Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I am trying really hard at the moment - with everything. Trying to do good job, be a good mother and wife, cook good meals, keep a nice house, have a good work/life balance, spend my time productively.... and it's really freaking knackering!

I had an okayish time on the Hen Night. We hooked up with Sian's husband at midnight for a lift home - Sarah invited us all into her house where Chris had some friends round - ended up leaving at 3am! Hen Night was as expected - too much aimless wandering around town heading for "The Bar" to be in and finishing up in a hole. Ach so!

Had the NCT girls (well, my fave three) round on Sunday which was nice especially as the weather was nice. Made cakes with Alfie for it to make up for staying in bed until midday due to wine inflicted head. Nic came round as well, she was a bit quiet. I don't really know what or whether to do anything about her, maybe the way that she is is normal for people who have had a baby, I think I coped really well the first few months, it was only going back to work when the problems set in... I'm trying to be there for her when she needs it, keep in touch, offer to help/babysit/go out with her etc - can't do much more really.

The children are restless at school - the weather is better and I think that makes them high spirited. I remember Margaret saying last year that in the Summer they start getting ready to move on and become less interested in where they are and more in where they're going. I have also come to the conclusion that one of the women I work with is one of the most negative people I have ever met. I actually get on really well with her, but she complains and finds fault in so many things that I cannot believe for one minute that when I am not there she isn't finding fault and complaining about me too. I have heard her say such unbelieveably two faced things that there's no way I escape it. What's interesting is that that doesn't really bother me, whereas once upon a time it would have.

I think that's why I am enjoying my 30s so much - I have so much more self confidence and so much less angst in my life. I was reading dietgirl today and she has a lot to say about still being the fat girl within, and not feeling better about herself since she lost weight. I don't think I feel like that. I DO feel better about myself, but then I don't think that I had the kind of feelings that she and others describe either. Having Alfie really helped my self confidence too - I felt that I had new purpose in life, and that because someone was wholly depending upon me, I had to believe in myself. Also, changing career and doing something I am really good at also helps a lot - something that hasn't taken over my life and become the be-all and end-all.

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