The first cut is the deepest

We had friends round for dinner last night, G and his wife J. G is a friend of mine from University, who I basically engineered a friendship with in the hope that he would fall in love with me, which he never did, but the friendship has endured, he is a fabulous man, however we have not met face to face since his wedding in 2000, although we have had letter, e-mail and telephone contact. So it was a very anxious me that spent all day yesterday changing into different tops, changing my lipstick colour and sucking my (now considerably reduced) stomach in in anticipation of his arrival.

And he is still lovely, and I still have a little "jump" when I see him, even though I am extraordinarily happily married and so is he. I am glad that he's my friend, I've really missed seeing him, she is lovely too. This is the sad part, she has cysitic fibrosis, and has to have loads of treatment and medication, her sister died of it not long before thier marriage. I learned more about her condition last night than I have ever done before, but still couldn't (obviously) say well, what about you, is your condition as bad as your sisters or is it manageable? i.e., is my friend going to be a young widower any time soon? I gathered that there won't be any children from thier marriage as her system couldn't take it, which I find sad as they would both be great parents. I didn't sleep well last night, when in between bouts of dozing all I could think about was the things that they have to face and what might lie ahead of them. And felt bad for still thinking that he was gorgeous after all these years...