Saturday, February 25, 2006

Thank God It's the Weekend

It's been a helluva week. None of Monday's worries came true, but it was good to write them down. I'm blooody tired though. My sis in law is here, and I just collapsed into a Chinese take away and wine last night, whilst introducing her to the joys of Just The Two Of Us.

I keep dreaming that we will have no DJ for the party, although I do have a lead on one, whom I will telephone this afternoon- fingers crossed that he wants the gig.

This week is our actual ten year wedding anniversary, and I haven't had much time to reflect on that so far. I can't really remember what it felt like to be on the verge of something as important as that. I know that I was very tied up in work, and only took a day or two off prior to the wedding, and a week or so afterwards. In lots of ways, we were a bit mad getting married, because compared to where we are now, we didn't really have a strong enough relationship, I don't think. Although, perhaps being married has given us the strength that we had, because we both believe in marriage and love, then it's been helpful to be married during the difficult times, given us an extra reason to work things through.

Both Mike and I had divorced parents, mine in particular had a crap marriage, and we were both determined that that wouldn't happen to us. My Mum was always very surprised that both my sister and I married young ( I was 24, she was 23) after what she had gone through, but I think that we both wanted the stability that we had lacked. Sadly, my sister is one of the statistics, and her first marriage ended after three years. I'm trying to work out what it is about Mike and I that has held us together (14 years in all).

One reason is that we are very good friends. We had a bit of a debate amongst the Stonecutters as to whether or not your partner could be your best friend, and I maintain that for us, that is the case. It's a different kind of friend, but the best all the same. And he can be quite gay, which really helps, he likes shopping and will watch crap telly with me (like Just the Two of Us) even when he says he doesn't. Although not up to my own standards, he does pull his weight pretty well around the house, and with Alfie, which is good. He's a great Dad, but doesn't think that he is, which is a good combination, in fact, I do believe that contrary to most evidence, having a child really has cemented our relationship and made it stronger; we simply did not experience the relationship lows and traumas and bickering that we expected to, we absolutely delighted in this new person, and becoming a three solidified us, there wasn't any jealousy or arguing really (not to say that there hasn't been ever, but certainly not in the early days).

We're pretty good at compromise and debate and discussion, which means that it's rare that things get unsaid, and once they're aired, they have to be resolved. In lots of ways we are opposite, and that's good, because I can get things sorted that wouldn't get sorted and would become an issue were he with someone similar, and vice versa.

I simply cannot imagine my life without him - whenever things have been tough and I've thought about leaving him, it is simply insupportable: I have to have him in my life. And I know he feels the same, I don't think I have EVER doubted that he loves me. And I need that.

Although you don't read this, because I won't tell you where it is, I love you Mike, and I'm glad that you're my husband, my lobster and my bun. Here's to the next ten.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Monday, February 20, 2006


Back off the holidays and could not get in the mood for work at all today. Been feeling crappy and mardy this evening, and can't shake it off.

Worrying that something bad is going to happen, and that's a feeling that I haven't had for a while. I hope that I'm just tired (didn't sleep well last night).

It's nothing really, a few little things - if I write them down it hopefully will help.
  • I think that the boss might be cross with me about something - if she is it is unfair and also, the thing that it is is a stupid thing, and I didn't do it in anything but good faith. I don't want to write it down as I'm loath to write about my job too much or specifically in my blog.
  • I knew that one parent was in the bar I was in on Friday, but a friend asked me on the phone tonight if I had had a good time there, and when I asked her how she knew she said , oh X said that her husband was there and he saw you. That's the last time I go out locally as it's not worth it, you can't breathe around here without it being noted. I am a bit worried that someone will complain to the boss about me - and this is where it's helping to write it down: I realise that that is completely ridiculous. yes, someone might think I shouldn't be out enjoying myself drinking red wine and dancing with a girlfriend, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Not like I was dancing naked on the bar or kissing the glass collector!
  • I think that there might be some s**t hitting the fan about me being lumbered with a task that I don't want to do and shouldn't really be doing, but was just getting on with, but someone has interfered, and I think it'll cause trouble, and I can do without it
  • and that's it

I must be very tired to be worked up really.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Getting out and getting a life...

In a vague attempt to have a life which is more than work and home, and an interest which is more than drinking and eating, I have contacted my local theatre group with a view to joining. I have also discovered that there is beginners tap dancing on at my local theatre on Tuesdays, so I may go. I feel slightly apprehensive, but it's £2, and I never have to go again if I hate it. but I've been desperately trying to think of an exercise I might actually enjoy, and that fits the bill. If you add to that to walking to and from work and wake up shake up every school day, I could be getting fitter. Which is good because I feel the size of a house. I haven't put any weight on, I just feel HUGE.

Went shopping yesterday, and natch didn't get anything, but saw a nice sequinned skirt, which I went back and got today. it was in the sale, which isn't what I wanted, but obviously is a bonus. I also bought a (non matching) top for £10 and a gorgeous cardigan. I treated myself to clinique foundation and bronzer as I'm feeling the need to look after my skin a bit more. The lady recommended an anti-aging foundation and I felt about 56.

Went out with my friend N last night, and ended up dancing and drinking vin rouge till all hours. Now I also look 56, and Mike and I are out for a Thai meal. nice

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


La la la la la la la - laptop issues are resolved and I no longer have to squint through a quarter of the screen to use it! Hurrah!

It's half term this week and as usual it's going too quickly. although we have really managed to fit in lots - we had a weekend at Centreparcs with my sister and her family which was really good, it was so lovely to spend some time with her and really get to know my lovely niece. Alfie and I have been very busy since we got back - soft play, visiting friends, Pizza... tomorrow we are having the cultural extravaganza of the cinema and the theatre all in one day- phew!

All in all it has been a really good week. Mike and I had a lovely Valentines Day, we stayed in and had a nice meal involving steak, strawberries, cava and Green and Black's chocolate, and just nattering all night long about loads of things. Anyway, one thing led to another and... so after that I was delighted to be awoken by my son at 6am visiting the little boys' room. Mike's get up tomorrow.

Speaking of whom, finally he is in gainful employment again, he starts a week on Monday and frankly not a moment too soon, as his procrastination skills are driving me to drink! I asked him to paint our bedroom ten days ago, as at least I thought that then he would have a tangible task to do, rather than making me cross by not having done what he should have around the house. Ten days later, and it is not finished - and it only has THREE fricken walls as one wall is wardrobes!!! I have told him it needs to be finished and so does Alfie's room before he goes back.

Our party invitations went out today, and I am very excited as well as very nervous: I still don't have a DJ, I am hoping a friend will pass me the name of a good one. I also don't know what to wear; I would like something new and fabulous, but not sure what exactly. I did buy a lovely black lace dress in the sales, but then I thought the party would be this weekend, and be still a bit wintry - now it's at the end of March - more spring like and less black lace like. Also, I'm kind of not really wanting to wear black - in my head I'm thinking chocolate brown or something. I just bet any money that I won't find anything despite money and my size not really being an object.

Any ideas on the style or outfit?

Sunday, February 05, 2006

A thread to catch up on stuff

I can barely see my screen as the leaking of the fluid since I smashed my laptop screen is getting worse and worse. So if there are loads of typos in this bog, I apologise in advance.

Not much is new - been working really hard as my co-teacher is off sick and has been for three weeks, which means lots of extra work for me. We've been busy at weekends as well. ast weekend we went to Whitby to stay with the lovley Rowena, who has a wonderful new man. We had a fantastic weekend, including bracing sea side walks, ice cream, trips in steam buses, red wine, tapas and a fabulous Sunday lunch in a pub.

Went on a work do on Friday and ended up in a bar with a couple of the staff and some of the Mums - it was a very good fun night, I felt for the new boss, as she seemed uncomfortable and not very relaxed, all part of being at the top, I suppose! Mum and Tony came yesterday so Mike and I popped out shopping for the afternoon, and Mike persuaded me to get some clothes from per una. I don't like to spend lots nm individual items of clothes, but I did yesterday and I did like what I got - three things for £89, which isn't like me, but perhaps i do been to be a bit more choosy. I've loads of clothes, but not much for going out in, and lathough i do a great line in the v-necked stratchy t-shirt with long sleeves (I own one in almost every colour imaginable, and about fifteen black ones - I need some other stuff. I think maybe I need a bit of a cear out (I had a rather unwise spend in next last summer to celebrate getting into a size 18 there, and not a lot of the stuff I bought is that nice on me - but will sell well on ebay)

We took Mum and Tony to OCA last night for a meal with A, which was lovely and then we lit a fire and sat chatting and drinking wine. We're going to Centreparcs this weekend with Viv and Joff, as it's half term next week (yay!) so we can have a long weekend. Looking forward to that too.

I know a lot of people are feeling pretty crap at the moment and have a lot of stress int hier lives, but I have to say that, touch wood, I am not one of them - my life seems so content and calm and happy, even with lots of work and no time to do it in, that I ma perfectly content (oh dear, if this was a soap opera, that sentence would be the precuresor to some terrible disaster befalling me)