Thursday, August 17, 2006

I'm a Dreamer

When I'm at work, I seem to always dream about work - in the holidays it's a bit different. Two nights out of the last three I have had quite disturbing dreams about husbands of friends. In one of them, the wife was saying - here you go, you two, I'm letting you get on with it and encouraging us to get together (she wasn't there, it wasn't anything saucy like that!!) - and in the dream, I remember thinking "I don't think that this is what I actually want!" but feeling that I ought to - plus her husband (who is in RL very very handsome) didn't look like himself in the dream, looked a bit seedy and kissed like you were kissing a sink plunger. I woke up feeling really wierd.

Last nights was even wierder - concerned some very good friends. She was nowhere to be seen, but we appeared to be on holiday together. In my dream, he got in bed with me one night, and was whispering to me "I really fancy you, I know it's wrong, I want you so much, ever since I saw you in that red dress..." and in the dream, I was unbelievably aroused by that, but, pushed him away and told him that his wife is one of my dearest friends so he could forget it. Not, note, I don't fancy you or, actually I'm very happily married. I woke up feeling even more disturbed. and the images from my dream keep popping into my head.

What is it all about? All my life with M, I have had crushes on other people, although not for years, probably since before A was born. I think that's because M isn't the kind of man I expected to fall in love with - he's so placid and kind and loving, and I've always been turned on by the volatile, stronger personalitied kind of man. My worse crush ever was with someone who was the epitome of that, and it nearly broke M and I up, as this person, although with someone else too, admitted he felt the same, but knew that our personalities were too similar to make it work (I quote: "we'd never stop fighting, but then we'd never get out of bed either")

M and I are in a good place and we have been for years. I don't know why this is rearing its ugly head again after years of being underground. I'm feeling worried

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