Girl on Film

Back from our week in Devon - which was a lovely holiday. We took the boys out for three days, and had a nice time, although two four year olds are a handful, especially when they are sharing a bedroom and not getting enough sleep... glad I didn't have twins! It's a strange experience spending a whole week at someone's house, you're not really a guest, more a housemate, and being me, I was very anxious not to be a burden - cue me getting up every morning with the boys, constantly stacking and unstacking the dishwasher and tidying up, and then taking the boys out. Cue me beginning to feel somewhat resentful. I don't help myself. I also became very frustrated by others' disorganisation - we spent most of Saturday driving to two beaches miles away and then wondering why we couldn't find a parking space in an extraordinarily busy Devon town. I am the kind of person who is at IKEA/Trafford Centre as it opens to avoid the crowds and get a good speck. I think there's some hormonal issues too (I will NOT say PMT as I am clinging on to hope this month) It's so beautiful down there, Mike and I are considering a move - at least we were last week, but now we're home I'm not so sure, although I know he still is. A week somewhere gorgeous is idyllic, but we really need to think with our heads and not our hearts - I certainly don't want to be worse off financially, and I would like to go part time at some point in the next few years. We're going to have a night out with a big pad and pen and try to thrash it out.

The other thing that happened last week was that our friend C video'd us getting off a little ferry. It is years since I saw myself on film, and despite the five stone off (more like four at the moment) it's not a pretty sight. I looked like a dumpy housewife. It was a real shock, as my slf image has been good recently, and I imagine myself as quite svelte in a curvy way these days - clearly this is not the case, although the extra baggage I am carrying right now won't help. It was rather depressing to say the least. I also have buck teeth and a big jaw. And very sturdy limbs. However, the thought of it is helping to keep me on the straight and narrow in terms of shedding the crept on stone at the moment. I don't know how I am doing as I was not at home to weigh last week. I tried very very hard, despite being on holiday. A couple of ice creams and a plate of chips did sneak in. Back home and on the waggon now, so fingers crossed.

Been in school yesterday and today. My new colleague is young and enthusiastic, and although initially I felt very threatened by this, I overcame that, and I am embracing her enthusiasm and ideas and now feel very keen and reinvigorated too. She's going to be very good for me, as I think I was in danger of becoming a little stale. Last year wasn't the greatest for me at work, mostly because of worrying about A, but things are settled now, so i have great expectations for next year. I would like today to be the last I am in school for a while though, I have been in every day that I have been at home - only when on holiday have I not been in.

First week of the holidays is over

I do feel like we've made a lot of the first week, which is great. Mike and I had a lovely weekend once I'd got over the sobbing. We went into Manchester and did grown up things like look around shops, have a leisurely lunch at a non child friendly restaurant (with wine!!) and um, buy A some clothes, and um, talk a lot about A... On Sunday we spent till 2pm in bed reading THREE Sunday papers and a celeb gossip magazine, which was fab, and then mooched around the Trafford Centre and went for a greek meal in the evening. Monday we were both in work, and A came home in the afternoon, so we took him and Mum out for tea. Result: A week of eating out for me!

On Tuesday we went camping here with some friends. It has been the hottest July ever this year, and August predicted to be even more so (which always makes me think of Stevie Wonder) so why in the name of all that is nameless did it absolutely throw it down for the whole holiday??? We arrived and the driving freezing rain made getting tents up a real challenge, but Mike and J, our friend worked really hard. The rain stopped at least once they were up and we could feed the children and ourselves, and have a few drinks, but started again in the night and was relentless for the rest of the day. We had to go to visit a steam railway and some caves because they were indoors, and had our tea at Pizza Hut in Harrogate. On thursday we had to pack up and go, and only then did the weather clear up - lovely sunshine. We went to Brimham Rocks.

Tomorrow we are off to Exeter to stay the week with our friends who moved there last year, so I'm looking forward to that - just ironing and packing to do today, which I really must get on with. When we get back there will be three weeks of the holiday left, which feels like a good way to do it - get the "formal" holiday over and done with and have the chilling out time at the end.

As a result of all the eating out and drinking wine and general lax behaviour in the healthy eating department I had a real shock when I got on the scales on Friday - a REAL shock. I am back on WW with a vengance as a result - there are some tight waistbands in the Zoe wardrobe and I can't afford to replace stuff. I have bought a new purple notebook to write everything down in and dusted down the books. I'm not bothered about getting to goal, but I do want to go back to where I was at my lowest.

Had a really good haircut yesterday and very subtle highlights - I'm really pleased!

Sobbing

Is what me and A have just done as he left for my Mum's with Mike. I was NOT expecting that. Not from him anyway, I sob uncontrollably at most things. I did double check with him that he wanted to go (not sure Mike was too keen on cancelling the weekend, but his feelings are irrelevant ;) )and he does still want to, and he will have a great time. This is the third year he has been for the weekend and he's never done that before.

God parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster.

Nearly sorted out my room at school.

Hurray, hurray, it's a holi-holiday

Thank God, the term is finished. Each term seems to follow a pattern - as it gets towards the end, I seem to get busier and busier and eat more and more crap and drink more wine. This one is no exception.

We are all knackered and we all have to swap rooms this year, so everyone is stressed and a bit snappy, which we could do without.

I had a nice last day today - lots of nice presents, but mostly what was nice was some of the lovely letters and cards from parents. Considering I haven't really enjoyed this class so much this year a lot of the time, I really didn't think I'd done that much of a good job this year, but there you go.

I'm really looking forward to the holidays - we've some nice things planned but mainly I just want a rest. A is going to stay with my Mum for the weekend tomorrow, so I can have a couple of lie ins and M and I can spend some quality time together. I've bought a basque. Pity it's going to be too hot to wear it.

Bits and bobs

Well they were successful memes igniting lots of interest... hmmmm.

I have had a funny week. In the middle of it I built myself a huge crazy vine, the likes of which I haven't built for years - imagining all sorts of things were going to happen and convincing myself that people were thinking things about me/about to come and haul me over the coals for stuff. Luckily it didn't last very long, but it reminded me that that's not a good place to be! I'm glad that crazyville isn't a place I am very much these days.

It's been a crap month for baby making - hot, sticky, busy and we've both had debilitating summer colds at the optimum time - so I'm sort of dismissing July, and moving on to making August a hot loving month.

It's that time of year where the summer holidays are tantalisingly close, but still far away - this week has been Sports Days, Bastille Day, Sports Relief, assessments, and has been such a long week. Our weekend should be peaceful and family orientated (last one like that for a while) and we have some housework to do and I have promised Alfie a mummy/boy baking session, which is nice.

I'm having some real Mummy guilt at the moment, although I am lucky because I do see A during the working day, I am always so busy, there never seems to be enough hours in the day. He does seem perfectly happy, but I want to make sure that this summer we have lots of fun together.

I have a HUGE coldsore. I hope it goes in time for the Christening next weekend.

I don't care if you're bored of these, I'm having fun!

So, with this one, you copy and paste the questions into the comments and answer them - it's a giggle!

01. Who are you?
02. Are we friends?
03. When and how did we meet?
04. Do/Did you have a crush on me?
05. Would you kiss me?
06. Describe me in one word.
07. What was your first impression?
08. Do you still think that way about me now?
09. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When’s the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
14. Are you going to put this on your blog/journal and see what I say about you?

Another

20 years ago I was fourteen. That makes me feel old, I thought I was about six! I was fat with terrible hair and an awful complex about myself. I'd just got into amateur drama which was good for me in lots of ways and also taught me lots of bad habits. I wouldn't not do it though if I had the chance again. Mum and Dad were having a lovely acrimonious divorce and life was pretty crap. I thought too much about what others thought of me.

10 years ago I was working my arse off in a job that I thought was the be all and end all. i had just got married and was living in my first owned home. Euro 96 had just been on in the UK, and that summer we went to 132 weddings.

5 years ago today I was on the first day of my maternity leave. I was huge and uncomfortable and the weather was extremely hot. I was dead excited about the baby, and as usual, hyper organised so had very little to do except lounge around reading magazines and eating ice lollies.
3 years ago I was in France with M and A and Mum and tony. It was a great holiday, A was saying seven word sentences and had his first olives. I was about to start my teaching degree

1 year ago I was anxious about A finishing nursery and starting big school. I was waiting for my sister to have her baby. I had maintained my weight loss for one year

So far this year I have been amazed to find out that M wants another baby, realised that work isn't very important

Yesterday I had a lovely day with my husband and child and rather a lot of red wine

Today I am going out for my Dad's surprise birthday lunch

Tomorrow I am taking my class to thier school trip

In the next year I would like to lose another stone, get pregnant, decide where my career is going and make some decisions about home renovations

Stolen from Poppy!

The rules are that you are allowed to name up to three answers to each question. It's quite hard!

Song(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being:
Earthsong by Michael Jackson
Anything by Westlife

Artist(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being:
Michael Jackson
Gareth Gates
Westlife

Rolling Stones Song(s) I Love:
She's a Rainbow
Sympathy for the Devil
Jumpin' Jack Flash

Beatles Song(s) I Love:
The Long and Winding Road
Get Back
Hey Jude

Who Song(s) I Love:



Reggae Song(s) I Love:


Country Song(s) I Love:
It's Five O'Clock Somewhere - Jimmy Buffet
I Can't Make you Love Me - Bonnie Raitt (but the George Michael version)


Movie Soundtrack(s) I Love:
Bridget Jones' Diary
Chocolat

Musical soundtrack(s) I Love:
Cabaret
West Side Story
Evita

Cover Song(s) I Love:
I Can't make you Love me - George Michael
Love the One You're With - Will Young
Relight My Fire - Take That with Lulu

Contemporary Top-40 Artist(s) I Secretly Love:
I don't usually do secret - I'm usually out and proud about stuff I like. I'm liking The Zutons at the moment


Song(s) That Bring Me to Tears:
River - Joni Mitchell
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
Little Star - Madonna

Song(s) That Make Me Shake My Ass:
Groovejet - Spiller
Girls and Boys - Blur
Relight My fire - Take That

Classical Composer(s) I Love:
Mozart

Rap/Hip-Hop Song(s) I Love:
I quite like Golddigger by Kanye West

70s Disco Song(s) I Love:
Young Hearts Run Free - Candi Stanton


70s Supergroup Song(s) I Love:
Letter from America -Supertramp

Metal Song(s) I Love:
Always - Bon Jovi


New Wave Song(s) I Love:
Blue Monday - New Order
Atomic - Blondie
(spooky Poppy)


Soul/R&B Song(s) I Love:
Say a Little Prayer - Aretha Franklin
Let's Stay Together - Al Green

Power Ballad(s) I Love:
Does Weekend in new England by Barry Manilow count?


Pre 1950s Song(s) I Love:


Punk Song(s) I Love:
Teenage Kicks - The Undertones
Rock the Kasbah - The Clash

Singer/Songwriter Song(s) I Love:
Late in the Evening - Paul Simon
Cowboys and Angels - George Michael

MTV Video(s) I Love:
Relight my Fire - Take That


Songs To Have Sex To:
Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack
The entire "Moonsafari" album by Air

Guilty Pleasures:
Jack Johnson

Yay! Back with my own lappy!

Like my dear friend Sal, I am back in the land of my own laptop which is lovely news for me.

I had an unexpectedly good shop tonight, as is always the way. I just popped to the Trafford Centre to get my Dad a birthday present, and ended up in Mandolin, as over the weekend I had rearranged my wardrobe into seasons rather than colours (I realise I am coming across as boring as well as anal here) and realised that i don't have many short sleeved tops for the summer. I found four really nice tops in the sale, one black, one red, one pink and one brown, that will go with loads of stuff, and then I spotted a gorgeous cream jacket that will go really well with a black and cream skirt I bought in a sale. My niece is being christened in July and M and I area godparents along with Viv's boyfriend's sister L and her husband. L is very beautiful, a bit like Kelly Brook and also a bit bitchy (but with a smile on her face) so the issue of what to wear has been at the forefront. I got a wonderful dress in Monsoon over half term which I love and looks lovely, but shows A LOT of cleavage, which is not something I am ever adverse to, but is not always great on an altar at a Catholic Church. There are ways of covering it up (pashminas etc), but I'm still not sure. The other option is this skirt, but I really would need a jacket, anyway, I bought it, and it was VERRAH expensive (for me) but I like it and it's flattering so what the heck. If I'd deliberately gone out to get a jacket, it would never have been there.

Sugar Honey Iced Tea

God I had the most dreadful thing happen today.

We had our class assembly today (went exceptionally well) and about half an hour later, one of the little girls in our class complained of a tummy ache, so I sent her to the toilet. Then she began to cry so I called her over to me and she climbed on my knee. Her mum works in the nursery so I told her I would take her over to her mum as she seemed so ill - then I tried to get her to stand so I could take her. All of a sudden she began to wail and moan and went completely floppy and a ghastly shade of white/yellow/grey/green. I had a parent helper with me who is a nurse and she said"I think she's really not well", so we lay her down and S took her pulse and told me to call an ambulance. I had already sent one of the kids for a first aider and the parent helper next door for her mum, so I ran to the office and told them to call 999. I got back to class and sent the other children next door and then her mum arrived, and the Head. The wait for the ambulance seemed to take forever, her mum and the nurse were excellent. Eventually the paramedics arrived and took over, they took her to hospital.

What a nightmare. I had a good cry after that because I was scared shitless, I really thought that she would die in front of me.

It turns out that she has quite a minor thing, and is ok - her mum brought her back to see me and gave me some chocolates, but my God I was scared.

Did ya miss me?

I've been absent due to not having my own laptop and I'm a bit wary that M might find my blog because I'm using his, but what the heck. Sweetie, if you are reading this, then maybe go now, because this is my private place, okay? Love you.

Got my period again today after getting unneccesarily over-excited because I had got to day 28, after two 23 day cycles. I kept thinking all day today; "If I get through today..." and it held off until 5.30pm. I hate it when my body conspires against me. I do feel very mardy, because I really did think that this might be it. And it REALLY hurts.

Life has been okay though generally. Had a lovely half term, went to Centreparcs with all our friends, and then had a camping weekend with L and D who are great. Work is fine, friends are fine, family is fine, I absolutely do not have any complaints about anything. Apart from not being pregnant of course. (I think I might take a trip to the Doc once school has finished)

Bollocks

And more or less seconds after I posted the previous entry

My period arrived. So another 23 day cycle. Who knew this would happen? I have to admit, again I am pretty mardy about it. So is Mike, which is a good thing, and as I have suggested that we have (and I quote): " a really good go at it next month" I think teetoallism and blatent sluttish behaviour are the order of my June. Be warned.

Having a paranoid moment

Went out with work on Friday night. I had a manic day, school all day, then rushing around to get stuff sorted, then rushing A to a party at a sweaty hot play place with his friend and then getting him and aforesaid friend home with ten minutes to spare before being picked up to go out. As a result, I was very dehydrated, but stupidly got stuck into the wine, instead of knocking back some water. On Saturday I had the worst hangover I have had for years - banging head, thirst, exhaustion, copious vomiting - I didn't get out of my pjs until 4pm.

The thing is - I think I remember everything - but then if I had forgotten something I'd said or done, then I wouldn't remember it IYSWIM. I'm a bit worried that I did or said something I shouldn't have. I am usually pretty sensible about stuff like that, but there's always a first time. I am a bit ashamed of myself, and have pledged to be a non-drinker on the next staff night out. My friend from work says that I was fine, and that there were others who might have stuff to be worried about rather than me, but she might be making me feel better. I dunno.

It's half term now for the next two weeks, which is nice. A and I have lots planned and already we have had a nice evening with friends and then climbed Rivington Pike and been out for tea yesterday. Also, he is sleeping in later due to a slightly later holiday bedtime which is nice.

My AF is due this week (another reason not to have been excessively drinking - I really annoy myself sometimes; although A was conceived on a three week luxury cruise, so should have come out looking like a Singapore Sling) and I am nervously looking for signs one way or the other. My last cycle was 23 days, so by that I should come on today, but I will be anxiously waiting until the end of the week to see.

I really should post more

But I wonder what to write, and if I am even vaguely interesting to my small, but breathtakingly loyal band of readers, particularly as I don't even have a gorgeously cluttered blog due to my inept technical prowess, and not wanting to ask Mike to help as I don't want him to become a reader. It is the only minimalist thing in my life, as my home, wardrobe, bookshelves, CD shelves etc etc are all full and vibrant. So maybe that is a good thing - an area of calm with no photos, blogroll, gorgeous things about the moon and counters and stuff that I am jealous of on other sites.

I remain tired, although, natch, this morning, was awake quite early (Saturday, why not?) Luckily it's only a week until the half term holiday.

I did give myself a Friday night alcohol amnesty, only a half bottle, and bizarrely, the friend to whom I referred in my "I Miss" section of the last meme telephoned meand we had a nice chat, so that was a good thing. It makes me realise that i have matured so much over the years, because the state of our relationship would have been the cause of such angst to me tem years ago, but now I realise that these things are part of the ebb and flow of life, and that so long as contact is retaines, we will get back to a different place eventually, if it's meant to be. At work recently, we were talking about the best times of our livesm and I said that my favourite times have been my thirties - I'm settled and happy in a job I love, with a family I love, good friends, a nice home, and I'm at peace with myself. I can accept my physical and personality flaws in a way I was never able to before, and I don't automatically assume that I am inferior to everyone else.

Two things have happened this week to help me to consolidate my thoughts on this. The first thing was on Monday. At school, we start the day with five minutes aerobics - the same routine each day to the same music, and it changes each half term. The last two half terms, it has been my job, for various reasons, to lead this. Loads of parents stay to watch every day, and it was embarrassing at first, but then I just decided, well, sod it. Anyway, I met a mum from A's class when we were shopping in town on Monday, and she made a few hurtful comments about how i really "didn't have the figure for all that jumping up and down" - it was more in context that just bluntly like that, but I can't be bothered relating the whole conversation. That was a very difficult thing to hear, because despite significant weight loss, I am still a voluptuous lady, size 18 with big boobs and a tummy, and to be honest, her saying that was like my most inner fears about myself and how I looked coming and smacking me in the gob, and I was upset. But once I had calmed down, I was ok about it. I just thought, well, at least I've got the balls to do it, the kids have a great time, loads of people are very supportive and appreciative of it, and also, this particular woman is one of the mousiest, flat chested skinny women ever, with to be fair, not much in the personality department. So who would I really like to be?? Hands down, me. Yes, my boobs and belly probably do bounce up and down, but so what? It doesn't make me a bad person, and I would NEVER in a million years be so rude to someone else, or hurtful. Anyway, the next day, she hightailed it across the playground to me to apologise, saying had she upset me (I had been VERRAH dignified about it on the Monday) and I said that yes, she had, but I was over it. She was actually very upset, and blamed sleep deprivation (she has a young baby) and said "I'm really proud of you for doing it" (thanks for your patronising, love). But the main thing for me was that it happened, I dealt with it, it didn't hurt my heart past the initial stun, and I could make light of it.

The second thing was finding out that someone at work doens't like me. Now, I like to be liked, even in cyberspace, where people don't know me, so if I've ever found that someone doesn't like me, I've taken that hard. But when I examined the reasons for her not liking me, they were stupud, irrational, jealous reasons - there was absolutely nothing I could do about them. I have always been nice to that person, and everyone likes me more than her anyway. So I'm over it. Breakthrough.

Another thing was, I managed to spend the weekend with my Dad without there being an argument, emotional raking over of the past or irritation of each other. Out of the three of us children, I am the only one really who he does this with - he treats the other two with kid gloves. So often, I am the emotional punchbag(I give as good as I get, don't feel sorry for me), and this weekend, there was some sailing close to the wind, but I managed to deflect it, and keep everything on an even keel, because what's to be gained? It's 22 years since my parents split up, they are both married to other people and happy. The past is the past, we all get on now (including Mum and Dad) so why bother with the whys and wherefores of when we haven't? To be honest, a lot of what I went through served to make me the person I am today; sensitive to others feelings, a peacemaker, a determined wife and mother... so it's not all bad really.

I think I might finally be a grown up.

I...

I AM: tired. OFSTED, some stress at work that isn't about me, but affects me, general working hard with 26 five and six year olds all dayhas made me the tiredest I have been for a while. Hell, I even need the alarm to wake me at the moment, and that hasn't happened for a LONG time

I WANT: to have the best relationship with my son (and hopefully another. Child that is, gender:irrelevant) I want him to sya when he is older: "I had a great childhood, I loved my Mum and Dad so much, and I still do now." And I want to be pregnant.

I WISH: that I could quickly get rid of the 1/2 stone that has crept on whilst I wasn't paying attention

I HATE: walnuts, brazil nuts, hazelnuts, liver and dark chocolate

I MISS: my best friend, who has had a personality change since having a baby. I feel sad about that because I went to great lengths to ensure that I made time for others in my life when A was small. And her bebe is 18 months now.

I FEAR: something dreadful happening to Alfie

I HEAR: things that I shouldn't. I seem to have an innate ability to overhear or be party to, stuff that I shouldn't, and I am not someone who listens at doors or sneaks about. It just happens.

I WONDER: if I will get pregnant again

I REGRET: not sowing my wild oats

I AM NOT: drinking until half term. I really will try (but may give myself a Friday Amnesty tomorrow)

I DANCE: pretty well for a big girl

I SING: constantly. A song for every occasion and for every occasion, a song

I CRY: quite a bit, especially when tired, and more so since I had A. Adverts, soap operas, cheesy magazine stories...

I AM NOT ALWAYS: very Christian. I can be the biggest bitch in the whole world and I have a wicked tongue and a clever bite

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: food mainly. I don't knit, or draw, or have any hobbies really.

I WRITE: neatly. And in quite a boring style

I CONFUSE: left and right, Tuesday and Thursday

I NEED: nothing really. I truly have everything I desire. (Even full cupboards; Tesco came yesterday).

I SHOULD: do something more constructive with my evenings than veg on the sofa

I START: to worry about whether people still like me when I note that they are in a bad mood

I FINISH: off Alfie's food when I shouldn't. Luckily, he doesn't leave much

I TAG: Sal, Dix and Poppy

Why the bloody hell am I awake at 4.30am?

It's not 4.30am now, but I've been up since then.

OFSTED is over (fantastic by the way), and I should be sleeping like a baby, but I'm not. I'm a woman held together by clinique foundation and blusher, coffee and food grabbed on the run. It's Friday, and I think I may die a death at work today. We're all on our knees.

Adrenaline is a real bugger.

Anway, I couldn't face lying in bed wondering when I would get back to sleep, so I decided to get up, have a little quiet tidy up of my house, which has been ignored since the news of the inspection came through, as I worked all weekend and till late at night, and watch The Apprentice which Mike taped for me (I already know who won though).

Fashion news: I went to Wallis preview night and spent £108 )at a 20% discount. It was required

Just so you know

I'm not pregnant. For some bizarre reason, I had a 24 day cycle this month.

I'd forgotten this crappy feeling. And it's only month 1. Bah.

I think the sore boobs are because of my new walking regime - 4 miles 3 times a week. I actually enjoy it and have a good goss with my friend whilst we are doing it.

Hey guess what? The dreaded OFSTED inspectors are in school next week too.

My cup runneth over!

Been very busy, work is taking up lots of my time and we spent last weekend doing loads of annoying jobs that have been building up - the house looks good though. Lots of visitors and visiting this weekend to look forward to, as well as a nice four day week next week.

Baby making has commenced - and in the back of my mind, I'm already doing what I promised I would never do - convincing myself that it's already happened. My boobs are a bit tingly (I'm not yet three weeks through my cycle) and last night I had the "stretching" feeling in my abdomen that I remember from the early days of pregnancy. In reality, it's probably nothing, and the gherkins I had on yesterdays lunch sandwich, but in the back of my mind, I know I'm searching for signs - I'm tired (what's new!) and having vivid dreams (also usual/possibly gherkin orientated) - I hope that I'm not getting obsessed. I just have such a strong feeling that it's going to happen, and sometimes I am overwhelmed with these strong feelings that really are right. Plus Mike is very keen on the quiet now, so extra reasons to get on with it. To have a baby in 2007 would be great timing for lots of reasons, so some of my feeling could be wishful thinking.

I do still have those stretchy feelings and tingly boobs though.

Having a Lazy Morning

It's the last day of the school holidays today - I'm still in bed (it's 10.30) M and A are downstairs and I feel completely vindicated in that as I have got up with A every weekend since I can remember - usually I am awake, so it doesn't really bother me, but today, I needed some extra kip.

Easter has passed nicely - we went to a wedding on Thursday, and then over to my Mum and sisters until Saturday, then spent Saturday afternoon and evening with friends and thier kids (A stayed up till 9.30 - in his pjs watching DVDs, but, gosh I felt like a terrible mother!!)

Yesterday was a bit of a non-day. I haven't really done much schoolwork over the holidays, so got stuck in to some of that in the afternoon, and cooked a roast duck dinner for us. I read the nvs on the duck packaging and was HORRIFIED at the calorific and sat fat values - I worked out that if you had 250g, you would end up having something like 22 WW points of duck!!!! So, once it was cooked, I took all the skin and fat off it, which left it much better in the cals and sat fat dept, - in Tesco you can buy Healthy Living duck pieces which are fatless and skinless and are 2 points per 100g, so that's what I had. I'm sure it's not exactly the same, but it's much better than it was - I'm never buying that again!!! Made dry roast potatoes and loads of veg to go with it and it was yummy. I invented a hot cross bun bread and butter pudding with HL hot cross buns and ambrosia custard and it was LOVELY!!! In fact I just had to put the left overs in the bin to prevent me from scoffing them for my breakfast.

I really need to get on the dieting bandwaggon again - I did really well until Thursday last week, and then the weekend was a bit of a disaster, but to get on track for this here babymaking, I could do with another stone off, but being back to work will help.

Really making an effort to be positive about going back to work - last year, I made real efforts not to get involved in politics in the workplace, but this year, I've slipped a bit. I need to concentrate more on just getting on with stuff and not bitching - i can be a terrible bitch. Usually I am careful, and I don't especially do it at work, but because I do to M, my mum, myself, I feel like I do it all the time. I think the spring will help, the dark winter can be so depressing. I have bigger fish to fry than work anyway!!

Right, must get out of bed! Thanks to all the lovely ladies who commented on my post below, it really makes a difference to me!

Something Big

I haven't written about this yet, as I have been trying to compose my thoughts, but last weekend, we went to our friend's wedding, and meandered into the place the wedding was at (we weren't invited until the cake cutting at 5pm) for lunch. Anyhow, we had a lovely meal in a little Italian restaurant, and while we were talking, the omnipresent subject of whether or not our family is complete came up, as it is often wont to do. I told M that really, if he's adamant that we're not having any more, then he should go and have the snip, as I can't bear condoms (and without going into too much detail, they don't do much for him either), anyway, the upshot of it was, that M was feeling really in a quandry about it all.

I had to be very careful about what I say. I want this so much, I needed to make sure that I didn't get either overexcited or overemotional about it. So we had a really rational conversation, addressing his fears and anxieties, the pros and cons, talking about the positive and negative effects on A, whether M could feel the same about another child, money, practicalities...

We have decided that after my next period, we are going to try for another baby. We'll give it until Christmas and then review!!!

I can't stop thinking about it, although I am trying to be calm about it all. I am five years older than I was last time, although I feel that that would be negated by the five stone less that I weigh. I think that a 5-6 year age gap suits us all - we won't have two babies at the same time, A can feel really involved, I will have lots of time for the baby while he is at school, A can understand. I had some trouble conceiving A, because I had a hormone imbalance, but medication sorted that out. I was under a consultant regarding that until last year, where all my tests showed that the imbalance was resolved, and I was discharged, although I can go back anytime, so I think I'll give it until August before I go to the GP - I would rather be very natural and laid back about it and not make anyone anxious. I have ordered some ovulation tests off ebay though - they are really expensive at the chemist, so for next month I'll see what these ones are like.

I don't want to turn this blog into a "trying to conceive" record, and if I can't I'm pretty relaxed about it all, as I am already the proud owner of the Finest Child Ever Born - but it's the biggest thing in my life at the moment, and I'm simmering under with it all.

Blimey!!!!

It's been quiet for a while... I think I'll meme

4 jobs I’ve always wanted to do:
Backing singer for someone relatively famous - go on tour, wear nice clothes, have lots of people cheering and clapping, but not be the person with all the pressure on them
Housewife
Magazine beauty write (and product tester, natch)
Teacher (and I am one)

4 movies I have never seen in their entirety:

As y'all know, I don't really do movies, I don't think I've ever watched Finding Nemo all the way through, as I am usually on laptop/reading/ironing/whatever when it is on

4 household items I could not go without:
Dishwasher
Freezer
Shower
I suppose the toilet, as really, who would want to..?

4 foods I really, really hate:
Liver
Walnuts
Butterbeans
um...I think there might only be three. And I wonder why I am on Weightwatchers

4 things I’m enjoying about where I am and what I’m doing right now:
I have a glass of wine
My leek, haddock and mushroom risotto is ready
Alfie's had a great day, and is fast asleep
My kitchen is clean and tidy

4 most wonderful places I have been:
Hugging Alfie
Florence, Italy
Barcelona, Spain
Malmaison Hotel, Manchester


4 favourite books/fairy tales/poems from my childhood:
The Magic Faraway Tree series by Enid Blyton
Famous Five - as above
A Book about Henry VIII and his six wives that I was obsessed with, aged about 6
Little House on the Prairie books

4 songs I could listen to over and over:
Unfinished Sympathy by Massive Attack
Yes - McAlmont and Butler
Groovejet- Spiller
In these Shoes - Kirsty McColl

4 reasons why I blog:
As a record of my life
Because I like memes
One day I may be interesting
I like diaries

Oh what a night/Late March back in 2006...

I had a wonderful party.

I thought that I looked pretty hot (there was much cleavage, lipstick and tumbling curls) and things were going ok. We arrived at the bar and got everything set up - candles in tea lights, star shaped confetti on the tables, sorted out the food and the fifteen bottles of wine we had brought along to get the party started were on ice with glasses all ready. I had a glass of wine to steady the nerves and we were ready to go - except we had no DJ. A couple of phone calls later and found out he was on his way - late, but he arrived eventually.

And then the people began to arrive - and we had a blast. I've worried so much about the details, I forgot to think - actually we are inviting people we love to have a good time! And we had a great time. So many of our good friends were there, and we danced, drank wine, ate some yummy food, chatted, chatted, chatted - and of course, it just went too, too fast in the end.

I can't quite believe that it's all over, it was a wonderful night - I have some photos, but I'm waiting until we get ours downloaded, as my Dad's, which are the ones that I have, are a bit random, and wouldn't mean much out of context (although they are great for us!)

It's really hard to express what it was like and my feelings about Saturday night - I should really have posted when I got home: time has passed since then. It was a wonderful, wonderful night, and I can honestly say that it is up there with the day Alfie was born, his Christening and my wedding day as one of the top nights of my life.

Just a quickie

Taking five as I prepare for the party tonight - been up since the crack of dawn, having not slept much the last few nights. Had the inevitable, although stressful experience of a few phone call cancellations - a couple of people who I am not really sure are telling the truth, but then that's me and my paranoia!! Now feeling quite chilled as everything is going well, things packed and ready to go, cash for babysitter, taxis and DJ withdrawn, hair and make up done and just getting Alfie's tea ready. Had a huge bouquet and a bottle of Laurent Perrier from the PGCE girlies delivered this afternoon, which was lovely and a real surprise.

I've been really anxious for the last 48 hours and now I feel chilled - however many people are there, they should still have a good time, I think I've catered for every possible eventuality including DJ not turning up ( a selection of compilation CDs - better than nothing) and I can't do anymore, I've been as organised as possible, and have even managed to buy and wrap presents for my Mum and goddaughter to be given tonight as well.

I hope that we have a good time.

I'll let you know

A meme ! (nooooooooooooo!!!)

Tagged by Sal! Hi Sal!

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Wasitress - I was rubbish
2. Nursing Auxiliary in Elderly Home
3. Manager of a GP practice
4. Teacher

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Some Like It Hot
2. Evita
3. It's a Wonderful Life
4. Calamity Jane

Four places you have lived:
1. Wigan
2. Southport
3. Salford
4. Sale

hmmm... next stop - San Francisco maybe? Sao Paolo?

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Lost
3. Footballer's Wives
4. ER - and 5.) The Apprentice

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Florida
2. Mediterranean Cruise
3. France
4. Wales

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Weightwatchers
2. Popbitch
3. About 10 blogs
4. Digitalspy

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Chinese
2. Italian
3. Lamb Chops
4. Crisps

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. In bed
2. On holiday in a French country cottage with all mod cons and a full fridge
3. Malmaison
4. With my sister

Not tagging anyone!

Good times and bad times, I've seen them all and my dear, I'm still here...

...black sable sometimes, sometimes just pretzels and beer/but I'm here.

God I'm tired. There's a lot to do and just not enough time to do it. I've just tried to be proactive and write myself a list of all the things I need to do in the next two weeks for work - it's long, but doable. I never made it to the tap dancing or the drama club and I'm glad, as I realy don't have the energy. I will do it, but perhaps after Easter.

Had a lovely evening at work though - spent nearly an hour chatting to the two deputies who are two women who I admire immensely, and really like and really, really want to like me. I had lots of other things I should have been doing, and ended up rushing my marking into 20 mins at the end of the day, but it was so nice that it was worth it.

I've also been asked to sing solo at the leaving mass next week, which is very flattering and a bit nerve wracking, but I'm quite looking forward to that. I must say that I do feel that I have a lot more self confidence these days, I swear it was that zip wire that did it for me - once I'd done that, I feel more like I can at least have a go at anything.

I have PMT.

Three...is a magic number

3 things you wish for (just for you)
1. Health
2. Happiness
3. A flatter stomach and midriff

3 things you would do to/for yourself if there was no one to judge you (or if you had the guts to do it!)
1. Enter Pop Idol
2. Have electrolysis
3. Write a novel

3 bad habits you have
1. Picking my nails (finger and toe)
2. Bad language
3. Plucking my facial hair


3 insecurities you feel
1. That people don't really like me and are being polite
2. That I could be a better mother
3. The worry that my world will become unbalanced and that something will go wrong

3 talents/skills you wish you had
1. Playing the piano
2. Running
3. Dressmaking

You know, looking at these, they are all things I could get off my ass and learn to do really

3 things that you would do if you had more time
1. Learn to do one of the above
2. Blog more
3. Sit ups - I could do 'em now I suppose...nah


3 things that bring you peace/relaxation
1. Reading
2. Music
3. Alfie and Mike


3 things that spark your creativity
1. Life
2. Books
3. Music

A link to a picture of our rings

http://www.ouralfie.com/images/ring/rings.jpg

It's not a super one but you get the picture!

Just when you thought it was safe to read this blog... a meme

Love this! Nicked from Dix (who single-handedly makes me believe that I DO have anyone even vaguely bothered about my witterings) - it's fab!

Pick a musical group. Answer the questions with a song title from that group.

I'm choosing the Pet Shop Boys

1. Are you male or female? A West End Girl
2. Describe yourself: I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing
3. How do some people feel about you? Can you Forgive her?
4. How do you feel about yourself? What Have I Done to Deserve this?
5. Describe current relationship with boyfriend/girlfriend: You were always on my Mind
6. Describe where you want to be: Surburbia
7. Describe how you live: I'm Not Scared
8. Describe how you love: I'm going to cheat here and use a line from Paninaro "I don't love much but what I do love, I love passionately"
9. What would you ask for if you had just one wish? I Want A Dog
10. Share a few words of wisdom: Don't know What You Want But I Can't Give It Anymore
11. Now say goodbye: Go West!


I totally had fun with that!

An enigmatic post

You know when you think that things are sorted and then they're not? This is about work, so not too much detail, but I thought one thing was going to happen, then it turns out that something else was, and now a completely different thing is going to happen. And the outcome is so far away from what I wanted it's untrue. And yet on the other hand, there are 84,000 people telling you how fabulous you are at your job, how great you are etc - but, because you are a reasonable, helpful person you get the shitty end of the stick - and an acknowledged, unfortunate, apologetic shitty end of the stick by the person who is giving it to you. Sucksville.

In other news, had a lovely anniversary weekend - went to Malmaison, and had a fab time, we went shopping, had lunch, wandered around, had drinkies, went to bed for a bit (heh heh) had dinner in the restaurant (which was a bit disappointing) slept in simulataneously (only till 7.45am!!) had a hotel breakfast (which I always love) went on the Manchester wheel and bimbled about - all whilst my son was being cared for by his grandparents. Bliss!

We also bought each other new wedding rings as both of ours were a) very cheap in 1996 b) a bit knackered. I love them, especially mine, which is three thin silver bands with three silver strips crossing them (holding them together) and three diamonds on the middle strip - I'll post a piccie when I can. Mike's is not dissimilar, but without the strips across and the diamonds.

Only two weeks to the party. I have a DJ, but not really anything to wear. Obviously I have things to wear, but nothing that I think is fabulous enough. Also I am having a crap time with my hair, and I am feeling rather fat. It's the perfect time for a party...

Thank God It's the Weekend

It's been a helluva week. None of Monday's worries came true, but it was good to write them down. I'm blooody tired though. My sis in law is here, and I just collapsed into a Chinese take away and wine last night, whilst introducing her to the joys of Just The Two Of Us.

I keep dreaming that we will have no DJ for the party, although I do have a lead on one, whom I will telephone this afternoon- fingers crossed that he wants the gig.

This week is our actual ten year wedding anniversary, and I haven't had much time to reflect on that so far. I can't really remember what it felt like to be on the verge of something as important as that. I know that I was very tied up in work, and only took a day or two off prior to the wedding, and a week or so afterwards. In lots of ways, we were a bit mad getting married, because compared to where we are now, we didn't really have a strong enough relationship, I don't think. Although, perhaps being married has given us the strength that we had, because we both believe in marriage and love, then it's been helpful to be married during the difficult times, given us an extra reason to work things through.

Both Mike and I had divorced parents, mine in particular had a crap marriage, and we were both determined that that wouldn't happen to us. My Mum was always very surprised that both my sister and I married young ( I was 24, she was 23) after what she had gone through, but I think that we both wanted the stability that we had lacked. Sadly, my sister is one of the statistics, and her first marriage ended after three years. I'm trying to work out what it is about Mike and I that has held us together (14 years in all).

One reason is that we are very good friends. We had a bit of a debate amongst the Stonecutters as to whether or not your partner could be your best friend, and I maintain that for us, that is the case. It's a different kind of friend, but the best all the same. And he can be quite gay, which really helps, he likes shopping and will watch crap telly with me (like Just the Two of Us) even when he says he doesn't. Although not up to my own standards, he does pull his weight pretty well around the house, and with Alfie, which is good. He's a great Dad, but doesn't think that he is, which is a good combination, in fact, I do believe that contrary to most evidence, having a child really has cemented our relationship and made it stronger; we simply did not experience the relationship lows and traumas and bickering that we expected to, we absolutely delighted in this new person, and becoming a three solidified us, there wasn't any jealousy or arguing really (not to say that there hasn't been ever, but certainly not in the early days).

We're pretty good at compromise and debate and discussion, which means that it's rare that things get unsaid, and once they're aired, they have to be resolved. In lots of ways we are opposite, and that's good, because I can get things sorted that wouldn't get sorted and would become an issue were he with someone similar, and vice versa.

I simply cannot imagine my life without him - whenever things have been tough and I've thought about leaving him, it is simply insupportable: I have to have him in my life. And I know he feels the same, I don't think I have EVER doubted that he loves me. And I need that.

Although you don't read this, because I won't tell you where it is, I love you Mike, and I'm glad that you're my husband, my lobster and my bun. Here's to the next ten.

Will this work?

Zoe -- [adjective]: Visually addictive 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

ugh

Back off the holidays and could not get in the mood for work at all today. Been feeling crappy and mardy this evening, and can't shake it off.

Worrying that something bad is going to happen, and that's a feeling that I haven't had for a while. I hope that I'm just tired (didn't sleep well last night).

It's nothing really, a few little things - if I write them down it hopefully will help.

• I think that the boss might be cross with me about something - if she is it is unfair and also, the thing that it is is a stupid thing, and I didn't do it in anything but good faith. I don't want to write it down as I'm loath to write about my job too much or specifically in my blog.
• I knew that one parent was in the bar I was in on Friday, but a friend asked me on the phone tonight if I had had a good time there, and when I asked her how she knew she said , oh X said that her husband was there and he saw you. That's the last time I go out locally as it's not worth it, you can't breathe around here without it being noted. I am a bit worried that someone will complain to the boss about me - and this is where it's helping to write it down: I realise that that is completely ridiculous. yes, someone might think I shouldn't be out enjoying myself drinking red wine and dancing with a girlfriend, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Not like I was dancing naked on the bar or kissing the glass collector!
• I think that there might be some s**t hitting the fan about me being lumbered with a task that I don't want to do and shouldn't really be doing, but was just getting on with, but someone has interfered, and I think it'll cause trouble, and I can do without it
• and that's it

I must be very tired to be worked up really.

Getting out and getting a life...

In a vague attempt to have a life which is more than work and home, and an interest which is more than drinking and eating, I have contacted my local theatre group with a view to joining. I have also discovered that there is beginners tap dancing on at my local theatre on Tuesdays, so I may go. I feel slightly apprehensive, but it's £2, and I never have to go again if I hate it. but I've been desperately trying to think of an exercise I might actually enjoy, and that fits the bill. If you add to that to walking to and from work and wake up shake up every school day, I could be getting fitter. Which is good because I feel the size of a house. I haven't put any weight on, I just feel HUGE.

Went shopping yesterday, and natch didn't get anything, but saw a nice sequinned skirt, which I went back and got today. it was in the sale, which isn't what I wanted, but obviously is a bonus. I also bought a (non matching) top for £10 and a gorgeous cardigan. I treated myself to clinique foundation and bronzer as I'm feeling the need to look after my skin a bit more. The lady recommended an anti-aging foundation and I felt about 56.

Went out with my friend N last night, and ended up dancing and drinking vin rouge till all hours. Now I also look 56, and Mike and I are out for a Thai meal. nice

Holiday...celebrate

La la la la la la la - laptop issues are resolved and I no longer have to squint through a quarter of the screen to use it! Hurrah!

It's half term this week and as usual it's going too quickly. although we have really managed to fit in lots - we had a weekend at Centreparcs with my sister and her family which was really good, it was so lovely to spend some time with her and really get to know my lovely niece. Alfie and I have been very busy since we got back - soft play, visiting friends, Pizza... tomorrow we are having the cultural extravaganza of the cinema and the theatre all in one day- phew!

All in all it has been a really good week. Mike and I had a lovely Valentines Day, we stayed in and had a nice meal involving steak, strawberries, cava and Green and Black's chocolate, and just nattering all night long about loads of things. Anyway, one thing led to another and... so after that I was delighted to be awoken by my son at 6am visiting the little boys' room. Mike's get up tomorrow.

Speaking of whom, finally he is in gainful employment again, he starts a week on Monday and frankly not a moment too soon, as his procrastination skills are driving me to drink! I asked him to paint our bedroom ten days ago, as at least I thought that then he would have a tangible task to do, rather than making me cross by not having done what he should have around the house. Ten days later, and it is not finished - and it only has THREE fricken walls as one wall is wardrobes!!! I have told him it needs to be finished and so does Alfie's room before he goes back.

Our party invitations went out today, and I am very excited as well as very nervous: I still don't have a DJ, I am hoping a friend will pass me the name of a good one. I also don't know what to wear; I would like something new and fabulous, but not sure what exactly. I did buy a lovely black lace dress in the sales, but then I thought the party would be this weekend, and be still a bit wintry - now it's at the end of March - more spring like and less black lace like. Also, I'm kind of not really wanting to wear black - in my head I'm thinking chocolate brown or something. I just bet any money that I won't find anything despite money and my size not really being an object.

Any ideas on the style or outfit?

A thread to catch up on stuff

I can barely see my screen as the leaking of the fluid since I smashed my laptop screen is getting worse and worse. So if there are loads of typos in this bog, I apologise in advance.

Not much is new - been working really hard as my co-teacher is off sick and has been for three weeks, which means lots of extra work for me. We've been busy at weekends as well. ast weekend we went to Whitby to stay with the lovley Rowena, who has a wonderful new man. We had a fantastic weekend, including bracing sea side walks, ice cream, trips in steam buses, red wine, tapas and a fabulous Sunday lunch in a pub.

Went on a work do on Friday and ended up in a bar with a couple of the staff and some of the Mums - it was a very good fun night, I felt for the new boss, as she seemed uncomfortable and not very relaxed, all part of being at the top, I suppose! Mum and Tony came yesterday so Mike and I popped out shopping for the afternoon, and Mike persuaded me to get some clothes from per una. I don't like to spend lots nm individual items of clothes, but I did yesterday and I did like what I got - three things for £89, which isn't like me, but perhaps i do been to be a bit more choosy. I've loads of clothes, but not much for going out in, and lathough i do a great line in the v-necked stratchy t-shirt with long sleeves (I own one in almost every colour imaginable, and about fifteen black ones - I need some other stuff. I think maybe I need a bit of a cear out (I had a rather unwise spend in next last summer to celebrate getting into a size 18 there, and not a lot of the stuff I bought is that nice on me - but will sell well on ebay)

We took Mum and Tony to OCA last night for a meal with A, which was lovely and then we lit a fire and sat chatting and drinking wine. We're going to Centreparcs this weekend with Viv and Joff, as it's half term next week (yay!) so we can have a long weekend. Looking forward to that too.

I know a lot of people are feeling pretty crap at the moment and have a lot of stress int hier lives, but I have to say that, touch wood, I am not one of them - my life seems so content and calm and happy, even with lots of work and no time to do it in, that I ma perfectly content (oh dear, if this was a soap opera, that sentence would be the precuresor to some terrible disaster befalling me)

Lazy blogging - another meme, but I like it...

5 Boys Names

Alfie - naturally
Max
Fergus
George
Richard

5 Girls's Names

Ava
Ruby
Millie
Carmen
Stella


5 Books
The YaYa Sisterhood books (I really do like them) - Rebecca Wells
Something Might Happen - Julie Myerson
Margrave of the Marshes - John Peel
Pride and Prejudice


5 Singers
Joni Mitchell
Paul Weller
Will Young
Morten Haarket
Bono

5 Films

Some Like It Hot
Evita
Bridget Jones Diary
American Beauty

5 Drinks

Coffee
White Wine
Sparkling water
Red Wine
Champagne

5 songs

Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack
Groovejet - Spiller
Wonderwall - Oasis
Superstition - Stevie Wonder

And the next one:

Seven Times Seven Meme:

Seven things to do before I die:
- Go in a hot air balloon - which is odd if you read the third item on the next question
- Throw a really kick ass party
- meet Stonecutters
- Dance at Alfie's wedding
- go on another cruise
- buy myself one of those Red Letter Days where you can record a CD in a proper music studio
- lead a long long happy life

Seven things I cannot do:
- enjoy a Michael Jackson record
- only eat ONE chocolate/square
- anything that involves heights/bungee jumping/parachuting etc - unless maybe Alfie or Mike's life depended on it
- finsh Sebastian Faulks "Birdsong"
- Or "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"
- Keep my resolution to only surf the Net 1/2 an hour each day
- find a form of exercise that I actually enjoy and doesn't feel like the worst punishment ever. I am incredulous when I hear people say "I just LOVE the gym". I mean, really? More than reading on your sofa or vegging in front of the box with a glass of Pinot Grigio? I mean, really?

Seven things that attract me to blogging:
- it's writing a diary without getting hand cramp
- it's as private as I want it to be
- if I'm having a boring life I can do a meme
- I might extend my circle of cyber friends
- I am incredibly nosy and love reading the details of others' lives, especially when they are very different to my own
- you don't have acres of blank pages looking accusingly at you if you don't add to it for a while
- the comments section

Seven things I say most often:
- Oh my Lord!
- Shit!
- Okerly dokerly ( yes, I am Ned Flanders)
- Love you
- Thank you everybody, now...
- Yeah but, no but..
- Shall we have a glass of wine?

Seven books that I love:
- Something might happen - Julie Myerson (in fact all of hers)
- Gone with the Windsors - Laurie Graham(ditto)
- The YaYa Sisterhood books - sorry, but I really do
- The Time Travellers Wife - Audrey Niffenegger (I had it before the hype)
- Anything by Jilly Cooper - the drama! the scandal! trying to guess who everyone really is in British upper class life!
- Pride and Predjudice
- Chocolat

Seven movies I (could) watch over and over again: ( I had to change the title as the seven movies I watch again and again are all kids ones!)

- Some Like it Hot
- American Beauty
- The Full Monty
- Flash Gordon (but only if my sister was there)
- Love...Actually
- I can only think of five. I'm not a huge film buff
-

Stealing memes from Dix

Two to be precise:

List and Explain Five Weird Habits:
1. If I am ever watching teletext, I have to return the counter to 100 (the "home" page) before switching it off. This is probably an archaic habit now, because teletext has more or less been superseded by digital televisions internet service now

2. I absolutely HAVE to use correct spelling and punctuation in text messages. Not for me the whole "gr8" or "c u l8r". I use commas, colons, the lot. Seeing text speak completely makes my blood boil. Also see: people who type in capitals on bulletin boards.

3. My tops have to hang in colours in my wardrobe - all the balck ones, all the red ones etc. Bizarrely I do not have this prediliction with my "bottoms" although skirts and trousers have to hang separately. Jackets and cardigans are also colour coded.

4. I say "hello, Mr Magpie, how's your wife and family?" whenever I see a single magpie

5. I read my favourite websites in alphabetical order each day. I could never read "It's Only Smoke and Mirrors" before "Confessions of an English Actor/Mother/Whatever". That would be weird. It means I have always read Poppy's version of events before I get to kara's.

I had to think hard about that and I don't think they are too weird. Oooh, I remembered another, I don't like to mix food on my fork when eating, and rarely will I eat a sauce such as gravy, as it makes food icky and sloppy.

Next one;

Hello to my six readers

Thanks for signing in below - and again, a major apology to my dear friend Poppy for initially missing her off the post. Mwah, darling.

Working like a ******* this week, and still i don't seem to have enough time. Really loving work at the mo, I feel motivated and effective despite all that. There's something lovely about education and little ones - they can be like little sponges.

Had a visit to the in-laws this weekend which can be a bit of a trial - they're not unpleasant or anything, we just have nothing in common, and to be frank, if you looked at thier house, not even my child - ie thier grandchild. Despite school photos being sent and (on the approximately 10-12 occasions he's seen him in HIS WHOLE LIFE) M's dad taking photos with his camera, there is not evidence of M, me, or our son in that house. M's sisters - check. m's nephew- check. Us? Personae non grata. So, bored, and slightly cross about the waste of a precious weekend day. My SIL is lovely though.

Lost all but 2lb of the Christmas half stone, but not had a great week this week - not readful but not great, so will be happy to sts.

Finished the John Peel autobiography last night - it's a really great book- he wrote the first half and his wife completed it after his death. he's not someone who I ever really listened to apart from occasional enjoyable forays into Home Truths on Radio 4, but someone who has been in the background of my life. I did enjoy it though.

Apparantly it is De-Lurk week

So if you (ever) read my blog, can you just say "Hi"?

I'm fascinated to know, as I suspect I only have four readers: Dix, Beege Poppy and Sal (and what lovely readers they are too - love you lovely girls)

Positive mental attitude continues

Not too bad a week, even though it meant going back to work.

Still off the pop, now one week and counting. Have arranged to visit the lovely Rowena at the end of January, so that will be the official end of the teetotalling, and I feel really good that I know that we will do it. I need to, because I put five pounds on over Christmas, which added to the 2lbs put on the week before makes (hey, good job I am a school teacher) 7lb - half a stone, although this is apparently the amount that the average Briton adds to thier figure each festive season, so get me - I'm average!

Of course, replaced chardonnay and pinot grigio with chocolate at times, so need to do some work on that. People at work are bringing in thier stuff that they have left over for the staff room, which makes me cross - I mean, they are being kind, but don't they know how poor my will power is when it's been weakened by Green and Black's and cadbury?? Plus, I don't have switch off switch once I have had one - hence my ability to completely give up wine, but not have only two glasses a week or something.

I can't remember if I wrote about this before Christmas, but I asked for a transfer to the Juniors before Christmas, for lots of reasons, and I'm hoping to find out in the next couple of weeks. What I do know is that whatever happens, I will be teaching a new year group, so that's exciting a scary prospect all at once. Loving being back and everything being normal again after the upheaval that was the festive season - normality is bliss (clearly I must be on the Autistic spectrum somewhere!)

Made a big effort to get in tough with a load of friends today, it's an extra Resolution to keep in touch more, and do more in the week with people.

Been reading Jodie Marsh's blog - is it wrong to be quite liking her? This is before she has gone into the Big Brother house, so it'll be interesting to see whether the persona portrayed on that will be the same as the one in her blog.

Happy New Year!

Feeling ridiculously positive about 2006 - this year is the year I beat the evil God procrastination and get on with things!

Day one of the drying out yesterday: first challenge, an afternoon at my Dad's, offered wine the minute I walked through the door (it comes out of the tap there) and just simply said "no, I'm on the waggon until Feb 1st." Not too hard!

Feeling worried that I've put on loads of weight over Christmas- I've tracked everything I've eaten and drunk as honestly as possible, and it's a bit scary. Mind you, there's not that much chocolate, only one mince pie, no Christmas pud or cake, so I bet it's not as bad as other people. I had to face the fact that if it weren't for the wine, I would have probably done okay - does that make me an alcoholic? Hopefully that does mean that any gain I've made should be off quite quickly with a month on the dry. At least I had lost that weight before Christmas. Even if I have put all of that back on I'm back where I started and not 10 lbs heavier than that (oooh, get me, I'm Pollyanna)

Back to work tomorrow and the positive attitude will have to keep on there as well - I can't let others get me down, I was really guilty of that towards the end of last year, and that's no way to be. I have found that I have felt a lot better being honest and open about things, and that will need to continue. At the end of the day, I think it is appreciated if someone is up front and truthful rather than devious and bitchy.

December 31st 2005

Now nearly the last day of the holidays.

Things that have happened over the holidays:
I got sick - nothing tangible, but when Alfie and I went to see the Polar Express on the 22nd, I started feeling quite grim, and this lasted through the 23rd, with Nicola and james' visit, and I felt terrible on that night, barely sleeping, and all the next morning. I was very worried, thinking that I would be ill for Christmas, but suddenly at about 1pm, I perked up, and felt well enough to go for our Christmas Eve afternoon and evening with Gail and Bob, and was indeed fine for Christmas, although much paracetamol and nurofen were taken.

I had a lovely Christmas. Mike surpassed himself in the present giving front, with 2 sets of La Senza underwear, jewellrey from Pumpkin, a HUGE bottle of Aromatics Elyxir and CDs. Alfie had a lovely time, and really loved his presents. He has been a complete star over the holidays, not bratty or spoiled like you dread kids being. Just gorgeous.

We went to Exeter to spend three days with Sarah, Chris and Leo, who moved there in the summer, and had a wonderful time. We're going there for our summer holidays with a carrier bag full of used £10 notes in lieu of formal holiday payment, to spend on entertainment.

We went to the Pantomime on Boxing Day which was great, and the aforementioned Polar Express at the IMAX so felt very festive

We moved our bedroom back round after agreeing that neither of us has slept well since we moved it a different way. We have only spent two nights there since the re=move, but speaking for myself, I have slept SO much better. There must be something in this Feng Shui business.

I have eaten and drunk for the UK and also another small country (maybe Lithuania) and have likely put the whole pre-Christmas 10lb loss back on. However, I am placating myself with the thought that if I hadn't lost it then I would have 20lb to lose in January, so, it's not all bad

Been sale shopping with my sister and Sarah, and got some super bargains

Not done ANY work - have made a list for the next three days of things to do, so hopefully will get on top of stuff. Nothing like leaving it to the last minute

Have made a resolution not to drink any alcohol for the whole month of January - my liver needs a rest and also this will help with the Christmas weight gain. Also need to show myself that I am not in fact an alcoholic

Have also added to the list of resolutions posted previously that I need to regain my positive attitude to work that had waned somewhat towards the end of last term. Ride the Storm, Zoe.

First day of the school holidays, and got off to a good start - up early and in Tesco to do the shopping at 7am, back unpacked and houshold jobs done by 10am. Alfie and I getting on very well so far, lunch at a friends, cinema to see Polar Express and a night out with a differentgir girlfriend planned for the rest of the day.

I love this time of year. it's not just the whole Christmas thing, which I do love and am looking forwards to, but the whole excitement of a new, fresh year, and the plans that you can make and the ideas that you can bring ot fruition. I know that a lot of media poo-poos the idea of an arbitrary date to focus on, but I have always found it helpful. I have plans for next year (more on that in a minute) so, i thought I'd look up last year's plans and see how they have gone:

1. Start (and maintain) a blog - I have always loved diaries but never find the time to write them - I am online everyday on my laptop however, so I am thinking that that would be easier. -well, i'm still here - maybe not every day, but I feel I've catalogued my life fairly well, so I'd say that that is fairly well maintained

2. Lose another stone and a half (21lbs if you are overseas) - so far I have lost 65 lbs (45 lbs with Weightwatchers, although I am doing it alone, i.e., not going to class or paying on line which makes me happy as I am not paying some great big money making corporation for the priviledge) - well, no. BUT, I have maintained the weight loss for one year, and that can be harder I understand.

3. Iron out some of the problems in my marriage, of which more at another time - on the whole it's a great marriage, but there are some sticky parts. - things are pretty good between Mike and I. We have a regular babysitter and we spend time together chatting and stuff. Our domestic life is fairly evenly distributed and we love each other lots, tell each other all the time, still snog, and we have had some sex this year. So, I would say, achieved.

4. Go back to the gym two/three times a week - I was doing well, but it had waned to once a week at the end of 2004. Not at all. In fact, we are cancelling the membership. I hate it and would rather walk/ use stairs instead of lifts, and join a tap dancing class for 2006

5. To be the best teacher I can be - that's my job, I am new to the career, having moved from Healthcare in 2002. - Independent feedback seems to verify this


In addition to the above I have the ongoing being a good mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend; trying to see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil especially at work, and to be as good a person as I can - they are not resolutions, but things I am trying to do all the time. It amazes me how much I am learning about all these things all the time.

So, not a bad result overall. I have some thoughts on some aims for 2006;

1. It's the 21lbs again. i would dearly like that to come off and then I'd be fairly happy with the overall loss. I have made some good inroads over the last few weeks, so at least I am in the mindset again, hopfully Christmas will not be my undoing!

2. To spend less time on the Internet. Less useful time that is. I find myself aimlessly wandering around, literally surfing, and it's time I could be spending reading, cleaning, ironing, interacting with people - so, I am restricting myself to half an hour each day

3. To regenerate my social life - it has been work and bed Monday - Thursday and that needs to stop.

4. To improve my temper -I have been a bit short with the two people I love most recently: Alfie and Mike, and I think it needs to stop.

5. To be more organised in the home and workplace

Tagged by My Americo-German sweater muffin friend

Ms Dix that is. And what she says, goes

Four jobs you have had in your life: Teacher, GP Practice Director, Nursing Auxiliary, waitress

Four movies you could watch over and over: Not a huge fan of movies, as in, I like them, but I'm not a real buff. So, American Beauty, Some Like It Hot, It's a Wonderful Life, Love Actually

Four places you've lived: Southport, Salford, Knutsford, Sale. All in the UK. Mostly beginning with S.

Four TV shows you love to watch: Lost, Sex and the City, Friends, Little Britain

Four places you've been on vacation: Cairo, Egypt; Florence, Italy; Florida, USA; Centreparcs

Four websites you visit daily: Weightwatchers, Stonecutters, PoppyMom, It's all smoke and mirrors

Four of your favorite foods: Chinese, cheese, ice cream, pizza

Four places you'd rather be right now: to tell the truth I'm quite happy on my sofa at the moment, but - in a swanky hotel somewhere that has a huge bath and all mod cons; my Mum's; talking to someone I need some closure with; collecting my lottery winning cheque

Four bloggers you are tagging: I don't have anyone to tag. :(

The last post was brought to you by the word "obsessed"

I realised I sounded self obsessed and points obsessed in that last post

Which I'm not really, i was just amazed that I appeared to be full without clearing my plate, verra verra unusual.

Read a whole magazine about body image last night, the Easy Living magazine January issue. i like Easy Living, it has a lot of sensible things to say and is not too obsessed with beauty/fashion - it's quite intelligent. Anyhoo, I was reading these worthy articles about women obsessed with thier bodies and having poor body image, and (in a Road to Damascus kind of way) I realised that I don't actually have a poor body image any more, I am quite happy in my skin. It was a bit of a shock really, like having a comfort blanket taken away, because it's been with me all my life. But it's slipped away gently over a long period of time, so I haven't really noticed it's absence.

Something bizarre

Anyone who reads this blog will know - I have an ongoing, long term weight loss thing going on. I started in june 2004, and lost a lot quite quickly. 2005 has been a year of consolidation (i.e. a fancy, schmancy way of saying, I have stayed more or less the same for a year). However, I have been making a concerted effort for the last three weeks, resulting in a 7lb loss up to last Friday - not a lot to write home about as I was about ten pounds up on my lowest weight since starting.

Something bizarre happened today though. Had my normal working breakfast - two slices of granary toast with marmite - and lunch - 0pt soup (broccoli and butternut squash - yum), a wholemeal pitta, two satsumas and a packet of potatohead crisps, and also indulged in 2 jaffa cakes. 9 points altogether. Fine. Took A to McD's for his tea - in my defence, I have nothing in for tea as Tesco.com are delivering later, and he did have made-from-scratch prawn and cheese taglietelle for dinner last night - and had a coffee. When M got home I went and did some Christmas shopping. Got home at 8pm and M made dinner - fresh tuna steak, baked potato and green beans - 4.5 points.

I have left some tuna and some potato.

Now you need to know that this is an unknown phenomenon for me. I do not leave food. Ever. unless it is disgusting. It does not fit into my psyche.

But I am full. full up to the brim. I swear, I am NEVER full. This is verra verra wierd.

So now I am a ton of points under for the day, like about 8. Bizarre.

There's a better thing than writing a Father Christmas letter -

-getting one back!

Last night, I wrote Alfie a letter back from Father Christmas, and left it by the fireplace with "elf glitter" for him to find this morning. Lord, there is nothing better than your child wide eyed and open mouthed listening to you read him Father Christmas' response ("he knows my name!")

God help me, my life is so fricken busy and full of cr*p at work at the moment that I need moments like that!

Had a lovely day today

Hurray! Two weeks of religious WW-ing has led to a loss of 7lbs, and I am nearly back to my lowest ever weight since I began this diet 18 months ago. It's a long road, but I think one more stone and that will do me.

I went into Manchester this morning, and got nearly all the Christmas shopping done, i actually enjoyed it because I was organised and focussed. Came home and had a lovely afternoon making maize aliens with Alfie and then - writing his Santa letter in front of the fire with Christmas tunes on the CD. It doesn't get much better than that. His letter is so sweet, and he wrote it so beautifully ( I helped him with which letters to write, but he did every one himself, and some phonetic spelling)

Mike and i had our wedding photos out last night. It was nice. i tried to book our party for our tenth anniversary this afternoon, but they aren't taking bookings in the Rain Bar until the end of the month, so I don't feel so disorganised about it. I can plan the party in six weeks, I'm sure.

Just following the pattern - absence=meme

When is the best time to open presents? I'm definitely a Christmas morning kind of girl. Nothing beats waking up on Christmas morning and opening a stocking and some nice pressies.

Have you been naughty or nice this year? Pretty nice. I don't have the time or the enerfy for the naughtiness!!

Real tree or imitation tree? I HATE fake trees. It HAS to be a real pine tree, and I don't care about the needles.

Favorite Christmas cartoon character?


Did you ever write Santa a letter? yes - and looking forward to writing one with Alfie this year!

Buy any Christmas presents online? Some. Time is so short and I hate the commerciality of the whole pushing and shoving and mindless buying. I am going to the City Centre on Saturday - for 8.30am and hoping to be home for noon...


Save the ribbon and paper or rip right through it? Bit of both. I like to recycle the paper though, I'm turning into a bit of an eco-warrior

Sharing Christmas with family this year? Christmas Eve just the three of us, and Christmas morning. Then we're off to my Mum's for the afternoon and for a couple of days. IMHO it's a family time, having tries a couple a deux, and felt that something has been distinctly missing.

Ever ride in a one horse open sleigh? No. Or a two horse one

Ever roast a chestnut on an open fire? No, but I like the idea of it

Favorite Christmas pie? And I have EVER eaten a pie at Christmas.... hang on though, mince pies!

Favorite Christmas movie? It's a Wonderful Life. Love Actually. Merry Christmas Charlie Brown.

Favorite Christmas song? Fairy Tale of New York - Kirsty McColl and the Pogues. Christmas Wrapping - the Waitresses. A Spaceman came Travelling - Chris de Burgh.


People on your Christmas list; more or less than ten?Many more. I am from a divorced family, there's steps and halfs all over the place. Not to mention my four god-children

Will you have a white Christmas this year? You know, we got one last year and it was the most amazing thing! I can't believe that we'll be that lucky again, but rushing out in the snow with Alfie was one of my top memories of last year.

Do you believe in Santa Claus? of course!


Who would you like to kiss under the mistletoe? Oh, go on then, I'll say my husband ;)


Who gives the best gifts? I always like my gifts, especially a surprise, Mike did surpass himself last year with diamonds and silk pyjamas

Do you send Christmas cards? yup, and putting off writing them

What color best represents Christmas? silver and gold is the colour scheme of my tree


Do you own any Christmas music? Yup, holy ones and Christmas hits


How many Christmas parties will you attend this year? My works lunch, the kids party and I think that that might be it

Does the postal worker get a gift this year? Good god no


Giving a present to a pet? no, what on earth for?


Your shopping: All done, half-way done, just started, not yet started? about half I think

Happy birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear Zoe, Happy Birthday to me

Because, dear readers, today I reach the grand old age of 34. Older than Jesus ever got.

I've had a very nice day. My favourite thing that I got was a handwritten card from Alfie who is going from strength to strength with his reading and writing - to see your son's own handwriting with "Mummy" and "love Alfie" was pretty great this am.

So far I have received:

• a diamond watch
• A Robbie Williams CD
• A Kate Bush CD
• A Kirsty McColl CD - we had a good old dance to my theme tune - "In these Shoes" ("In these shoes - I don't think so.... ") tonight
• An Angel of Learning
• a substantial amount of cash from my Dad

and also loads of chocolates, flowers and wine from the children in my class which is unusual, I didn't get stuff last year.

Mike, Alfie and I went out for dinner to our favourite local restaurant tonight, and then tomorrow we are going out with our good friends Steve and Sarah. I had lots of nice cards and texts from people too, including a card from my beautiful niece, my first "to my auntie" card

Thirty-bloody-four though. I feel like I am very old..

Just realised

That I have been blogging for nearly a whole year. I have read back over all of my old posts today, and really enjoyed it - memories, comments - I am so glad that I started this!

Easy like Sunday morning

Kinda - I have done a load of ironing. We finally bought a new mattress yesterday. Our mattress has been dreadful for ages - springs coming out and me waking with a painful back. Anyway, Mike, Alfie and I were at IKEA as it opened yesterday morning (I have thing about being one of the first into places like that at the weekend or I get very angry at everyone else being there and it being heaving busy) and we chose a super dooper one, as well as getting some fab Christmas ornaments and decorations, and we managed to get it into Mike's Chrysler PT to get it home, by dint of Alfie and I squashing up together in the back. Not because we're too tight to pay delivery, but because IKEA has a ridiculous delivery policy whereby if we had bought the mattress yesterday, the very latest they were prepared to deliver would be Friday - not Saturday when we are actually at home, oh no, that would be far to helpful! Anyway, we saved ourselves £35 so yah boo sucks to IKEA.

The mattress is REALLY comfy. I still didn't have a great night's sleep as I am a bit restless at the moment, and I think I need to get used to the comfort - my body is in a Povlov's dog place of waking and rearranging automatically even though it doesn't need to.

I'm quite pleased with how proactive we have been about sorting stuff out that needs to be done lately - new winter bedding, new music system for our bedroom, new mattress - I've even had some dry cleaning and shoe heeling done!

We just had some hot dogs and sparklers outside for bonfire night last night - one thing I hadn't been proactive about was deciding on a display to attend, so we looked at everyone else's instead. We had a really nice time, Alfie enjoyed it, and it was a quick and yummy tea! Next year I might organise a party at our house.

Mike and I spent last night watching music channels as well as X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing, we had a real giggle watching old music videos! I enjoy evenings like that. he showed me some photos he has been taking over the last six weeks I haven't seen yet, I've asked him to update Alfie's webpage as it hasn't been done for a while.

It's my birthday this week (34 - who knew I could be this old!) and I still feel about 17 most of the time. My mum was on her own with three children at my age, and just starting teaching again after years as a SAHM. I can't imagine what that must have been like for her, she's pretty strong. I don't really give her the credit as much as I should for how she coped with all of that.
I love birthdays, and I'm hoping for a good one this week. Apart from that it should be a reasonably nice week anyway - my class is having an assembly on Tuesday which is going ok, and I'm out for dinner with a friend I haven't seen for a while on Wednesday. hopefully we are taking Alfie to see the Christmas lights being switched on on Thursday and then out for a Chinese on Friday (my actual birthday) and then for a meal with friends on the Saturday. So should be a nice week (I hope so!)

It's half term

And for most teachers it's a well deserved break of a week. I have to admit that for me, it's a realisation that the summer was not an isolated experience - why is it harder to have one four year old (your own) than 25 5 and 6 year olds (someone elses)??

I think partly this is because a) I am out of the loop of being 100% mummy and b) I am tired and have had four years without a regular lie in.

I love being with Alfie - he's my greatest pleasure and the thing I'm most proud of and love in my life. Everything is harder with him - there are lots of inevitable but necessary things to do during this break - buy new duvets, birthday presents, car tax, banking etc etc, all of which are made more difficult with a four year old in tow. I don't want life without him, but i could do with my mother living around the corner sometimes - just so i could run my errands. It gets a lot harder, dear readers with toddlers, when they are out of the pram. Although a lot more rewarding in terms of interactive relationships.

It's partly my fault because I tried to fit in some clothes shopping today, as I have hardly any Winter clothes and it's getting cooler. I also have some cash burning a hole in my Ladies Nice Things Account (ebay money and birthday/Christmas money) as well as a gift card for the Trafford Centre. Anyhow, a great big thanks to the saleslady in Dorothy Perkins, who presented my child with a packet of chocolate covered raisins so that "Mummy can try on her clothes in peace" - I am so shopping there forever!! Got a black v-necked sweater and a baby pink wrapover cardigan there - so, so soft, and a black top with mock collar and cuffs in white, similar to something I bought and LOVED in the states ten years ago, and a nice necklace. I took Alfie to Est Est Est for lunch (him pizza, me goats cheese foccacia) and the to the cinema to see the Wallace and Gromit film, which was good fun apart from Alfie being a bit scared and me eating too many fruit pastilles, to the point I gave them to him and said "keep these away from Mummy" like he was an adult or something.

Managed a quick trip to Next to buy a brown top also.

I really feel I have let myself go a bit lately, so i'm really making an effort to get back on the weight loss waggon (weight loss so far this year: none) and start to look after my skin and body a bit more. Apart from fruit pastilles of course.

Whenever I haven't written for a while...

...I do a meme. Stolen from beege who took it from kara

What color is most reflective of you?
I think I'm a bit of a chocolate brown - classy and deep and noticeable whilst not too in your face

How did you get the idea for your journal/blog name?
It's something I say quite a lot when I'm trying to make a point

What time were you born?
9.45 am after a 36 hour labour, with forceps, two weeks late. Perhaps I didn't want to be here...

What song are you playing now (or wish you were playing)?
I have the tv on at the moment. I can listen to Unfinished Sympathy forever though

Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
I cried watching Princess Diana's funeral. It was he posy from Harry with "Mummy" on the top.

What color underwear (or underoos, as I prefer) are you wearing?
Black. They match my bra. I always wear matching colours

Do you want a baby?
Sometimes, although I have already given birth to the world's finest child.

What does your dad do for a living?
Something in IT. Like my husband

What does your mom do for a living?She's a teacher. Like me

What is your pet's name?Jess and Charlie

What color are your bedsheets?Yellow and white gingham check at the moment

What are the last 3 digits of your phone number?460

What was the last concert you attended?U2. how cool am I?

Who was with you?Gail.

What was the last movie you saw? I saw Clifford the Big Red Dog the movie. Yikes

Who do you dislike most at this moment?A work colleague who will remain nameless.

Did you dream last night? I had a dreadful dream where I had been asked to read at my former Headteacher's leaving mass and the child who was reading before me read my reading and I had nothing to read. Doesn't sound that bad written down, but it wasn't nice.

What was the last TV show you watched?I have Coronation Street on in the background

What is your fave piece of jewelery?I like my diamonds, but I think it's my engagement ring. or my wedding amber.

What is to the left of you? The work I should be doing when I'm actually doing this

What is the last thing you ate? Some fruit gums

Write a song lyric that's in your head:None

."Who last IMed you?Haven't IM'd for ages. Stonecutter Sweater Muffins, I miss those days!

Where is your significant other right now?Cooking dinner in the kitchen.
Not a current one, but that's unusual.

What shampoo do you use?John Frieda Brilliant Brunette.

When was the last time you cut your hair?July.

What shirt are you wearing?A black v-necked top.

What is your favorite frozen treat?Ice cream.

Are you sexy?I think I can be.

What's your favorite shopping store?I do like Tesco.

Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? Ten years and counting baby!

Busy busy busy!

Busy busy busy!

Just not been around for a while as the start of the new term ahs been extraordinarily busy - Alfie started school, and seems to be settling well, I can't get over seeing him around the school, he looks so lovely in his school uniform! New head and tons of work, not to mention new role have meant some increased stress levels, but (hopefully) I feel calmer and more on top of everything now.

Stolen from Beege who has also tagged me for childhood memories which I WILL get around to as soon as I have some time to think!

7 things I plan to do before I die:
learn to play the piano
go to New York
Fly in a hot air balloon
Cry at my son's wedding
Be a grandma (I can't do that myself, but I want it!)
Find the ultimate lipstick
Own a terribly expensive handbag

7 things I can do:
Play the clarinet and guitar
Bake birthday cakes
Fashion icing figures for the top of these
Speak French
Speak confidently to a room of people
Make people laugh
Eat the recommended fruit and veg each day

7 things I cannot do:
Use a lawnmower
Get my left and right correct all the time
Save money
Accept criticism well
Not be bothered what people think of me
Resist handsome men
Fly in aeroplanes (or indeed by any other method!)

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
Sense of Humor
Kindness
Warmth
Sense of family
Ability to get on with my friends
Shoulders
Intelligence

7 things that I say most often:
Oh for God's sake
Quite frankly
Love you
Morning!
Alfie
One, two, three, show me two hands
Sorry

7 celebrities i find attractive:
Jack Davenport
Thierry Henry
Robbie Williams
Bono
Damien Lewis
Hugo Speer
Matthew MacFadyen

Welcome to the World Baby Girl!

Well put me in a corner and call me Malcolm - I have a niece! I'd've put money on her being a boy, but now she's here I can't imagine it any other way!

Freya Alys (pronounced Al-ees - Alys is the Welsh version of Alice which was our much loved maternal Grandmother's name, and my sister has Alys as a second name) was born after 24 hours labour by forceps at 2.02am. My sis is a complete star - and she looks magnificent, those endorphins certainly kick in!! Freya is beautiful, she looks just like my sister, and was a whopping 8lb 2 oz - which given the fact that my sister is not built like me at all, and is a slim 5 foot 2, is no mean feat.

Can't wait to go and see her next weekend at home - hospital visits are always pretty rushed and unstaisfactory, especially when you're on a tight timetable as there are other visitors expected, and have a four year old in tow. And your husband refuses to come with you - don't get me started on that.

Welcome to the World Baby Girl - your Auntie loves you already, and I promise to keep you in fabulous accessories forever!

Five Years

My favourite magazine Eve is 5 this month (Happy Birthday Eve!) and I have read every edition. Natch, there was a feature in the magazine this month about all the positive changes in the world that have occured in the last five years. It got me thinking about the positive changes in my own life over the lsat five years and so I dedcided to list them in my blog:

In the last five years:

• I have had a baby - who has grown into a fabulous four year old
• left a job that was quite frankly, toxic, even though I didn't realise it at the time
• found my niche - teaching
• got a first in my teaching degree
• my marriage is in a completely different and lots better place
• I have a brilliant relationship with all my close family
• I still have all the friends who mattered to me at the time, and I also have several more who mean a great deal to me
• I have eliminated about half a dozen toxic relationships from my life
• I weigh five stone less
• I am in a size 16-18!
• I have been to Egypt and seen the pyramids, and Athens and seen the parthenon and the Acropolis
• I have driven in France
• I have done a zip wire
• I have sung at a friends wedding
• I have finally sold my flat
• I have seen U2 live
• And The Pet Shop Boys
• And Morrissey
• I've seen my two best friends marry and have babies - and I'm the godmother to them both
• I've bought and sold on ebay
• I am TONS happier than I was five years ago

Isn't it funny how sometimes you have to look at the really big picture to realise how lucky you are?

Waiting

My little sister is in labour. She has been in hospital since 7am - arrived 4-5 cm dilated, and my Mum called me at 9.30am to say she was going in to be there. Today has been really hard, because I desperately want to be there too, and should be if there weren't stupid rules at her hospital that there can only be two people with her. She was at my labour, but I can't be there.

Yesterday, she went in with a false alarm and I was beside myself with anticipation and...grief - i bawled for most of the afternoon and only stopped when my Mum rang to say that she had been sent home. I don't even know why, I'm of course overjoyed that I am going to be an auntie, but the emotion was immense.

So, today as displacement activities I have cooked a load of stuff for the freezer, done a load of laundry and taken A to the maize maze - and still the poor girl hasn't had the baby. I've had two texts from Mum (who taught that woman to text, it shouldn't be allowed!!) one saying that she had been put on a drip to speed things up and the second saying that the baby had a strong heartbeat but that if there was no progress in two hours then they would do a section. The two hours is up shortly.

Now I had a section - emergency - and I wouldn't voluntarily have one again. My sis, whom I adore, has pissed me off a couple of times during her pregnancy as she has said "oh I wish I could have a section" because that attitude really annoys me - that it's the easy option. I blame all these celebs who have the planned sections. It's traumatic major abdominal surgery. You could die. The baby could die. So I am here praying that she doesn't have to have one.

Hopefully there will be news soon. If not, my Dad will ring me (again) from his holiday in France to ask me "any news?" Yes Dad, she's had it and I couldn't be arsed to call you...