In which I participate in history, have the longest "quick lie down" ever, and eat too many satsumas

Here

I heard about this over the weekend, but the lovely Moxie reminded me about it today.

I awoke at 4.30am, having decided to have a "quick lie down" at 7.15 pm after putting A to bed. I was fully dressed and wearing stilleto boots (oo-er missus). I had MISSED MY TEA. M had come home from the gym and left me to it. I can't quite believe that it happened. Anyway, I had to get up to use the bathroom, so got into my pjs in the pitch black. I really only dozed after that, so I am not exactly not tired today either.

I've been working on one of my big projects at school today, reviewing each child's IEP (Individual Education Plan) who is on the Special Needs Register. It's been rewarding, but tiring, as it's been like a day and a half of Parents' Evening solid. It's half term from this Friday, so at least that's something to look forward to. It also means that I haven't been in the classroom for a day and a half, which I found rather difficult as I've missed the children and couldn't wait to get back to them. I really love my class and teaching them this year, I will feel bad about leaving them at Easter.

Satsumas are back in the shops! Yay, the Christmas feeling is really on it's way! I bought two nets on a BOGOF at the weekend and ate five of them today. I realise five is a bit excessive, but they really are yummy and I need to be eating some healthy stuff, even though my body is shouting "get me some carbohydrates now!!!!!" at every hour of the day.

I am a proud Mummy today, as A has not only been awarded a merit badge at school, but also been put up another level in his reading, which is really good!

Worry

So, I'm having a worry at the moment, basically because I have nothing to worry about. I feel brilliant. So brilliant that I am now absolutely convinced that I am not in fact pregnant, or that I once was and that something awful has happened, and now I am not really any more and I am going to have a horrible experience at my scan in ten days time.

Sickness/nausea? Gone. Tiredness? Well, yes, still there but not to the same extent. Sore boobies? Yes, but then half of me thinks perhaps that's because I'm wearing a bra 24 hours a day. I AM eating for England, but I think that's just me reacting to two and a half years of WW and scoffing whatever I fancy. That really has to stop, because I don't want to end up undoing ALL the good work I've done. Plus, I'm getting a taste for full fat ice cream and chocolate... I even managed to drink a cup of coffee this morning, the first one for five weeks. I am more or less not able to wear my fitted trousers comfortably, but then given the amount of food that I'm scoffing, I'm not really surprised about that.

Thing is, I'm only coming up to nine weeks, so really, if previous experience is anything to go by, I should be feeling like death around now, but I don't. I know that work distracts me, and obviously I have A now, and can't mope around, but really I feel worried that I feel so - normal, for want of a better word. I have wondered if I might be further on than I thought, if maybe my August period wasn't really a period, and now I'm out of the first trimester, but I think I'm grasping at straws there.

I think it's because deep down inside, I don't really feel like I deserve this. That sounds wierd I know, but I can't truly believe that I'm going to get exactly what I've wanted and that everything is going to be okay. This is a worry that pops into my head all day long, and I can't articulate it aloud, because I can't make it real. So by writing it down, I'm trying to exorcise it from my brain, make it real and see it for what it is.

My SIL had a lovely baby boy, O , on Tuesday, and seeing the photos made me LONG for this baby - so did looking at (pink) baby clothes in the Next Directory last night. Pink or blue, I really don't mind, healthy will do.

The new structure was announced at work this week. I'm definitely going to go for the new role, but as a back up, for the role that I'm in now as well (we all have to reapply for our management positions). There are going to be four roles at the level I'm applying for, so that feels nice - having peers and smaller departments to cover. I feel more like it's the job for me now I've seen where it fits into the structure.

Going for a pampering afternoon for a friend's birthday this afternoon, which should be nice. Mike is taking A to see his Dad, so I've got some "me" time. Lovely.

Carbs, glorious carbs

Well, all is going well, apart from major exhaustion and a need to eat my entire bodyweight in carbohydrates at regular intervals (and that's some loaf of bread believe me!) Made the mistake of going to Sainsbury's tonight whilst ravenous and came home with two loaves of bread, a fruit loaf, a pack of Boasters, ice cream, potatoheads, and FOUR magazines (two crappy celeb, one intellectual, one food) I think i only bought the food one because there was a free sample of Green and Black's butterscotch chocolate on the front - my FAVE.

I am working my balls off at the moment, but it's all good in my quest to prove that a pregnant woman can be considered for a senior role in the workplace. Plus, I do really love it - I feel the work/life balance is pretty good at the moment.

Scooby Dooby Dooo!

Had a nice weekend - went to a friends for dinner on Saturday and having had a two hour nap in the afternoon, managed until 11.45pm - result! On five no alcohol beers!! Had a lovely evening, a real laugh and fun time! Paid for it yesterday though - totally knackered and felt really sick all day. We had already decided to take A to his favourite restaurant, OCA yesterday, but I was so knackered I couldn't fancy anything - I needed to eat, so I chose mardy dough balls and canneloni as blandish and comforting - couldn't even stomach a pudding!! Went to bed the same time as Alfie last night, and feel tons better today - could've fallen asleep in my classroom this afternoon, mind, but not been quite as nauseaous. Came home and had toast and marmite and a strawberry and banana smoothie with pomegrante juice and feel very earth mothery. Home made casserole for tea smelling good!

Spoke to the hospital today - the GP misled me and I am actually going to be having a scan on 26th October, not waiting until 18 weeks, which is great. I feel like I am really showing today.

I am really loving it that Alfie's favourite tv programmes at the moment are Scooby Doo and Tom and Jerry - the old classics are the very best! Plus, we actually enjoy them as well, as some children's programmes are a little bit wearing at times!

I've decided that being pg isn't going to stop me from going for a promotion at work. We'll need the money, and I reckon that I could do the job as well as anyone else could.