Hormonally Yours

So, it's the first real chance I've had to sit and take stock of my situation. Last weekend was ridiculously busy, as we went to London to a friend's wedding at Hampton Court. It was a nice day, but tiring, and expensive, and the IRONY of there being a free bar and me being teetotal was not lost on me. We were in bed for 10pm as we were knackered. Especially me. Naturally, thr friends we were with (it's a group of 10 friends and partners) sussed straight away that I was up the duff - when a known party girl is off the juice, there's usually only one reason. Everyone was really pleased for us. It did M and I good to get away for the weekend together, although relationships haven't been great for the rest of the week - hormones and shock have kicked in, more on that later.

As we pulled out of Euston on Sunday to come home, my mobile went off. My mother, looking after A for the weekend had somehow managed to deadlock our front door, which is a) a really tricky thing to do, and b) a really tricky thing to talk someone through undoing when you're on the 12.05 from Euston to Manchester Piccadilly and the signal on the phone keeps cutting out. Plus, my sister and niece had come over to spend the night, so the four of them were stuck outside our house in hot sun with no car keys (who ARE these people who don't keep all thier keys together?? This is why I am never stranded without car or housekeys - they are all together). I rang a couple of strong men friends, one of whom came around to our house and tried to get in. It's just too difficult to describe things like that over the phone, and it was so frustrating as had M or I been there we would have been able to do it. Eventually, they had to break the little pane of glass in the middle of the door and get in that way. There was a round of applause from the rest of the carraige when they finally got in.

The rest of the week has been quite tiring. Nausea has kicked in - I need to eat quite regularly, and I am being sensible. although I can't help panicking that a huge amount of weight is going to pile on. Lunchtime is a killer - tired and nauseauous, as well as after school. I was in bed at 9pm last night, unheard of for a Friday night. A few people know at school - the senior management, my three close friends and the two people I work most with, my co-teacher and teaching assistant. It's good that they do, because I must have looked pretty bad yesterday as two of them came and offered to take my class for a while yesterday afternoon. Interestingly, I do feel better in the classroom - the children take my mind off it.

Hormotional - watched the last episode of Dr Who on BBC3 last night and really really cried at the end when the Doctor and Rose are parted forever. It's Sci-Fi for God's sake!! And I'd seen it before!!! Feel grumpy with M because he's grumpy. M gets stressed when I am pregnant, he wants the end product, but would prefer it to be delivered from Tesco, he is not good with the whole thing. I do try to understand, but what I actually need at the moment is support and love while I'm feeling crap, not grumpiness. I'm also having a "what have we done?" moment, and thoughts about how we've upset our lovely life keep sliding into my head, and I don't know why. I was so sure and clear about it before, but now I'm panicking. Is this normal????? Help???

The Low Down

About ten days ago, I did a pg test, and it was negative. Two days later, I got up with A at 7am and made a cup of coffee. I love coffee, but it tasted awful and really bitter. I wondered then whether I had had a false negative (at this point I was three days late) so I went to get another test I had upstairs - and dropped it down the toilet!!

So when I woke Mike up, after getting him to check the coffee (it was fine for him) I went to Tesco and bought a three pack of clearblues. Came home, did the first one, and within 10 seconds it came up with "Pregnant"!

Obviously we are overjoyed, and in particular, me, as I had really thought that it wasn't meant to be. We haven't told A yet, mainly because I think he would say something at school and I don't really want any of the parents knowing yet. Apart from that we are telling friends and family because I am very much of the opinion that if God forbid, something were to happen, I would need thier support.

So, I'm due on the 23rd May - I think that we get too hung up on dates and things, so I'm just thinking May, rather than a specific date. I saw my GP today, which to be honest was anti climactic to say the least, and it would seem that where I live, nothing happens until 18 weeks, when I get scanned, blood tests, midwife appointment etc, which seems like ages away.

No terrible symptoms, tired, stretchy feeling in my abdomen, starving hungry, and had a couple of waves of feeling sick - but with A, the real nausea and vomiting kicked in at about 6/7 weeks, so we shall see. Oh and boobs like torpedoes. Some would say no change there.

Blimey

I'm pregnant.

I am almost 35 years old, and still I don't understand myself

I think that that's all I need to say. All I can really say.