Tuesday, August 28, 2007

*blows dust off blog*

OMG was it really July 10th since I blogged?? How dreadful!

So, well, what's been going on? Ted is now twelve and a half weeks old, he's been sleeping through the night since he was about eight weeks, and has fairly regular naps through the day (a long one in either the morning or after lunch and a shorter one, both in his cot if we are at home, and then one other either in his pram or cuddled up with someone, usually me!) he is absolutely gorgeous, so smiley and gurgly, an absolute delight to be with! He isn't such a big bruiser now, he is putting on weight and growing in length, but having bumped into someone who was in hospital with me yesterday whose baby is now 18lb he seems very dainty! I think he's about 15lbs now, he was 14lbs three weeks ago. I'm not concerned, he's sleeping through, lots of wet and dirty nappies and as happy as Larry. He's more long than chunky, and he is completely breastfed (this other baby is formula fed, and they can gain weight more quickly). Do you think I've convinced myself yet? LOL

We are almost at the end of A's summer holidays, and it's been good and bad. There have been moments when I have wanted to hand him over to the nearest children's home (not really, but you know what I mean) and moments of pure joy. We've been camping and to Devon, both great holidays. I've also locked the children's channels on the TV as I think he's watching the wrong kind of TV, I've kept CBeebies and CBBC (I'm so middle class!) but got rid of the rest, that's defintiely had a good effect, he's still watching TV (in fact we're having a PJ day today) but it's DVDs, which is much better (currently retro Wacky Races!) We've also got him a swing, and have been spending lots of time in the park.

Mike and I are working hard on our relationship at the moment too. When I got pregnant things weren't great and my pregnancy and Mik'e new job papered a lot of cracks. then once Ted was born, there was a whole hormonal babymooning period for me, and it's only in the last few weeks that the rose coloured haze has cleared a little bit and some of the old issues have raised thier heads. We're great at being a family, we're best friends and fantastic companions, he's a wonderful Dad, but we aren't very good at being a couple so much. so we've been working on that, trying to be straight with each other and making a bit more of an effort, and lately (just in the last few days it seems better. It's not helped by my not feeling myself, although I am getting sleep, I am physically tired as breastfeeding really takes it out of me, and the hormones it produces are not great ones for me. My upper back is painful and my body aches a lot. I have some surges of bad temper and rage that I (mostly) supress which adds to the tension in my upper back, neck and shoulders. I need some Zoe time as well, and I need to work on that. I'm also terrified of going back to work, leaving Ted, and not being able to cope. I know it will be okay, and also that it is ages away, but it still scares me.

I hear stirrings on the listener, back later


Miss Beck said...

I think you need a big strong hug first and foremost.

I read the last paragraph with pain in my chest. I remember all those feelings, especially the supressed anger. Make the time now. 30 minutes of Zoe time. Whereever you can get it. I really hope Mike will assist you in getting this time to breathe and be without Ted for you to start relasing some of these emotions.

If you don't release it, it will fester.

I hope you are able to get help with the issues with Mike.

Zoe, if you ever need someone to shoot the shit with and have a chat, please let me know. Im happy to be there for you.

Katya said...

I hope things get better for you. That alone time is so important for me -- I just asked for some for my anniversary present.

Moxie said...

So glad to hear from you as I've been popping back to see how things are and wondering how you are getting on.

Great that Ted is such a lush baby but sorry you and M have had some probs. It sounds like you are sorting them in the right way though.

Big hugs to you and kisses from Roxie to the gorgeous Ted.



PS - I can highly recommend Bowen therapy for bad backs, it worked wonders for me... caution is advised though as it did get me preggers... well I know DH had something to do with it but YKWIM...