jane

Four places you have lived:
1. Wigan
2. Southport
3. Salford
4. Sale

hmmm... next stop - San Francisco maybe? Sao Paolo?

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Lost
3. Footballer's Wives
4. ER - and 5.) The Apprentice

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Florida
2. Mediterranean Cruise
3. France
4. Wales

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Weightwatchers
2. Popbitch
3. About 10 blogs
4. Digitalspy

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Chinese
2. Italian
3. Lamb Chops
4. Crisps

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. In bed
2. On holiday in a French country cottage with all mod cons and a full fridge
3. Malmaison
4. With my sister

Not tagging anyone!

Good times and bad times, I've seen them all and my dear, I'm still here...

...black sable sometimes, sometimes just pretzels and beer/but I'm here.

God I'm tired. There's a lot to do and just not enough time to do it. I've just tried to be proactive and write myself a list of all the things I need to do in the next two weeks for work - it's long, but doable. I never made it to the tap dancing or the drama club and I'm glad, as I realy don't have the energy. I will do it, but perhaps after Easter.

Had a lovely evening at work though - spent nearly an hour chatting to the two deputies who are two women who I admire immensely, and really like and really, really want to like me. I had lots of other things I should have been doing, and ended up rushing my marking into 20 mins at the end of the day, but it was so nice that it was worth it.

I've also been asked to sing solo at the leaving mass next week, which is very flattering and a bit nerve wracking, but I'm quite looking forward to that. I must say that I do feel that I have a lot more self confidence these days, I swear it was that zip wire that did it for me - once I'd done that, I feel more like I can at least have a go at anything.

I have PMT.

Three...is a magic number

3 things you wish for (just for you)
1. Health
2. Happiness
3. A flatter stomach and midriff

3 things you would do to/for yourself if there was no one to judge you (or if you had the guts to do it!)
1. Enter Pop Idol
2. Have electrolysis
3. Write a novel

3 bad habits you have
1. Picking my nails (finger and toe)
2. Bad language
3. Plucking my facial hair


3 insecurities you feel
1. That people don't really like me and are being polite
2. That I could be a better mother
3. The worry that my world will become unbalanced and that something will go wrong

3 talents/skills you wish you had
1. Playing the piano
2. Running
3. Dressmaking

You know, looking at these, they are all things I could get off my ass and learn to do really

3 things that you would do if you had more time
1. Learn to do one of the above
2. Blog more
3. Sit ups - I could do 'em now I suppose...nah


3 things that bring you peace/relaxation
1. Reading
2. Music
3. Alfie and Mike


3 things that spark your creativity
1. Life
2. Books
3. Music

A link to a picture of our rings

http://www.ouralfie.com/images/ring/rings.jpg

It's not a super one but you get the picture!

Just when you thought it was safe to read this blog... a meme

Love this! Nicked from Dix (who single-handedly makes me believe that I DO have anyone even vaguely bothered about my witterings) - it's fab!

Pick a musical group. Answer the questions with a song title from that group.

I'm choosing the Pet Shop Boys

1. Are you male or female? A West End Girl
2. Describe yourself: I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing
3. How do some people feel about you? Can you Forgive her?
4. How do you feel about yourself? What Have I Done to Deserve this?
5. Describe current relationship with boyfriend/girlfriend: You were always on my Mind
6. Describe where you want to be: Surburbia
7. Describe how you live: I'm Not Scared
8. Describe how you love: I'm going to cheat here and use a line from Paninaro "I don't love much but what I do love, I love passionately"
9. What would you ask for if you had just one wish? I Want A Dog
10. Share a few words of wisdom: Don't know What You Want But I Can't Give It Anymore
11. Now say goodbye: Go West!


I totally had fun with that!

An enigmatic post

You know when you think that things are sorted and then they're not? This is about work, so not too much detail, but I thought one thing was going to happen, then it turns out that something else was, and now a completely different thing is going to happen. And the outcome is so far away from what I wanted it's untrue. And yet on the other hand, there are 84,000 people telling you how fabulous you are at your job, how great you are etc - but, because you are a reasonable, helpful person you get the shitty end of the stick - and an acknowledged, unfortunate, apologetic shitty end of the stick by the person who is giving it to you. Sucksville.

In other news, had a lovely anniversary weekend - went to Malmaison, and had a fab time, we went shopping, had lunch, wandered around, had drinkies, went to bed for a bit (heh heh) had dinner in the restaurant (which was a bit disappointing) slept in simulataneously (only till 7.45am!!) had a hotel breakfast (which I always love) went on the Manchester wheel and bimbled about - all whilst my son was being cared for by his grandparents. Bliss!

We also bought each other new wedding rings as both of ours were a) very cheap in 1996 b) a bit knackered. I love them, especially mine, which is three thin silver bands with three silver strips crossing them (holding them together) and three diamonds on the middle strip - I'll post a piccie when I can. Mike's is not dissimilar, but without the strips across and the diamonds.

Only two weeks to the party. I have a DJ, but not really anything to wear. Obviously I have things to wear, but nothing that I think is fabulous enough. Also I am having a crap time with my hair, and I am feeling rather fat. It's the perfect time for a party...

Thank God It's the Weekend

It's been a helluva week. None of Monday's worries came true, but it was good to write them down. I'm blooody tired though. My sis in law is here, and I just collapsed into a Chinese take away and wine last night, whilst introducing her to the joys of Just The Two Of Us.

I keep dreaming that we will have no DJ for the party, although I do have a lead on one, whom I will telephone this afternoon- fingers crossed that he wants the gig.

This week is our actual ten year wedding anniversary, and I haven't had much time to reflect on that so far. I can't really remember what it felt like to be on the verge of something as important as that. I know that I was very tied up in work, and only took a day or two off prior to the wedding, and a week or so afterwards. In lots of ways, we were a bit mad getting married, because compared to where we are now, we didn't really have a strong enough relationship, I don't think. Although, perhaps being married has given us the strength that we had, because we both believe in marriage and love, then it's been helpful to be married during the difficult times, given us an extra reason to work things through.

Both Mike and I had divorced parents, mine in particular had a crap marriage, and we were both determined that that wouldn't happen to us. My Mum was always very surprised that both my sister and I married young ( I was 24, she was 23) after what she had gone through, but I think that we both wanted the stability that we had lacked. Sadly, my sister is one of the statistics, and her first marriage ended after three years. I'm trying to work out what it is about Mike and I that has held us together (14 years in all).

One reason is that we are very good friends. We had a bit of a debate amongst the Stonecutters as to whether or not your partner could be your best friend, and I maintain that for us, that is the case. It's a different kind of friend, but the best all the same. And he can be quite gay, which really helps, he likes shopping and will watch crap telly with me (like Just the Two of Us) even when he says he doesn't. Although not up to my own standards, he does pull his weight pretty well around the house, and with Alfie, which is good. He's a great Dad, but doesn't think that he is, which is a good combination, in fact, I do believe that contrary to most evidence, having a child really has cemented our relationship and made it stronger; we simply did not experience the relationship lows and traumas and bickering that we expected to, we absolutely delighted in this new person, and becoming a three solidified us, there wasn't any jealousy or arguing really (not to say that there hasn't been ever, but certainly not in the early days).

We're pretty good at compromise and debate and discussion, which means that it's rare that things get unsaid, and once they're aired, they have to be resolved. In lots of ways we are opposite, and that's good, because I can get things sorted that wouldn't get sorted and would become an issue were he with someone similar, and vice versa.

I simply cannot imagine my life without him - whenever things have been tough and I've thought about leaving him, it is simply insupportable: I have to have him in my life. And I know he feels the same, I don't think I have EVER doubted that he loves me. And I need that.

Although you don't read this, because I won't tell you where it is, I love you Mike, and I'm glad that you're my husband, my lobster and my bun. Here's to the next ten.

Will this work?

Zoe -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

ugh

Back off the holidays and could not get in the mood for work at all today. Been feeling crappy and mardy this evening, and can't shake it off.

Worrying that something bad is going to happen, and that's a feeling that I haven't had for a while. I hope that I'm just tired (didn't sleep well last night).

It's nothing really, a few little things - if I write them down it hopefully will help.

• I think that the boss might be cross with me about something - if she is it is unfair and also, the thing that it is is a stupid thing, and I didn't do it in anything but good faith. I don't want to write it down as I'm loath to write about my job too much or specifically in my blog.
• I knew that one parent was in the bar I was in on Friday, but a friend asked me on the phone tonight if I had had a good time there, and when I asked her how she knew she said , oh X said that her husband was there and he saw you. That's the last time I go out locally as it's not worth it, you can't breathe around here without it being noted. I am a bit worried that someone will complain to the boss about me - and this is where it's helping to write it down: I realise that that is completely ridiculous. yes, someone might think I shouldn't be out enjoying myself drinking red wine and dancing with a girlfriend, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Not like I was dancing naked on the bar or kissing the glass collector!
• I think that there might be some s**t hitting the fan about me being lumbered with a task that I don't want to do and shouldn't really be doing, but was just getting on with, but someone has interfered, and I think it'll cause trouble, and I can do without it
• and that's it

I must be very tired to be worked up really.

Getting out and getting a life...

In a vague attempt to have a life which is more than work and home, and an interest which is more than drinking and eating, I have contacted my local theatre group with a view to joining. I have also discovered that there is beginners tap dancing on at my local theatre on Tuesdays, so I may go. I feel slightly apprehensive, but it's £2, and I never have to go again if I hate it. but I've been desperately trying to think of an exercise I might actually enjoy, and that fits the bill. If you add to that to walking to and from work and wake up shake up every school day, I could be getting fitter. Which is good because I feel the size of a house. I haven't put any weight on, I just feel HUGE.

Went shopping yesterday, and natch didn't get anything, but saw a nice sequinned skirt, which I went back and got today. it was in the sale, which isn't what I wanted, but obviously is a bonus. I also bought a (non matching) top for £10 and a gorgeous cardigan. I treated myself to clinique foundation and bronzer as I'm feeling the need to look after my skin a bit more. The lady recommended an anti-aging foundation and I felt about 56.

Went out with my friend N last night, and ended up dancing and drinking vin rouge till all hours. Now I also look 56, and Mike and I are out for a Thai meal. nice

Holiday...celebrate

La la la la la la la - laptop issues are resolved and I no longer have to squint through a quarter of the screen to use it! Hurrah!

It's half term this week and as usual it's going too quickly. although we have really managed to fit in lots - we had a weekend at Centreparcs with my sister and her family which was really good, it was so lovely to spend some time with her and really get to know my lovely niece. Alfie and I have been very busy since we got back - soft play, visiting friends, Pizza... tomorrow we are having the cultural extravaganza of the cinema and the theatre all in one day- phew!

All in all it has been a really good week. Mike and I had a lovely Valentines Day, we stayed in and had a nice meal involving steak, strawberries, cava and Green and Black's chocolate, and just nattering all night long about loads of things. Anyway, one thing led to another and... so after that I was delighted to be awoken by my son at 6am visiting the little boys' room. Mike's get up tomorrow.

Speaking of whom, finally he is in gainful employment again, he starts a week on Monday and frankly not a moment too soon, as his procrastination skills are driving me to drink! I asked him to paint our bedroom ten days ago, as at least I thought that then he would have a tangible task to do, rather than making me cross by not having done what he should have around the house. Ten days later, and it is not finished - and it only has THREE fricken walls as one wall is wardrobes!!! I have told him it needs to be finished and so does Alfie's room before he goes back.

Our party invitations went out today, and I am very excited as well as very nervous: I still don't have a DJ, I am hoping a friend will pass me the name of a good one. I also don't know what to wear; I would like something new and fabulous, but not sure what exactly. I did buy a lovely black lace dress in the sales, but then I thought the party would be this weekend, and be still a bit wintry - now it's at the end of March - more spring like and less black lace like. Also, I'm kind of not really wanting to wear black - in my head I'm thinking chocolate brown or something. I just bet any money that I won't find anything despite money and my size not really being an object.

Any ideas on the style or outfit?

A thread to catch up on stuff

I can barely see my screen as the leaking of the fluid since I smashed my laptop screen is getting worse and worse. So if there are loads of typos in this bog, I apologise in advance.

Not much is new - been working really hard as my co-teacher is off sick and has been for three weeks, which means lots of extra work for me. We've been busy at weekends as well. ast weekend we went to Whitby to stay with the lovley Rowena, who has a wonderful new man. We had a fantastic weekend, including bracing sea side walks, ice cream, trips in steam buses, red wine, tapas and a fabulous Sunday lunch in a pub.

Went on a work do on Friday and ended up in a bar with a couple of the staff and some of the Mums - it was a very good fun night, I felt for the new boss, as she seemed uncomfortable and not very relaxed, all part of being at the top, I suppose! Mum and Tony came yesterday so Mike and I popped out shopping for the afternoon, and Mike persuaded me to get some clothes from per una. I don't like to spend lots nm individual items of clothes, but I did yesterday and I did like what I got - three things for £89, which isn't like me, but perhaps i do been to be a bit more choosy. I've loads of clothes, but not much for going out in, and lathough i do a great line in the v-necked stratchy t-shirt with long sleeves (I own one in almost every colour imaginable, and about fifteen black ones - I need some other stuff. I think maybe I need a bit of a cear out (I had a rather unwise spend in next last summer to celebrate getting into a size 18 there, and not a lot of the stuff I bought is that nice on me - but will sell well on ebay)

We took Mum and Tony to OCA last night for a meal with A, which was lovely and then we lit a fire and sat chatting and drinking wine. We're going to Centreparcs this weekend with Viv and Joff, as it's half term next week (yay!) so we can have a long weekend. Looking forward to that too.

I know a lot of people are feeling pretty crap at the moment and have a lot of stress int hier lives, but I have to say that, touch wood, I am not one of them - my life seems so content and calm and happy, even with lots of work and no time to do it in, that I ma perfectly content (oh dear, if this was a soap opera, that sentence would be the precuresor to some terrible disaster befalling me)

Lazy blogging - another meme, but I like it...

5 Boys Names

Alfie - naturally
Max
Fergus
George
Richard

5 Girls's Names

Ava
Ruby
Millie
Carmen
Stella


5 Books
The YaYa Sisterhood books (I really do like them) - Rebecca Wells
Something Might Happen - Julie Myerson
Margrave of the Marshes - John Peel
Pride and Prejudice


5 Singers
Joni Mitchell
Paul Weller
Will Young
Morten Haarket
Bono

5 Films

Some Like It Hot
Evita
Bridget Jones Diary
American Beauty

5 Drinks

Coffee
White Wine
Sparkling water
Red Wine
Champagne

5 songs

Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack
Groovejet - Spiller
Wonderwall - Oasis
Superstition - Stevie Wonder

And the next one:

Seven Times Seven Meme:

Seven things to do before I die:
- Go in a hot air balloon - which is odd if you read the third item on the next question
- Throw a really kick ass party
- meet Stonecutters
- Dance at Alfie's wedding
- go on another cruise
- buy myself one of those Red Letter Days where you can record a CD in a proper music studio
- lead a long long happy life

Seven things I cannot do:
- enjoy a Michael Jackson record
- only eat ONE chocolate/square
- anything that involves heights/bungee jumping/parachuting etc - unless maybe Alfie or Mike's life depended on it
- finsh Sebastian Faulks "Birdsong"
- Or "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"
- Keep my resolution to only surf the Net 1/2 an hour each day
- find a form of exercise that I actually enjoy and doesn't feel like the worst punishment ever. I am incredulous when I hear people say "I just LOVE the gym". I mean, really? More than reading on your sofa or vegging in front of the box with a glass of Pinot Grigio? I mean, really?

Seven things that attract me to blogging:
- it's writing a diary without getting hand cramp
- it's as private as I want it to be
- if I'm having a boring life I can do a meme
- I might extend my circle of cyber friends
- I am incredibly nosy and love reading the details of others' lives, especially when they are very different to my own
- you don't have acres of blank pages looking accusingly at you if you don't add to it for a while
- the comments section

Seven things I say most often:
- Oh my Lord!
- Shit!
- Okerly dokerly ( yes, I am Ned Flanders)
- Love you
- Thank you everybody, now...
- Yeah but, no but..
- Shall we have a glass of wine?

Seven books that I love:
- Something might happen - Julie Myerson (in fact all of hers)
- Gone with the Windsors - Laurie Graham(ditto)
- The YaYa Sisterhood books - sorry, but I really do
- The Time Travellers Wife - Audrey Niffenegger (I had it before the hype)
- Anything by Jilly Cooper - the drama! the scandal! trying to guess who everyone really is in British upper class life!
- Pride and Predjudice
- Chocolat

Seven movies I (could) watch over and over again: ( I had to change the title as the seven movies I watch again and again are all kids ones!)

- Some Like it Hot
- American Beauty
- The Full Monty
- Flash Gordon (but only if my sister was there)
- Love...Actually
- I can only think of five. I'm not a huge film buff
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Stealing memes from Dix

Two to be precise:

List and Explain Five Weird Habits:
1. If I am ever watching teletext, I have to return the counter to 100 (the "home" page) before switching it off. This is probably an archaic habit now, because teletext has more or less been superseded by digital televisions internet service now

2. I absolutely HAVE to use correct spelling and punctuation in text messages. Not for me the whole "gr8" or "c u l8r". I use commas, colons, the lot. Seeing text speak completely makes my blood boil. Also see: people who type in capitals on bulletin boards.

3. My tops have to hang in colours in my wardrobe - all the balck ones, all the red ones etc. Bizarrely I do not have this prediliction with my "bottoms" although skirts and trousers have to hang separately. Jackets and cardigans are also colour coded.

4. I say "hello, Mr Magpie, how's your wife and family?" whenever I see a single magpie

5. I read my favourite websites in alphabetical order each day. I could never read "It's Only Smoke and Mirrors" before "Confessions of an English Actor/Mother/Whatever". That would be weird. It means I have always read Poppy's version of events before I get to kara's.

I had to think hard about that and I don't think they are too weird. Oooh, I remembered another, I don't like to mix food on my fork when eating, and rarely will I eat a sauce such as gravy, as it makes food icky and sloppy.

Next one;