Monday, September 10, 2007

Food for thought

Well, my (bigger) baby has gone back to school, and things are a bit calmer chez moi. I really do miss him though, although towards the end I was looking forward to him going back! He seems happy at school, and glad to be back in the routine.

My smaller baby (!) is as cute as a button, it's amazing how the changes start to take place. He's grabbing at toys that are dangling down, he's lifting his head and shoulders up from his chair, standing up on me if I hold his fingers. He loves "Round and Round the Garden" and "This Little Piggy" and he loves to be bounced up and down on my knee. I think in a couple of weeks I'll ge the baby bouncer down and give him a go in it. It seems amazing that when A was his age, I began to wean him, there's just no feeling that I need to do that at the moment. He's happy enough on his boobyjuice, although in October I might start him on one bottle a day, and then I think I'll wean him at the beginning of November. If it happens before then, fair enough.

I'd quite like my body back now. It wasn't much to start off with, but it is starting to get me down now that I am hanging on to quite a big of baby weight and my boobs are better than they were but still ridiculous. I'm trying to eat healthily and doing ok, but I'm sure that feeding isn't helping me. Neither is my mother, who tried to feed me FOUR bacon rolls for my lunch yesterday, which really upset me. She would never, ever, ever in a million years give my sister four bacon rolls (petite, blonde size 10, horrendous relationship with food IMHO, which she is in danger of passing on to my niece, who unfortunately for my sister and her hang ups, is built like me) and i got quite cross and gave her two of them back, she took umbrage. They weren't huge, they were rolls about the size of a small orange, but even so. The trouble is, I would have eaten them, I know I would, so they needed not to be there. I don't have an unhealthily relationship with food any more, it doesn't control me, and I don't feel the need to binge/berate myself/obsess. I do however feel a need to get back in my pre-pregnancy trousers. I will never be a size 12, but I could do with being a 16 again. Four bacon rolls will not help this, and it makes me wonder, why am I so much bigger than my sister? I think that my family has a propensity to being bigger, both my parents are fairly chunky, as are thier brothers and sisters. I think it's two things, my sister is amazingly controlling about food (she has a list of dislikes and aversions as long as your arm, which I think is her way of controlling her appetite) and I think because she was a picky eater as a child I made up for her by eating well, and was fed by my mother to make up for her not eating. And I am greedy, heh. I noticed my mum encouraging A and his cousin to eat (they are both good with food, although my niece has a more limited diet. Wonder where that comes from??) even as thier mouths were full, "Eat up". I had to say "Mum, he's got his mouth full, give him a chance!"

It's so important what we do with our kids, because what we do now sticks with them, and there are enough outside influences on them without the people who love them most joining in. I don't want my niece spending the best part of her teens and twenties loathing herself and sporadically bingeing and purging like I did. It's how I handle that if I think it's coming, because there's one thing that it's impossible to do well - criticise how someone is rearing thier child.

1 comment:

Moxie said...

Your boys sound so lovely! Its amazing when the little ones really start exploring their worlds isn't it. I adore watching them.

I agree so much about the importance of helping our kids have a good relationship with food and their bodies - there is no way I want Roxie and her brother/sister doing the things I did and feeling the way I felt. I've even had to ask my mother already to stop commenting on how big Roxie's thighs are and how large she is - I just don't want her hearing it even as a joke as that is when the damage is done.

Thanks for your lovely comment on my blog. I did actually slap loads of makeup on and take the scissors to my hair this morning after a long shower. It still doesn't look great but it does look better! The main problem is this stupid fringe which makes it hard to disguise by wearing it up etc. Now I've layered the sides a little though it looks less severe. Crazy.

I actually *know* DH doesn't find me attractive preggers - we had a bit of a do about it last time. He refused to make love to me and, for the first 12 weeks said it was becuase he didn't want to cause anything to go wrong, which I kind of understood, but then the 12 week mark came and went and he just kept making excuses. Then one thing led to another and there was a heated exchange and he finally admitted that the preggy look didn't do it for him. I was so very upset (as you can imagine with hormones and everything) and even thought of leaving him as I thought he was a shallow bastard but we worked through it and it's just a part of him that I accept as there are so many fab things about him/us that I can't throw that away.

I just keep telling him he needs to learn to lie and tell me he thinks I'm gorge occasionally *grin*.

Sorry for the long rant - will look out for some 12 hour lipstick this avo - I have some Boots points that need spending!