There's a light at the end of the tunnel

I am booked for an elective C-section on Friday am, so I will be having a June baby Of course, nature might take its course before then, but there aren't any signs of that happening, so... I feel okay about the decision. Really, it's that, or wait until next Wednesday and have the only form of induction they are prepared to offer someone who's had a previous C-section, which is to see if they can break the waters. Even then, they'll only give you so long to deliver, and want to see "serious" progression (ie, 1hr=1cm). All of that considered, they did not pressure us in any way, and it was very much our decision. Much as I want to continue my aspiring lentil-weavering, I have the experience of last time affecting my perception, and I really think I could not bear to go through all that again for the same conclusion as I can have relatively straightforwardly, and nearly a week earlier. I don't regret my decision to wait until now (I will be 41+2 on Friday by my dates) because I think it means I've given my baby every chance to be as strong as possible, and also to come of its own accord. I think I may have to accept that I am good at growing big healthy babies (this one is apparantley "not small", but not as big as 10lb ds), but not really built for delivering them. It's quite hard as a woman to reconcile myself to that, because it feels like an unfullfilled biological destiny (and I know that it doens't matter etc, and I would be the first person telling someone else that)but once I've got ds2/dd in my arms it will cease to be of any importance.

Sorry if you've just ploughed through all that, I just thought I would save myself £50 with a therapist!

Hopefully, the last pre-baby shuffle

So, now I am two days over by my dates, although due today by the hospital's dates. If we've had no action by Tuesday I have to go in and arrange a section, which I hope will be Wednesday or Thursday. I'll be glad, to be honest, I'm more or less resigned to it now, and I'm really ready for the baby to be here so that we can get on with being a bigger family! I feel a bit poignant for the "old" life, but I'm so looking forward to the "new" life. I have so many niggly worries, primary in my mind is Is It Possible To Love Two Children Equally? - I understand that this is a common one! Also, of course, Is The Baby Going To Be Ok? With added Am I Going To Be Ok? which is a new one, wasn't too concerned about me last time, but now I am already a Mummy, that's a kind of knock on concern about A. I don't think I own the "nesting" gene sadly, but then I am generally a quite clean and fairly tidy person, so there's nothing huge that needs doing. I'm going to have a curry and some pineapple tonight, I mooted the idea of a bit of how'syerfather the other day but it wasn't received with any great enthusiasm... Can't say I blame him, it feels a bit like it would be a complex job!


1. Sail Away - Kirsty McColl
2. When Love Comes To Town - U2 with BB King
3. First of the Gang To Die - Morrissey
4. Half a Person - The Smiths
5. Yes - McAlmont and Butler (when I am on Pop/American Idol, I will sing this in my opening show. Just in case I don't get through to sing it in the final)
6. Sing it Back - Moloko
7. Clocks - Coldplay and Buena Vista Social Club
8. Mathematics - Cherry Ghost
9. Reach Out - Take That
10. She's Electric - Oasis

meme

So, of course, if you're one day off your due date, and needing stuff to do, you book lunches, shopping, a hair cut and colour... oh, and do a book meme of course! (Pinched from Dix, who stole blatently from Katya)

A book that made you cry: Jude the Obscure - I stayed in bed for two days after I finished my A levels to read it. I vividly remember turning the page, gasping and bursting into tears. No wonder my Mum confiscated it until after my A levels were over.

A book that scared you: I don't really like to be scared, so I wouldn't intentionally read a horror book. However, in one of the Harry Potter books (it's either 3 or 4) the Dementors first appear. I was reading it down in my cellar living room, and was too scared to come to bed after reading about them.

A book that made you laugh:

A book that disgusted you: Pandora by Jilly Cooper. I'm disgusted thgat anyone could even pay good money to her to write it, or that anyone would pay good money to buy it

A book you loved in elementary school: Elementary school is primary school right? 4-11? Anyway, I loved Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfield, the story of the three Fossil sisters, Pauline, Petrova and Posy, growing up in pre-war London. In fact anything by Noel Streatfield - The Painted Garden is also ace. And the Malory Towers and St Clare's books too.

A book you loved in junior high: So that's lower secondary school, yes? That must have been when I read Judy Blume. But my secret fave was Coleen McCullough's The Thorn Birds. Especially page 348

A book you loved in high school: And this is upper secondary - so about 15-18? I really liked Persuasion by Jane Austen because I studied it at A level, and when you "do" a book so deeply, you either love or hate it. I loved this one, even though I think generally it's considered to be a pretty tedious Austen.

A book you hated in high school: Nothing really I don't think. If I didn't like it, I didn't read it, and I'm pretty much the same now. The number of "classics" I've abandoned - Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Birdsong...

A book you loved in college: I read Literature at University, and I don't remember reading much for pleasure, although I must have done. But, I did enjoy a lot of the stuff I read for the course - Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti springs to mind.

A book that challenged your identity: Made me ask questions about who I am? Fat Is A Feminist Issue. Given to me at 17, still something I would dip into even now

A series that you love: I adore Adriana Trigiani's Big Stone Gap books. Or Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House series

Your favorite horror book: None. See above

Your favorite science fiction book: The Hand Maid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

Your favorite fantasy book: Again, not that keen on fantasy.

Your favorite mystery book: Whodunnit? Probably Sleeping Murder by Agatha Christie. Love me an Agatha Christie

Your favorite graphic novel: Best described, is that what this means?

Your favorite biography: I'm not that interested in most people's lives, but I did enjoy John Peel's Margrave of the Marsh

Your favorite "coming-of-age" book: Marjorie Morningstar

Your favorite classic: I've mentioned a few already. Love Hardy, Austen, a Bronte or two.

Your favorite romance book: Pride and Prejudice - does that count?

Favorite kids book: Oooooh, absolutely loads - We're going on a Bear Hunt, One Duck Stuck, Dig, Dig, Digging, anything by Roald Dahl...

Favorite cookbook: It has to be The complete Delia Smith, given to me by my Mum when I left home, and much used and well thumbed

Your favorite book not on this list: Terri McMillan's Waiting to Exhale

Baby update

Been to the hospital this morning and had a check over, the baby is still "average" size and - get this - 2/5 engaged! Huzzah! So, as my BP and urine are ok, they are letting me go for the VBAC. Once I get to my due date then the party's over, as I have an appointment on the 29th May to arrange a section, which should be sometime that week, i.e., last possible date: 1st June. I'm happy with that as it means that I have an "end" to it all. I really want a May baby though, so if it gets to that stage, then I will be putting my foot down for a 30th/31st section not a 1st June. Need to be seen by the midwife each week as well between now and then.

Feeling pretty good apart from rather pressing sensation between legs (good to know taht that's because of head engagement) and pretty well rested.