Friday, August 25, 2006

*sob* Only a week to go

The school holidays will be over in a week's time. Where have they gone?? I thought that we would get bored and need ideas for keeping occupied, but we seem to have breezed through, with a nice balance of kids stuff, Mummy stuff, seeing people, being alone... I can't believe it's nearly over!!!

Not really looking forward to the beginning of term - nothing personal to school or the job or children (who seem absolutely gorgeous this year!) - just enjoying being at home, and feel very content and serene. Last year was a bit tumultuous at times (things I can't write about in a blog) and although generally I was very happy, and remain very happy, there are always niggles. I really hate politics at work, and yet my natural nosiness and "need to know" means that I can't help getting involved - not physically, but emotionally. Generally, I keep my opinions to myself, because on the whole, it's easier, but I know them and go over them in my head, if that makes sense. I really want to make a concerted effort to keep out of stuff this year.
My aim is to get on with stuff and do a good job, be nice to people, see no evil, hear no evil, and most importantly, speak no evil.

In other news, I have lost 6lb in two weeks (5 last week, 1 this week) which is good, although I still have another 10lbs to get to a happier weight, and then I'd ideally like another 2 stone off after that. One of the things I've really cut back on is *gasp* wine. I haven't had any since the weekend, and before that, the weekend before. I haven't really missed it, and I've found that I sleep better. Even a glass or two can have me awake at 5am after a crappy night. I've been drinking a bottle (330mls) of Becks no alcohol beer most evenings, and it's lovely, a real placebo. It reassured me that I hopsfully don't have a physical addiction to alcohol, but a habit of pouring a glass to relax - as the no alcohol stuff seems to do the trick fine. I have spent some time worrying about my wine consumption, and looking for signs that it's too much - whenever I mention that to anyone, like Mike, Mum, sister, they all say no way, which is good as you would think they'd be the ones who would be worrying about it if there was a problem. I do have a tendency to worry about stuff like that.

Mike and I are going out for a meal tonight, ostensiably to discuss possible move to the SW coast. I am really not very keen on the idea now at all. Having the big house party last weekend for A's birthday, with loads of great friends and family there made me think really hard about leaving my comfort zone and it scares the shit out of me. I love our house, I like my job, our support network is great... I hope we don't fall out over it.

I'm also coming to terms with the fact that there might not be another baby. I know it's only 4 months trying, but I really did think that it might have happened by now - stupid I know given previous experience. Supposedly, the problem that I had when I was trying to concieve last time is sorted out, but maybe not. I did promise Mike that we wouldn't go through the whole hospital/tests/medication route again, that we would practise a whole "if it's meant to be it's meant to be attitude". And I feel ok with that. I love my life with A. He's so much of a little man now, so independent, and I can devote my time to him. His life would be enhanced by a sibling, but then there are other things that he has like full attention of his parents instead. If it doesn't happen, I really think i might be ok about it. The thing I wouldn't have been ok with would have been not trying.

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