Quite frankly...

Next year

2010-12-20T09:08:00.002+01:00

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

Going dry in January
Get my running back up
Gym three times a week
False eyelashes
New recipes, especially fish ones
Going cold turkey online - to one hour a day (not counting Twitter on phone)
New authors (am desperate!)
Early nights with baths twice a week
make jam
Clear out wardrobe properly
see more friends more often
Go camping again

Five minutes

2010-12-20T09:00:00.002+01:00

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

watching Octonauts with Ted
Brilliant night with Mike in Manchester in July - ooh the hangover the next day
Mike's £50 steak
39th Birthday party
Children all passing their English Speaking Board exam
Headteachers fighting to offer me a job
Day at Cotswold country Farm park with boys
Cardiff with old friends
Meeting Sandra
Ted's drawings of me
Excellent Sea bass at Jitrada
Seeing Colette in Scotland
Alfie growing up so fast
Alfie and Anna's friendship
Simon Mayo on Request Show "Groove is in the Heart"
Singing Rule The World and Pack Up with the children
Running a km for the first time - need to do that again
Hall stairs and landing looking fabulous
Booking Cornwall
Patrick Gale books
Reading The Help
Watching MadMen series 4

Gosh, that went quickly!

15 lbs

2010-02-12T15:30:00.003+01:00

I weighed in at 15lbs lighter today than at the beginning of January - I am delighted and newly motivated! I have worked hard this week and made sure that I have tracked carefully, and also pushed myself at the gym - I'm now doing 3km on the cross trainer as quickly as possible - about 15 mins 30. That way, I know it's coming to an end! Then, the weights and making sure I swim every time too. I adore swimming!

It's been a great week - all my children passed the English Speaking Board exam this week, which makes me feel great, and everyone is really on board with the whole thing. It's lovely to have something tangible to refer to as an achievement! And, it's half term from 3.15pm! Yeah baby! Mike is away all next week, but it is all going to be fine, yes it is!

Off out for a curry with Tina, Tony and Karen tonight, I've saved points and will choose well

Ambition

2010-02-06T19:44:00.002+01:00

I hadn't realised it had been so long.

I've lost ten pounds to date, in four weeks of weighing - last week was a STS after a lovely weekend when Viv and Joff visited and then Sunday lunch with the Mansons - a boozy affair with Singstar and cheesecake. It was also PMT time, so there was water agogo. I'm feeling positive for Monday as I've had a great week food wise and been to the gym and really pushed it on the x-trainer - I'm now seeing how fast I can do 3 miles as I was getting a bit complacent and bored at plodding along at about nine miles an hour, so now I'm pushing myself and keeping up a pace of 11-14 miles an hour, and doing three miles in about 15 minutes. I'm lifting weights at 25-45 kilos depending on which one, and generally I feel pretty good. Not been swimming due to period, although went with Alfie today and had a nice time as bumped into a family we know, the Burgesses and the kids played whilst Sandra and I swam and chatted.

Mike and I had a long chat on Thursday night about ambition - he has been told at work that if "he wants to get to the nect level" he has to do x,y and z. He was saying to me that he oesn;t want to get to the next level; he loves doing what he does and he earns enough, so why would he want to. It tied in with something I've been thinking about about ambition; I've never really had one. I didn't go to Uni thinkning "then I'm going to do this" - my life has kind of "happened" to me. I've had goals: to get into Uni, to get my degree, to get a job, to have a baby, to train as a teacher, to get out of St Joes... but no great Life Plan.

I think that that's okay. I have no idea what the next 20 years will bring... I think that's for the best really. Let it happen, bring it on.

This much I know about the gym

2010-01-17T22:30:00.002+01:00

Why do only men sit on the chairs at the side of the swimming pool? Women go to the gym with a time frame "I'm fitting this in around family/life/work etc" There are men who will sit in those white, plastic slightly uncomfortable patio chairs either alone or with a mate, and while away the hours. Why? Why would you do this?? If you want to natter; get dressed and go to the bar. If you've nothing better to do, volunteer for a charity!!

Why, although there are four television screens, they are perpetually on: Sky News, Sky Sports News, Sky Sports one (two channels)

Only been twice this week, I felt quite poorly at the beginning of the week, with a sore throat and swollen glands, but it seems to have come to nothing. I went on Thursday and it was PACKED! I couldn't get on any of the weight machines and ended up giving it up as a bad job and going for a swim.

I've gone back to counting Weightwatchers points as I've discovered I need some kind of structure to my life, it's easier.

I am starting to feel like it is beginning to make a difference - my tummy feels tighter and I feel generally better, I will be interested to see if I've lost any weight tomorrow. It's not all about weight, well it needs to come off!!

Went to Strictly Come Dancing yesterday afternoon with Alfie - it was fab! We had a really lovely afternoon, it was fun and enjoyable and it was nice for us to spend the time together. It was a bit of a tricky journey there and back as it was a home match at Man U, and even though I took Alfie for a pizza afterwards to try to avoid the crowds, we still got squashed on the tram.

When I got home one of Alfie's friends' mums had rung to invite Alfie to play and for lunch, which was nice, and also quite surprising, as I haven't felt that she was not very warm lately. It makes me feel that I have done that thing that I always do: projected something onto someone that isn't real.

Happy New Year etc

2010-01-07T23:26:00.003+01:00

Well, the highlight of the year so far has been that I went to bed on Monday night wishing for another week's holiday - and I got it!

Snow 8 inches thick fell on Monday night - although to be honest, we got up, got ready and I even went out and began to clear it from my car at 7.50 - and then the texts started: Mike's meeting was cancelled, then Alfie's school was closed... I called my Tuesday school and the caretaker said that school was closed. So - snow day!

It was quite nice in that we had a nice time in the garden, built a snow-woman (she has a boa!) but it was very cold - I particuarly loved that we could go out onto our road which is actually quite a busy one usually and play. We watched too much TV and sat about so, for the rest of the week (for it has become a snow WEEK!) I have pulled the plug on the TV and concentrated on doing other things - we dusted yesterday morning, we have baked, read, coloured, 11+ stuff... it's tiring, but tempers are better. Alfie is banned from computer for two days for taking Xmas sweets without asking as well.

Gym has been going well - 4 times last week, plus once with Alfie, went last night, but got period today, so I'm having a day off - planned to go on Friday and Sunday later this week. I've worked up to 17.5 minutes on the x-trainer, and 1km on the rower - the rower bores me a bit though, and some of the weights do too - I've added extra to the stomach ones, and I definitely feel better, but I haven't weighed yet apart from a scary one last night at the end of the day with 1.5l of water inside and prior to a period starting - I'm going to do it on Monday. Still had no wine or alcohol. Meals are good, but being at home is a bit hard work (scoffs chocolate orange...) But I am making sure that I think hard about stuff - I've cut back on portions and I'm trying to think about it.

I've not cut back to 1/2 hour on the Net, but i've cut back.

New Years Eve Eve

2009-12-30T10:27:00.002+01:00

Up at the crack of dawn with Mr Ted this morning, despite feeling groggy after a night with colette (here on a visit), Ally, Sarah and Nic, and all the kids - wine was flowing as were the bags and bags of crisps - how many weeks till I am fabulous and forty again???

I cannot remember when I last did not have a drink - maybe the 15th/16th December?? I need to have a complete break for the first two weeks of January. I was a bit pissed off that I appear not to have lost weight despite the gym trips etc, and then when I really think about the wine I have necked and the crisps I have nibbled and the chocolate I have picked at, really, I am surprised I am not in a worse state. At least I have been to the gym, imagine if I hadn't? Anyway, am not going to weigh myself until Friday 8th January as then it will be a bit more "normal".

It's time for New Year Resolutions - I had a look at last years, and having made 10, I kept 3 fully and 4 partially - I did keep a list of all the books I have read in the year (41), saw lots of my friends and I did get a new job, so that's good. Wine consumption, internet usage not so good. Fruit and veg consumption, being a good mother and wife. skin care and positive thinking went okay. So all in all, not bad.

Here are this years:

1. Keep a list of books I have read - really handy for new authors etc
2. Go to the gym three times a week and follow the set programme
3. Lose three stone. I think that that is a reasonable amount to go for, it's 42lbs and less that a 1lb a week. It will take me to my lowest ever weight again, and leave me with a goal of another 2 stone for 2011
4. Continue to proactively arrange to see friends and do stuff with them
5. Take my make up off every night. I am going to get Protect and Perfect day cream and night cream with my Boots points because it is brill.
6. Look after my nails - Nic bought me Clarins hand and nail cream and I had forgotten how fab it is - I willl use nightly
7. Do more stuff with the boys - I am rubbish at playing and doing, so I am promising that I will spend at least half an hour each day doing something specific with each of them - sometimes of course that will be something with both of them
8. Really cur back on internet use - I have taken lots of websites off my favourites, but then Facebook and Twitter are soooooo addictive. So I'm going to aim for 1/2 hour a day from 1.1.2010
9. I am going to cut back on drinking. I love wine, but it is stuffed full of calories and I worry about my liver. I am only allowing myself wine on Friday and Saturday. I can have a beer or a G and T on a Thursday or a Sunday.
10. I am going to have more sex in 2010. It's an area of our life that needs to be worked on, and efforts over the Christmas period have been much appreciated on all sides.

I want to look back at this on 30.12.10 and say - yup, did this. And be really proud.

And on that note, going to wake Mike up so I can go to the gym
xx

I have been twice!

2009-12-24T21:47:00.002+01:00

Quite pleased with myself really - done the programme that the twelve year old gave me - I am not a big fan of the cross trainer, but did five minutes the first time, and 7.5 minutes this morning - Cheryl Cole's Three Words helped me get through it! Rowing is ok, and I quite like the weights and am, of course, still swimming. I'm pretty sure that I've not lost any weight though, but I feel better and that's important.

Christmas Eve is okay here - Gail and Bob couldn't stay as long as usual (quote from Bob: "I've never been in this house so long and been sober") and all was fine until Ted decided to puke. He's fine otherwise but God only knows how this will pan out - so far he has been in bed for three hours and all's well - bit of a dampner on C Eve though.

funny moment - Alfie just coming downstairs when Ted#s toolbench was still being constructed - cue hasty shoving over of sheet and mad dash for the door by us!

Happy Christmas!

Went to the gym

2009-12-21T18:58:00.002+01:00

So, I've been swimming three times a week since I joined the gym, today I went for my gym induction - I have not been looking forward to it. But, I mustered my courage, and pretended I was confident - and then, I was!

The instructor was approximately 12 years old (Steve) but he was really okay, he laughed at my jokes and I was completely honest with him - told him about my Fabulous at Forty plan, and that there were 98 weeks to go, explained that I hate running and about going swimming, and that I need some fast results on my tummy in particular to keep me motivated, and that I will be useless at remembering how to use the equipment. He was fab! He has given me a programme that will take about half an hour so that I can swim for half an hour afterwards. It's cross training, rowing, weights. It'll be okay I think, and it wasn't intimidating at all, lots of (mainly men) middle aged types, none in lycra. Had a swim afterwards and generally feel good.

Need a gym playlist on the iPod...

99 weeks to go

2009-12-18T11:18:00.003+01:00

Only swum once this week so far due to period and Mike being away - I am going on Saturday though, and also Sunday. Sunday I have my gym orientation also, so that will help.

Don't seem to have actually lost any weight, although feel, and I am told, look slimmer, so that is good. I've always thought I wouldn't care if I was 25 stone if I was a size 14. Not that I am 25 stone, but you know what I mean.

Have felt very stressed for some of this week; that old "woman doing too much" thing. I have bought every present, written every card, planned every meal... plus worked, been a mummy etc.

Today is the last day of school thank God, so we will have 2 and a half weeks off - Mike is off too, and Ted won't be going to nursery. We've loads planned, so hopefully it will be good fun. I'm really looking forward to Christmas, the boys have great presents, and we have tons planned - wonder what the long range weather forecast is..?

I'm proud of myself for successfully getting through my first term in my new job. When I think how miserable I was last year, it makes me realise how far I've come. Next week, I must look back on last years' resolutions, and make some for this year.

100 weeks to go (well tomorrow anyway)

2009-12-09T13:11:00.002+01:00

Kept up the swimming - now been five times and due to go this evening. Not made the gym appointment yet, but I will. I will. I will...

Feel fabulous, the hunger has reduced somewhat although I'm still not "dieting".

Ted is off sick today, he had a temp last night when I picked him up, and he was warm this morning although all gone with one dose of calpol, he is coughing in a bronchilitis kind of way - he's had it before. Not much going on at work, both my Wednesday schools have play performanced this afternoon, so was actually going to have a paid afternoon off and finish Christmas shopping, but no chance of that now! Never mind, nearly all done now, need a couple of hours stocking filler time and then it will be finished. Even wrapped some, and part way through Christmas cards!

Took the opportunity to do some mopping/dusting today and also make cranberry sauce which has made the house smell very Christmassy. Tree on Saturday, can't wait!

Week one... 101 weeks to go

2009-12-03T21:34:00.003+01:00

Well

I've been swimming three times - 25 mins, 30 mins and 25 mins non stop
I've had a five day wine hiatus - nothing Saturday - Thursday
Handcream has been erratic
Waxed and appointment in a fortnight
Bought no clothes (not THAT great an achievement!)

Things I hadn't expected:
I am starving ALL the time - even though I am not dieting per se - the exercise is making me really hungry!
I am sleeping fantastically
I am in a much better mood - not that I was moody before but I am def calmer

Things I haven't done yet
Made gym appointment - but I will

In other news

Alfie has had a BRILLIANT parents' night. He is working at the level of the average Year 6 pupil in Writing (4b), has a reading age of 13+ and a level of 5 (high level year 6 pupil) and a standardised score or 114 in his maths - Grammar school level. So basicially we need to be thinking 11+ and grammar school for Year 7. Which is WOW! I do think he's very bright myself, but then I am his Mum and exceptionally biased. His teacher said he is a "gifted writer" and I agree - he really is. The really good thing is that he has absolutely no idea how clever he is.

So far so good

2009-11-29T20:31:00.003+01:00

OK, been swimming tonight - first time, as Friday was a non starter due to being held up at the beauticians. So, had my nails done, waxed, re-appointment in a fortnight, been to gym.

I aimed for twenty minutes and I could have a stop if I needed it. I did 25 minutes and didn't stop - I was puffed and my heart was beating quickly when I was done. And - I didn't feel intimidated or embarrassed. that was a big thing for me because I have always felt that way before - but it's just a place - no big deal. The one thing I didn't do which I had planned to was to make an appointment for a gym orientation - I wasn't keen on the man on the desk when I came in, so didn't want to ask him about it. I have given myself till Wednesday to do that.

So, it's all good. Too much wine at Dad's birthday party though. Bad Zoe.

I'm also thinking that the year I am forty I might audition for the X factor - I won't even get to the judges stage but I think it would be an interesting experience...

Fab and foxy at forty!

2009-11-27T15:03:00.007+01:00

I can't believe that it's still here! And I am still here!

I have decided to relaunch this blog - with a sort of new theme - fab and foxy at forty!

In two years time I will be forty, not that old these days, but certainly enough to make me think particularly as I was very much a part of my mum's fortieth celebrations (I was 18 at the time).

It's made me think about my life. I've got the children I always wanted, and there aren't going to be any more, because Mike's had the snip. I'm in a house I love in an area I like. I have a new kitchen, bathroom and windows. I have got away from a job that was destroying my soul and a woman who was bullying and quite frankly, evil. I have a new job that is satisfying and a good balance between life and work. I earn a good salary. My kids are okay - sure I have my worries about them, but my worries are little ones. I could not love them more. Mike and I are in a good place, probably better than we've been for years, despite a huge row a couple of weeks ago - maybe even because of that.

I have a lot to be grateful for.

I want to get healthy now. I drink too much wine (four days a week, 1/2 to a full bottle) and I eat lots, I love food! It's usually good stuff, home made dinners and things, but still it's a lot. I never exercise - unless you count yomping around with a pram - I really don't like any of it.

So - I have some resolutions. Not New Years ones, earlier than that. There are 102 weeks until my 40th.

I have joined the gym - I am going to go three times a week, swimming initially - on a Wednesday between 5-6pm as that's when Alfie is at lacrosse, on a Sunday lunctime when Ted is in bed, and one evening a week, either Friday or a Tuesday. It's open until 10pm.

I will make an appointment during December to have a gym programme developed - and make a couple of the sessions a week gym sessions. I will be clear with the gym person, that I want especially to work on my tummy area, as that is the place I dislike most.

Handcream. Daily.

I currently have my eyebrows and upper lip waxed every three weeks. The last two times, I have had a nail tidy - I hate my nails they're very weak and ugly. So I've decided to have my waxing and nail tidy fortnightly. Three weeks is too long a time to wait to defuzz. So I'm going to increase that.

I have lots of lovely clothes, but I tend to not wear some of them because they're "best" or "too overdressed" - well I am going to wear more of them, more often - otherwise what's the point in having them? This means I am not going to buy anything new until March 2010 - I won't need anything.

I need a haircut - and a decent hairdresser. That can wait till the New Year I think; but I am not facing forty with straggly hair that I have to put up all the time.

Less wine - I need to drink water with it because sometimes I drink fast because I'm thirsty.

More fruit and veg: I eat a lot anyway, but I should eat more.

Writing this down I sound really self-centred and me, me, me - it isn't my motivation. The main issue is getting fitter, I want to see my kids grow up and make sure that I'm healthy to do it. The extra little bits are to help me keep my motivation up.

The blog, I hope, will be a record of this - what I've done and when ( I weighed myself this morning - it wasn't quite as bad as it could have been). I also want to maintain it as a record of our family life; reading back through has made me smile and reminisce - it's nice to remember, even when it's something that's bad.

So if you once read me, maybe come and read again - support me, listen to my ramblings

This week's target: By next Friday to have been for a swim three times. I'm going tonight - after my appointment at the salon for wax and nails...

So so rubbish at blogging

2008-10-06T18:57:00.002+01:00

yadda yadda yadda - said it all before.

But... this is a record of the life I am leading right now - and even the little I blog is good for me to read back on. I read the pregnancy stuff last week and it was lovely!

I ahve however made a bit of a decision not to use the internet as much as I did - Beckie wrote a great post about packing in using it so much and prioritising life things, and she is (as usual) very right. But I do want to keep the blog up, it's a document of my life - and it's lasted longer than any paper diary I have ever kept!

Things are.. busy, to say the least. Take tonight for example. Picked up the boys, but before I went for T, put a toad in the hole into the oven. Never made it beofre, and usually I never put something in the oven and leave the house, but I was going to be out for twenty mins tops, and it took 30 to cook. No problem! So at nursery discussing Ted's bad mood (teeth, tiredness, cold) - suddenly realised we had a long standing dentist appointment at 5.15. Current time? 5pm. Oven on. £30 fine if we don't go to dentist.

So, we had to go to the dentist via our house for me to run in and switch off the oven, which is a HUGE no-no for yorkshire pudding, dash to dentist. No one had brushed their teeth and A was, for want of a better description, quite grubby. Had to apologise to the dentist who was really nice about it. Three sets of teeth checked and back to the house, heat up the oven again, deal with wingy baby, get A changed for Beavers. He is going through a real phase of being a Johnny head in the air, and taking hours to do anything, answering back... *sigh*. Both boys did at least scoff a huge plate of tea (abeit rather flat yorkshire) and T had a banana. T whinged all the way through tea. Then I had to get T ready for bed, and administer some precautionary inhaler, as well as calpol. Then we had to wait for A's lift, and then get T milked up and in bed. Oh, and did I mention that dh is in Reading? And that during this lovely evening, I had dirty hair, itchy excema and knickers constantly falling down? And that I had also been to Asda and corrected a load of work as well?

A Book blog

2008-08-13T20:12:00.002+01:00

What you do is, look at the list below, and then:
bold the ones you’ve read;
[bracket] the ones you love
italicise the ones you intend to read.

1 [Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen]
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 [Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte]
4 [Harry Potter series - JK Rowling]
5 [To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee]
6 The Bible - lots of it, but not all, so I've part bolded
7 [Wuthering Heights] - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 [Little Women - Louisa M Alcott]
12 [Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy]
13 Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (I’ve read the bulk of them)
15 [Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier]
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks - I really struggled with this one, and could not finish it
18 [Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger] (I really loved Franny and Zooey, and also Raise High the Roof Beams Carpenters)
19 [The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger]
20 [Middlemarch - George Eliot]
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens - my second favourite Dickens after Our Mutual Friend
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 [Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll]
30 [The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame - I loved the film as well, the David Jason/Michael Hordern one]
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 [Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis]
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 [Persuasion - Jane Austen]
36 [The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis]
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini- this is in the pile by the bed to be read - Loved a Thousand Splendid Suns
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres - no no no NO!!!
39 [Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden]
40 [Winnie-the-Pooh - AA Milne]
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan - I like the idea of his books, but never quite get the thought to read them
51
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 [The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon]
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 [The Secret History - Donna Tartt]
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy I haven't bracketed this, but I was really moved by it, loved isn't the right word
68 [Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding]
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby-Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 [The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett]
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce - oh dear God...
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 [Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome]
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - A. S. Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 [The Color Purple - Alice Walker]
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 [The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton]
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 [Hamlet - William Shakespeare]
99 [Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl]
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

2008-08-13T14:12:00.003+01:00

I am just so crap. I know no one reads it anyway, but this isn't for anyone else, it's for me in years to come.

It's so long since I wrote that we're now three weeks into the holidays. We've been to Devon for a week and the boys and I have just come back from a little break in Wales with my friend G and her boys in a caravan on a lovely site - spoiled only by torrential, and I mean torrential rain - it's in the mountains which made it worse. I feel great taht I've done this - taken the two of them away, done swimming and stuff, all alone - G and I are like Thelma and Louise (just without Brad Pitt and the driving off a cliff at the end). G and I have been friends since the first day at University, her boys are 3 and 5. It's been so great to go away with her, it's been years since we spent such a concentrated time in each others company, and it was so... easy. We have lots in common, and we are completely honest with each other - always have been. And that is so good.

2008-06-28T14:31:00.002+01:00

Ugh. Haven't had time to blog - well, technically I have but have been doing other things or not able to summon up the energy to type, merely to read. It's been so busy, it's report time at school, my class had their holy communions, I have ahd all sorts of shit to deal with at school which I am not at liberty to print out in this blog, just in case, as stressful as working at my school is, it still keeps me in childcare and shoes. My eyes are all scabbed up again, after a discussion with my mother, I suspect I may be allergic to lanolin. She is, and she developed it in the summer of 1986 when she was *gasp* ...nearly 37. And I am *double gasp*...nearly 37. How wierd is that? I have googled the item I suspect is causing the scabbiness, and ker-ching - it contains lanolin. Been to the pharmacist today, who has given me piriton and suggested daktacort. She initally suggested E45 cream, but I bought that yesterday, and whilst it moisturised the very dry area, made the itching and redness worse. And what is E45 full of? You guessed correctly, dear reader - lanolin.

I am going out with my friend tonight, so God help anyone in the fancy schmancy restaurant who has to look at my beautiful eyes! If nothing else, my social life has taken off recently, and I have lots lined up for the next few weeks, necessitating some creative accounting and regular fake tanning. Meals with friends, dinners out - lots to do, which is really nice. On Tuesday I can turn the calendar to the page that has "end of term" written on it, which is fantastic.

M went to Reading yesterday at some god forsaken time 3.55am. I was vaguely aware of him leaving, so when there was a huge crash downstairs and a rattling of the front door at 4.30am, I shot out of bed like a bat out of hell, and (bravely, but most likely because of still being fast asleep) pelted downstairs to investigate. Nothing. Silence. Had the children fallen out of bed? No sound. Then, I heard a car starting outside so rushed to the window. M leaving? How did that happen???

Turns out he had got about 15 miles and had to turn back as he had forgotten a vital piece of large equipment - which he then dropped at the front door, hence my rude awakening. Needless to say, I could not get back to sleep at all, ended up getting up and watching TV till 6.30 and then going back to bed and reading until the boys deigned to wake at 8am. Humph.

Ted is still not walking which is very normal for a child his age, but wierd as Alfie was trotting around by ten months. I think he is happy pootling about on his hands and knees and letting everyone else do the running around.

Had a manicure today for the first time in my life. My nails look short, but nice.

2008-06-08T20:43:00.003+01:00

I went to see the Sex and the City film yesterday evening with my friend. We are both big fans and have been since the beginning, so we went with great anticipation.

And I did enjoy it, it was good, but...

it was too long, even though there were many strands of the story that were barely investigated - Miranda and Steve for example, and Charlotte's sudden fertility. I know it has to be Carrie-centric, but...no. I would much preferred to have had a new series or three hour long specials or something. I love it so much, but I feel slightly let down. We also went to a nightclub that we used to frequent back in the day, and that was good too, but didn't quite hit the spot either. Had a good night with a dear friend though.

More!

2008-05-30T09:16:00.004+01:00

2008-05-30T09:06:00.002+01:00

Boy with a Lizard!

Big smiley boy!

I am not Mary Whitehouse, but....

2008-05-26T10:26:00.002+01:00

It is 10.30am on a Bank Holiday Monday, and my six year old and I are in our pyjamas browsing the TV. We've watched "I'd do Anything" from last night (taped because it was Ted's Birthday party yesterday - more on that later). We have flicked through for some music - I had to turn off E4 because there was a song with an accompanying video portraying a busty lady in her sexy underwear walking through a desert (I think it's called "Flashlight" but then I'm not with the kids anymore), flicked to another channel and immediately switched over as it was "The Thong song" and then on the third was faux lesbian kissing with Tatu's "All the Things She Said" (who interestingly DH and I were only talking about on Saturday as he remembered they once represented Russia in the Eurovision. But I digress)

My question is - how can this be the choice on a Monday at 10.30? Why should my six year old be exposed to that??? I realise I only have the three free music channels but I have no reason to believe that it is any different on the paying ones. Am I a prude????

If you were going to the SATC Premiere

2008-05-14T19:09:00.004+01:00

...would you dress like this woman behind Cynthia Nixon?

I don't even claim to be any kind of style icon, but I mean, really???? It just goes to show that all black is rarely a good look.

If this goes right it means that I have finally worked out how to do something fancy with my blog, and you'll never hear the end of it. And if it does work then it was piss easy and I don't know why I haven't done it before

Here comes the Sun!

2008-05-11T18:43:00.002+01:00

There's something about sunshine and summer that makes the world seem a better place. In my younger years I used to say I preferred winter - could cover up in more clothes, I liked cold, crisp days, my birthday, and Christmas. Of course, I still like cold, crisp days, my birthday and Christmas, and there is a certain cosiness in winter clothes, but the reality is that Christmas is one day, my birthday's somewhat lost it's edge as I get older, cold and crisp days are few and far between - more like damp and grey days - and clothes are all well and good but you need to strip off once you get indoors. You know where you are on a bright sunny day, you can get a t-shirt out, linen trousers, silver birkenstocks (I love them...), hold back bad hair with sunglasses, and spray on a quick tan. The air is fresh, people have barbeques (we had one yesterday) and you feel more like talking with your husband over a glass of wine. Next weekend we get our garden done and I cannot wait!

Ted now has seven teeth, and a few words "ma-ma", "bye" "yeah" - he's finding the heat a bit much though

2008-04-28T20:52:00.002+01:00

It's Monday. My hands smell of bleach. My eyes are scab-tastic thanks to some sort of weird allergic reaction to something I'm not sure. I have a mildly sciatic pain in my lower right back area. But I do have two rather marvellous sons fast asleep in bed, Brothers and Sisters on the V+ and a small (ish) glass of red wine on the go. Everything is tiring and I live for Thursdays.

Had such a lovely break

2008-04-03T08:26:00.002+01:00

Had a lovely Easter holidays - today is the last day for me because I would be off tomorrow anyway because it's Friday. I made a conscious effort to fill our days with some different things to do, and it's worked really well. We've been to the park, the cinema (Ted went to nursery that day) and for lunch, been to see four lots of friends, been to a farm, today we are going to school for me this morning (Ted in nursery again) and then for a quick bite before going to see some friends, we've been to Blue Planet aquarium, an Easter Egg hunt, seen my Mum, Dad, sister, Mike's sister... it's been fab. We've had time at home too, and the housework is OK, we've done some activities, watched some TV and started a huge jigsaw. I managed fine when Mike was away Monday/Tuesday. Which bodes well as he's away all week.

I do feel a bit odd about Ted going into nursery. He's only gone in two full days in the last two weeks (and by full I mean 9.30-3.30) and also he's gone in this morning so I can go into work for a couple of hours. Alfie can entertain himself for that time, Ted, not so much... It's also so that he doesn't forget about nursery, because with Mike being away next week, I don't want the trauma of having to settle him back in, he doesn't like me dropping him off at the best of times. I do need to do stuff with Alfie as well, as he is such a great and patient big brother, but he does need his time with me, and the things he enjoys (cinema, Blue Planet) are better without a 10 month old in tow. In addition, I looked after a friend's two children on the Blue Planet day, so it was easier not to have him with me, although it would have been manageable. I suppose I'm lucky to have the option, my sister would say, but hey, we PAY for that privelidge, and plenty of money for it, and there's no reduction if you don't go in the holidays. I suppose using it as an occasional babysitter in the holidays is useful, but I still feel slightly odd about it. I'm sitting here in my PJs, Alfie is watching Scooby Doo and we have had our breakfast and the back of my mind is wondering if he is ok. It's guilt I suppose, in spades. I AM going to work in a little while though.

Parenting - a stick to beat women with.

I was in my local Co-Op today

2008-03-31T19:33:00.003+01:00

waiting patiently whilst DS1 decided which of the many children's comics/magazines I was going to fork out for him, and was perusing the titles available for grown ups (rather than "adults" which is a whole different genre) and noticed that they had a bout eight copies of Harpers Bazaar. Now, it's a nice enough Co-Op and everything but I wonder if they really sell EIGHT copies of that particular magazine a month? Bearing in mind I am a magazine whore and I have never ever read it, it's quite posh really.

Anyway, a meme stolen from the lovely Beege

1. Do you like blue cheese?
I love blue cheese, especially Roquefort which i didn't realise counted as an unpasturised cheese until so late in my pregnancy as to make no difference

2. Have you ever smoked?
Yes, on occasion. I smoked regularly at University, although never enough to wake up in the morning and want one, but enough. I cut back a lot about eleven years ago, but have sporadically indulged since. Of course, during that time, the number of people I socialise with who smoke (because it tends to be when I am *ahem* socialising that I smoke) has reduced considerably. I am also in the fortunate position to be able to smoke and then not smoke for ages. The last time I had a cigarette was before I found out I was pregnant with Ted. then I had one the other week along with a lot of red wine, and was sick. I'm not expecting to have one again forever now, as the sickness was hideous.

3. Do you own a gun?
No, and I never want to, nor do I want to shoot one, in fact I'm not sure if I've ever even SEEN one

4. What flavour do you add to your drink at Sonic?
We don't have this in the UK

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Not usually. I did when I was younger because I thought that they would always give me a hard time about my weight, whereas now, well, if they do they can stick it, I know I am a big girl, and I don't need someone with a medical degree to tell me that. Having worked with GPs for years I have a slight contempt for them rather than an awe

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I would eat one in an emergency

7. Favourite Christmas movie?
It's a Wonderful Life

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee. I love it, and need about three within an hour of waking.

9. Can you do push ups?
A few.

10. Do you know the secret to a happy life?
Sunshine should feature. Children also. Pinot Grigio, friends, music...

11. What’s your favourite piece of jewelry?
The only things I wear all the time are my wedding and engagement rings which are not actually the original ones in either case. I have lots of necklaces that I like a lot. My least favourite piece of jewellery is the earrings my husband bought me for Christmas, but that's a whole other story

12. Favourite hobby?
Reading, socialising

13. Song you’re listening to right now?
None - there's a bit of background music on Grand Designs on the TV and Radio 4 on in the kitchen upstairs

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
No.

15. What’s one trait you do not like about yourself?
Bitching about people in my head although not so much out loud

16. Middle name?
Elizabeth. I like it and it goes well with my first name

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1. What shall I make for my dinner?
2. If I have a glass of wine tonght by myself am I am alchie?.
3. Alfie needs to go to bed soon.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Nothing at all

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Coffee, water, wine

20. Current worry?
That it's a mistake to send Ted to nursery, even though he is perfectly happy there

21. Current hate right now?
Some stuff at work

22. Favourite place to be?
Where my children are. In the sunshine. Bed with a good book

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
Grumpily because Mike insisted on going to bed before midnight on purpose because he hates New Year. I hate the whole "party like it's 1999" thing too, but going to bed mardily at 11.50pm pissed me off.

24. Where would you like to go?
France on holiday in our own little house with aircon and a pool.

25. Name four people who will complete this:
Nobody reads this blog!

26. Do you own slippers?
Yes, and I wear them sometimes, but I find them too flat for me and I feel slobby. I'm so with Flylady on this one

27. Last magazine you read:
Saturday Times magazine. I am about to read this month's Red and Marie Claire when I achieve 17.2) and 3) above

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I never have but I don't imagine it to be a nice experience

29. Can you whistle?
Yes.

30. Favourite colour?
To wear: Black, brown, white, green. In sweets I always like the green ones

31. Would you be a pirate?
No, I get seasick

32. What songs do you sing in the shower in the morning?
I don't sing in the shower as a rule although I sing everywhere else. Lately I've been singing snippets from High School Musical 2 because we are watching it a LOT.

33. Favourite girl’s name?
You see, we never really got there with girls names, we had Helena for Alfie and six for Ted: Amelie, Anya, Annie, Maya, Tess and Francesca. I suspect he would have been Francesca
34. Favourite boy’s name?
A tie: Ted and Alfie
35. What’s in your pocket right now?
They are empty but there have been: an earring, a mobile phone, a pair of Ted's socks, my front door key and a tube of Daktacort at various times today

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Ted and Alfie

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
*sobs* we didn't have fancy ones, but I did like my green and white gingham check

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Broken arm, broken leg

39. Do you love where you live?
I love my house, I would like it if there were some jobs done on it that need doing - new kitchen, bathroom, hall stairs and landing decorated, garden remodelled etc.I like the area too, near to amenities, leafy suburb

40. Cat lover or dog lover?
Neither really although I do own two cats

41. Who is your loudest friend?
I am probably everyone's loudest friend, but mine is probably Bob

42. How many fish do you have?
None

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Don't think so

44. What is your favourite television show?
Hmmm. Well, the Sopranos has finished. I love Brothers and Sisters, ER, Desperate Housewives, and I am enjoying Dirty Sexy Money and Mad Men. I like Gavin and Stacey, The Apprentice, Ashes to Ashes

45. What is your favourite book(s)?
I love loads of books. Anything by Adriana Trigiani, Marian Keyes. I loved A thousand Splendid Suns. Time Travellers Wife. Anything by Laurie Graham and Lorna Landvik

46. What is your favourite candy?
I love white chocolate.

47. Favourite Sports TEAM?
Liverpool Football Club

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I quite fancy the guitar bit in Evita, and everyone crying and wearing mantillas. I hope that if I ever have to choose that stuff I will choose something that epitomises me whilst making everyone smile. Something like "In These Shoes?" by Kirsty McColl.

50. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
What time is it? God I need a wee!

I am naughty

2008-03-30T14:39:00.002+01:00

My SIL and BIL are here with my nephew. They are lovely, but quite quiet and reserved. So I have sent everyone to the park whilst I Cook Sunday Lunch*

*watch an episode of ER on V+ whilst surfing the internet, as I prepared most of the vegetables this morning. I have made a cheese sauce for the cauliflower, and parboiled the spuds though

Tagged

2008-03-29T16:11:00.002+01:00

I've been tagged by Rio, the beautiful Clover. Here's the rules:

The rules: Link to your tagger and post these 3 rules on your blog.
1. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
2. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
3. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Facts:

1. I am growing my hair. Two reasons: one, my hairdresser has moved to Spain, and I am noturiously bad at trusting anyone with my tresses. Not that they are fabulous or anything, but they're all I got. Two: My sis is getting married in October, and I fancy having an "up-do" for the occasion.

2. I had a mojito last night for the first time. Then I had one for the second time. Me likey....

3. I have given up buying crappy Celeb magazines for 2008. Thids does not mean that if I come across one in the dentist or at my Mum's house I can't read it, but that I can't actually pay good money for one. So far, I have not found this a wrench at all.

4. I developed a skin tag on the side of my right boob when I was pregnant with Ted and I have had enough of it, but I am not sure if I can be arsed to have anything done about it

5. I play the guitar. And the clarinet, but the latter not for a number of years

6. I very rarely watch films. I have to really want to watch it, I would never go to the cinema on a whim. This does not include the children's films I am sporadically obliged to watch, such as Horton Hears a Who on Thursday. Therefore, I am never able to contribute to discussions on such gems as Pretty Woman/Spinal Tap/Lord of the Rings/Forrest Gump etc etc, as I have never seen them, or indeed many other alleged "Classics". However, when I do love a film, I love it passionately (Some Like It Hot, It's a Wonderful Life, Crash, etc) I have films still in cellophane wrappers that people have bought me on DVD and I have never watched (Girl with a Pearl Earring/The English Patient)I just don't want to waste two hours of my life on them (although I can happily channel surf/internet surf for two hours)

7. I have a passion for unsuitable men. Current favourite: Tony Soprano. I fear it is a deep rooted need to rebel against the good girl that I really am.

7.

Sixteen Years Ago Today

2008-02-29T15:03:00.002+01:00

I started "going out" with Mike. Well, by that, I mean we got together at a college party, spent the night together (no, we did not have sex!) and parted on excellent terms. It was the 4th March when we finally began to officially be "boyfriend/girlfriend". But, we like to think of the 29th February as our actual anniversary, partly becuse it's a more interesting date to have as an anniversary. When we got married, we married on the closest Saturday to the 29th February, four years later. We wanted to get married on the 29th, but it was a Thursday. So, Sunday is our twelth wedding anniversary. Two years ago, we had a party for our tenth anniversary at a bar in town. Last year I was pregnant, and we agreed not to have presents. It was miserable, and I never want to have that again.

So, this year, we are going out to dinner, and I have bought Mike a nice present (it's a bag, a Kickers one, so he can put his lunch, iPod, papers and everything he needs for work or if he goes for an overnight) and a card. It's also Mothers Day on Sunday, so I hope that he has made an effort.

I had such a nice week off with my boys last week. I really still don't know what I'm going to do about working - I like it and Ted's happy enough, but it's not all that's important.

I'm thinking of starting another blog, a project one, like "what I wore everyday" or ate every day or similar. Not sure which

Feeling a bit better

2008-02-17T10:47:00.003+01:00

Thanks Beckie...

The sun is shining and I've had a talk with my husband, because I started writing something in my Valentine to him and once I started I couldn't stop... anyway it was cathartic, it's half term, we've got quite a bit planned and I'm just generally feeling better. There are people I am fed up with but heigh ho.

It's Sunday morning, we're all in our PJs watching Primeval, there are friends coming for dinner later, and I feel more in control of things. Good.

To celebrate: a meme ;)

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten years ago, I was 26, about to celebrate my 2nd wedding anniversary. We had gone to London for my first one, but I can't remember what we did for the second. Probably went out for a meal. We were living in Knutsford, and getting ready to move into this house in the April. We had my friend living with us. I was working at the Doctors' practice and we were building new premises, which was really stressful. I was also wondering what was going to happen to my job under the new political regime.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Being pregnant, counting the days until maternity leave started at Easter, feeling fed up and poorly. I had had a horrible January, been ill with the flu and Mike had worked away for the whole month as he had just started at Microsoft. I had just interviewed for my management job and been appointed to it. I was panicking that I wasn't in any way shape or form ready for having another baby.

Five snacks you enjoy:

Crisps - either salt and vinegar or ready salted
crackers and cheese
flapjacks
toast with butter
eat natural apricot and almond bars

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
- I know loads!
Wonderwall - Oasis
Yes- McAlmont and Butler
Groovejet - Spiller
Diamonds and Rust - Joan Baez
Your love alone is not enough - Manic Street Preachers

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Pay off mortgage
Pay off Mum's mortgage so she can stay in her house
Take the children to Eurodisney
Invest enough to give up work
Get a personal trsiner to MAKE me exercise
Have the house remodelled

Five bad habits:

Eating when not hungry
biting nails
Putting pens in my hair
Losing things and not looking in the obvious places for them
Mindlessly watching TV

Five things you like doing:

Spending time with my boys
Reading
Hanging out with good friends
Shopping
Listening to music

Five things you would never wear again:

Leggings
Jogging bottoms or sportswear in general
a Bouffant hairdo
a non-underwired bra
thongs

Five favorite toys:

Computer
Interactive Whiteboard at work
iPod
Alfie
Ted ;)

2008-02-08T10:56:00.000+01:00

I think I might be hitting a wall. There's nothing huge, but I'm at a bit of a place where I feel excessively tired, somewhat PMT-y, a bit cross with my friends and family because I feel a bit unsupported... and none of it is really very justified. I've been here before, about 8 months after Alfie was born. Bingo.

There's something about going back to work and all that that entails. In actual fact, it's been okay - I like being myself for a while, Ted is happy at nursery (when he's not picking up a bug) I'm popular at work and good at my job - it's the whole just not feeling like I'm doing anything properly - being a mum, a teacher, a friend... and I am a dreadful wife. It's like that Kirsty MaColl song: "I've been an awful woman all my life/A dreadful daughter and a hopeless wife" - I KNOW that I'm not an awful woman - I just FEEL like one.

A Year Of Non-Extraneous Spending

2008-02-02T20:46:00.000+01:00

One thing I haven't mentioned is that 2008 is supposed to be my year of not buying anything extraneous. Reason: well, going back to work four days clearly means that I will have less money - plus, the money we need to spend on nursery means I have even less (see: was it worth it? above) and also, because I think that I have a tendency to spend a bit recklessly at times - not huge amounts of money, but even so...

So, as January is over, I can report that I have purchased nothing but a tube of Benefit ThatGal! which I did think about really hard before I bought, and wasn't extraneous. However, the tube I bought has all gone, so I won't be buying it again, because it doesn't last long enough. I have clothes coming out of my ears and a load of maternity stuff I need to put on ebay, because I really fancy getting myself a pair of TummyTuck jeans (£80!! - but if I'm not buying anything else...) It really hasn't been that hard - I haven't really been anywhere to buy anything, although I did go to the Trafford Centre on Friday and bought my goddaughter Emily books for her birthday (not extraneous - a gift) and books for the boys, and trousers for them both as they are both growing hugely (also necessities). I've only bought one lunch at work. I needed a tub of moisturiser and actually USED one of those £5 off coupons you incessantly get in Boots. I have bought two magazines, but have completley avoided the Now/Closer/First (who have helped me immensely in my quest to buy no more celeb mags by employing Ulrika Jonsson as their agony aunt - I mean as IF!!!)

Is it all worth it?

2008-01-31T20:24:00.000+01:00

So as I was piling my kids into my car at 7.45am, being pelted to death by a massive hail storm that had started the minute I locked the front door, having been up since 6 getting myself and them ready for work and school, dealing with the fact that the dishwasher has packed in and there's going to be a dilemma about whether to mend it again, or to buy a new one, and the above thought cheerily popped into my mind. Yes, the kids are worth it obviously, and mostly the job is worth it, but is the whole thing worth it? At least Ted went back into nursery so that was something.

The thing is, I had a really good day at work today, I really felt like I achieved loads, but really is it worth it????? Answers on a postcard to Quite Frankly....

Feminism rules ok?

2008-01-29T15:27:00.000+01:00

So today I am having my first ever day off teaching to take care of a sick child. Believe it or not, A has only had one day off sick since I began teaching, and Mike took the day off then. So far, since he started nursery, Ted has had conjunctivitis and *supposed* diarrhea (he didn't) and Mike has taken a day to take care of him. He's also been called to pick him up early once for another bout of conjunctivitis that he got laughed out of the doctor's surgery for as it was a bit of mucus in the corner of his eye *sigh*. So anyway, today he is off because he keeps being a bit sick when he eats - I've had him at the doctors (I should get a season ticket) and there isn't anything wrong with him, he's perfectly okay, playing and happy. But they made me feel like a criminal yesterday when I went to pick him up, so I don't really have any choice. And then I feel bad because I feel like I'm putting work before my baby - and I'm not. If he was really sick, then I wouldn't think twice.

Having said that, now I'm off, I've had a really nice day with T - got stuff done at home, played with him (I've just been giving him weetabix, there's been a couple of mouthfuls of sick but nothing spectacular) tidied both the boys bedrooms, caught up with my V+ watching - it's been nice.

On Saturday I wrote myself a big pros and cons list for work and not working - I have to say that my list for cons of working was longer - but then it's not an exact science as the weighting for each reason isn't the same. Mike and I talked about it this morning in bed, we both agreed that domestically life would be easier if I were at home. And today reminds me that it would be. It's a tough decision to take - I want there to be some kind of sign for what is the right thing to do. I was saying to Mike this morning, I know what will happen; I'll resign, and then whilst I'm working my notice, T will never get sick, I will love being at work, the weather will improve, my social life will pick up, my weight will go down by a stone... and I'll think I've made the wrong choices!!

It's the everlasting quandry for women - it's all my friends are talking about whenever we get together, the balance between home life and work life. It's like feminism shot us in the foot, we're now allowed to do everything- work hard all day, come home and run a house, manage the kids and feel guilty about everything, oh and at the same time, look fabulous, cook from scratch, not drink too much and read worthy books. I don't think I check any of those boxes.

In other, more frivolous news; I am delighted to announce that I fit back into three pairs of trousers that I haven't for a year. There are still another six or seven pairs in the wardrobe however.

New things I like so far in 2008

2008-01-13T21:45:00.000+01:00

1. Benetint by Benefit - where has this been all my life? I love it! It's a revelation in a bottle and smells yum. I am a bit of a fan of Benefit - I love their BadGal, concealer, Oohlalalift and Lemonaid as well.

2. Mistresses on BBC1. A bit predictable but fairly engrossing

3. Not a new thing, but back onto Radio 2 in the mornings as a compromise between Radio 1 (DH; I think it is crap, far too much self-congratulatory bollocks from Chris Moyles) and Xfm (me; DH thinks Jason Mamford is boorish and hates the adverts)

4. Ipod stereo systems - how fab

5. Littlewoods Direct catalogue - everything I have had is fab

Come Dine With Me

2008-01-13T21:34:00.000+01:00

Is mine and dh's secret pleasure. In case you haven't seen it, five people who are strangers cook dinner parties for each other on five consecutive nights and give each other marks out of ten for the food/hosting/experience. It's on on a weekday on Channel 4, but we v+ it off More4 on a Sunday where they play the five episodes back to back, then we watch it altogether on a Sunday night, skipping the adverts. It is an ace programme, and the only reality TV programme I would ever consider being on, not particularly because I consider myself to be anything like a good cook, but because I love the idea of five strangers living in each others' pockets for a week and scoffing loads of different foods. Either they get on really well, or there is one nutter (a la every series of Big Brother since 2003 )who everyone hates and is quite mad.

And the first week is over

2008-01-11T10:42:00.000+01:00

The title says it all.

We, as a family, have survived the first week of Mummy being back at work. And, it's been okay, as okay as I might have dared to think it might be. Ted has settled down so well in nursery, the girls seem to be looking after him really well, he's happy and smiley, eating and sleeping, which must indicate contentment. He's also very very pleased to see me when I come to get him, which is important. Back at work, I'm doing okay, getting into the swing of things, and I do love being in front of a class and having fun with them. The days are so busy that they do fly by and not too much of a chance be sad. The hardest bit is the end of the day, when I have to get everything ready for the next day, collect two children from various places, get home, get Alfie's tea ready and entertain Ted all at the same time. It's helped by the fact that Ted is quite keen to have another tea (he eats about 4ish at nursery when he gets him, so we all sit down together whilst the boys eat. The only permutation of a day we haven't done yet is me doing the whole shebang because Mike is away. That's on Monday, when I will have to drop off and pick up both boys and do bedtime alone. I think Alfie will be having a special treat of McDonalds on Monday night, so this will help a bit! For the first time, I think I need to be cut a little slack... or maybe I'll get a pizza. Mike will be at home late in the evening and it will give me the chance to catch up on some Sopranos, I am only on the episode that More4 put on on the 27th December!

Today is my first day of not working (because now I work 4 days a week) and although it's only 10am, I am already loving it. It's so nice to be back being a Mum, taking Alfie to school and then getting Ted into bed, looking forward to getting him up and spending the day together - and of course, getting the Friday feeling on a Thursday!

The new regime

2008-01-08T20:09:00.000+01:00

Oh dear God, I had forgotten how exhausting the job is - particularly when you insist on wearing high heels. Well, I will not succuumb! I need the three inch support!

It;s going OK - Ted is doing fantastically and I am so very very proud of him. He seems happy and content at nursery, although very pleased to see me when I come to collect him. Last night, Alfie started Beavers, and he was fine about going, and me leaving him there; I went home and ruminated on the achievement that is having confident, well adjusted children. I don't often congratulate myself on my parenting, who does, but I do feel like this is something to celebrate.

In terms of going back to work; well, it's okay really. I do love being in the classroom, it's something I feel that I can be good at end enjoy. I love being with children and so far, I'm enjoying the new age group (7-8 rather than 5-6) - thier independence is refreshing. I'm busy, but that's ok. I am just about managing the whole 'getting two kids home and sorting them out' situation, so far without resorting to convenience teas, I'm constantly thinking about speedy, nutritious meals that preferably let me hold a small baby whilst preparing. I'm also finding a cup of coffee very invigorating at 5pm, which I wouldn't normally do in fear of it keeping me awake, but at the moment, the minute my head hits the pillow...

I cannot WAIT for Friday, and my chance to be a Mummy again for the day, it can't come to soon. Well, in 48 hours, my working week is over, so heigh-ho! Onwards!

2008-01-04T16:51:00.001+01:00

2007 In The Beginning...
Where did you bring in the New Year? In bed, I think as I was 17 weeks pregnant
Who were you with? Mike, Alfie and the soon to arrive Ted inside!
Did you kiss anyone at midnight? I was probably asleep, but if I did it was Mike
Did you make any resolutions? I will check back in the blog, but they would be most likely to be about being a good mother/wife/daughter/friend etc

2007 Your Love Life...
Did you break up with anyone? No
Did you get anything for Valentine's Day? A card
Did you meet anyone? The lovely Ted!
Did you fall in love? Only Ted!
Are you still in love? Yes, more each day I think

2007 Friends and Enemies...
Did you meet any new friends this year? I met some new Mums, and also someone who I think is going to be a great friend who I met in hospital when we were having our babies. A couple of new work colleagues
Did any of your friendships end? I think I've come to the end of the road with one person although we did exchange Christmas cards - we've become too different. A dear friend passed on right at the end of 2007
Did you dislike anyone? I'm not a fan of someone who I'm supposed to respect
Did you make any new enemies? I hope not although I expect I'm not everyone's cup of tea
Did you resolve any fights? No
Who was your closest friend? Colette, Karen, Gail, Nicola
Who did you grow apart from? my Dad sadly as he's emigrated - inevitable I suppose
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? There's someone who i should have cut out years ago and didn't until about seven years ago.

2007 Your BIRTHDAY!!!
How old did you turn? 36
Did you have a cake? No
What did you do for your birthday? Went for a posh meal with some mates
Did you have a party? No
Did you get any presents? The pictures I posted here on canvas. Perfume. Cosmetics
If so what was the best thing you got? Perfume I think, the photos are nice, but I don;t think that they are really a present for me alone

2007 All about YOU...
Did you change at all this year? I'm more family orientated than ever because I've got more family1
Did you dye your hair? Yes, chocolate and caramel highlights
Did you get your hair cut? Yes. about four times
Did you change your style? Went a bit shorter but essentially the same curly bob
Were you in school? Teaching in one1
Did you get good grades? N/A
Did you have a job? Yes, but on mat leave April - Dec
Did you drive? Yes
Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! Me!
Did you move at all? No
Did you go on any vacations? Devon
Did you leave the country at all? No
Would you change anything about yourself now? I'd like to get back to my pre-baby weight

2007 Wrap Up...
Was 2007 a good year? yes. I've loved being a Mum of two, and adored being at home.
Did 2007 bring any new insights? The importance of family
Do you think 2008 will top 2007? not sure. I hope so
Do you have any goals for 2008? To get thinner and healthier. To achieve a decent work/life balance
If you could go back and change any moment which would you choose from 2007? I would have spent more time with Pam the last time I saw her, at a friend's wedding in August

Insomnia

2008-01-04T06:51:00.000+01:00

All this week I have expected not to be able to sleep. Noise on New Year's Eve. Anxiety for Ted's first day at nursery. Anxiety for my first day back at work. But I have actually slept. Even when I had to get up with T in the night the other day, I still managed to get back to sleep straight away. But, he woke up at 3.30am and took a while to settle - I think because of the new nursery thing, he's just a bit off kilter - it should soon get back on track. But I could not get back to sleep, and have eventually given up trying, so I'm up at 5.30am, doing laundry and trying to catch up on The Sopranos, I have about ten episodes v+. It's Pam's funeral today and I could really do with not being up. I wasn't sleeping well anyway, restless and complex dreams.

I can't do staying in bed in the night whilst I'm awake, it's the only real time in my life that I can get myself really stressed about stuff that doesn't usually bother me - mostly stuff about work, even when I was off I worried about work...

Baby snogs

2008-01-03T20:06:00.000+01:00

There is nothing in this world that is more gorgeous than your baby reaching for you and grabbing you and snogging you for about five minutes when you have been separated from him all day. It's almost worth being separated from him. But not quite.

He's doing brilliantly at nursery and I am really proud of him.

I went back to work today, which was wierd but ok. I had forgotten just how ridiculously tiring it is - you are on your feet all day literally, and have to be on your toes figuratively. Kids were good, I fell back to it quite quickly.

Just Pam's funeral to get through tomorrow.

I watched Mary Poppins yesterday

2008-01-02T15:31:00.000+01:00

...and it struck me how much easier it was to be a parent in 1918, at least for the Banks'.

Mrs Banks can prioritise her Suffragette activities without wondering who is taking Jane to Rainbows or Michael to swimming. And on Mary Poppins' day off, she simply palms the children off on a passing chimney sweep, who, I suspect, may not even be a REAL cockney!

Ted is in nursery and I am beside myself. I arranged for him to start today as I thought I would be in school today and I'm not. So, I decided to still put him in so that I wasn't working on his first day, which is probably better for him, but not for me. I've been at a colleague's this morning working, but now I am home, and despite Alfie and Mike being here I cannot settle, it is the longest day in the world. I've spoken to them twice and he is okay. I am counting down the minutes until I can legitimately fetch him - I want him to have his tea there so he's had the experience of both meals - so it will be about 4pm which is earlier than he will be picked up usually. Why am I finding it so hard to do this this time, when I have already done it once?? Would a Mary Poppins be better?? I've always thought that leaving one person in charge of your child is risky because no one is supervising that person, also, the child becoming more attached to them than they are to you... shudder. But I'm not sure now.

Oh well, that's ten minutes killed

Happy new Year!!!

2008-01-01T10:55:00.000+01:00

I've just spent a few minutes reading over last years blogs- didn't actually take very long as I barely blogged, my excuse being that I was pregnant and had a little baby. What it did show me was that it is good to blog - even the little that I had written took me back to times I had thought I had forgotten.

So 2008 -- well, it was seen in in a very low key way here - M hates New Year, so we watched The Queen (absolutely fab film) on v+, M made some lamb and pistachio kebabs from Jamie at Home and we had some wine. I rang my Mum and kissed the boys at midnight and that was that - except I popped up the road at 9.30 for a glass of red with Colette. We have had a low key Christmas too, at our friends on Christmas Eve, my Mum's on Christmas Day and Boxing Day, where I had D and V on Christmas Night and spent Boxing Day feeling mainly wretched. We went to the in-laws on the 27th (highlight - taking Alfie through the Mersey Tunnel) and had Colette and John and the kids round on the 28th. The weekend was quiet although we had a bimble out to Dunham Massey and lunch. I went to the Sales on Saturday and got some great bargains. Alfie and I went to soft play yesterday morning with his friend, and I had a coffee and a chat with his mum. I took Ted into Sale yesterday afternoon to do some shopping and met up with my friend Tony for a coffee. Actually, when you write it down, it's been quite busy.

Today, I think we're going into Manchester to see what's going on, and then tomorrow Ted starts at nursery. *gulp* and Thursday I go back to work. And Friday is my friend Pam's funeral.

************************************************************************************
I want to pay a quick tribute to Pam. She was my friend from work, a Teaching Assistant. She has had cancer as long as I've known her, but got worse in the last four months. She died on the Thursday before Christmas. Pam was funny, irreverent, caring and kind. I am going to miss her lots. She was the first one at the bar and the last one to let her illness get her down. God Bless You Pam G, you touched lots of lives and will be missed
************************************************************************************

New Years' Resolutions

To get back to work and make it work - to make sure I spend time with both boys, and to keep my work/life balance in perspective
To get back to my pre-baby weight. This means to get back to my pre-baby eating patterns. Goddammit there are clothes hanging uselessly in the wardrobe!!!!
I am giving up alcohol for January. If/when I recommence in February I need to change the pattern - less wine, more shorter drinks with mixers
I am not going to buy any more cheesy celeb magazines - they are rubbish, and I could spend the money on other things.
In fact I am going to try not to buy anything in January - no clothes/make up etc. Just essentials - food, deodorant etc. I want to keep a record of my spending and see where it all goes!
To find some kid of exercise that suits me and do it. I'm a real couch potato, and I only really like swimming, dancing and walking. The gym bores me and I don't like any participation sport.
Cut back on my laptop use - 1 hour a day
Obviously to be the best mother/wife/daughter/friend/sister I can be

------and to update my blog a LOT more!

Happy New Year readers, if you have a blog I will promise to comment more!

Here are some lovely photos

2007-12-22T22:05:00.000+01:00

How cute are my boys???

And after two months silence a ...meme!!!

2007-11-27T13:34:00.000+01:00

Stolen from Dix - me likey!

Here Are Five Things

I've always wanted to do:
1. Learn the piano
2. Sing backing vocals in a proper concert
3. Go to a hot air balloon festival
4. Go to New York
5. Ballroom dance

Found in my bag:
1. Purse
2. Phone
3. Lipstick
4. iPod
5. Words for the Christmas Play for Reception

Found in my wallet:
1. £18 and some change
2. Loyalty card from Beauty salon
3. Note from my Gp congratulating me on Ted's birth
4. Photo of Alfie
5. Details of my friend's anme, address, numbers etc

I'm currently into:
1. The Sopranos
2. Painting canvases with children's name and DOB and a funny animal
3. Anything by Benefit
4. Amy Winehouse
5. Hot chocolate

A two month hiatus

2007-11-26T11:18:00.000+01:00

Due to computer problems. I feel funny about writing my blog using Mike's computer, so I haven't written at all. So, in case I have any readers left at all, here are some bullet points to update you on the last two months

I am now 36 years old. Why do I not feel like a grown up?
Ted is now six months old. How did that happen?
He is on three meals a day. We made it to 17 weeks without food, but he was hungry
We are only breastfeeding in the morning now
I am still looking for my waist - why is it not back yet?
I return to work in just over a month
I am going back four days a week, with a Friday off
This is good, but negotiating this nearly gave me a heart attack
Alfie is marvellous
He got a great report at Parents' evening
Mike and I are working on our relationship like walking through treacle
This is compounded by my hormones
Which are also causing my hair to come out at a rate of knots and my nails to break
I have become obsessed with The Sopranos, about six years after everyone else. Could Tony Soprano BE a more complex character?
Alfie and I are also obsessed with Strictly Come Dancing. We supported John Barnes, but now he is out we are all about Matt and Flavia
V+, the Virgin Media version of Sky Plus is feeding these habits - we love it!
I am getting there with Christmas Shopping
Mike is 40 in three weeks and is impossible to buy for
I have something up my sleeve though
I am still really enjoying being off and heartbroken about returning to work
We are just going to see how return to work goes

Is that it? For two months????

Sick as a man?

2007-09-19T10:12:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I discovered that there is only one thing worse than being a bit unwell and stuck in the house with a little baby. When your husband is also ill and has to take to his bed. Because you want to kill him. I wish I was one of those earth mother types who felt the need to take care of him (I did check up on him a couple of times, but three times he was asleep. The other time I got him a hot chocolate and a ribena). Why are men always SO much more ill than women? I couldn't take to bed, I had a baby to feed and take care of, not to mention the school run. Anyway, I starved (apart from dry toast and a baked potato) and went to bed at 9pm and feel much better. And M has gone to work today so he is feeling better too.

Went away for the night on Saturday for my friend's 40th to a cottage in Settle. It was nice, but I forgot the pump part of the breast pump so had started with mastitis on Sunday morning - dizzy and detached - and had to (carefully) drive home. Typical to make sure everything is organised and sorted and then forget something so intrinsic. Drank too much wine, so having a dry week this week, nothing until Friday.

Ted is still a complete joy, so happy and cheerful, really makes my day. A is also a sweetheart, we had his school birthday party on Friday, six little boys at a soft play centre, which was really nice. I am so lucky with my darling boys, and I am very content (apart from yesterday)

Food for thought

2007-09-10T10:00:00.000+01:00

Well, my (bigger) baby has gone back to school, and things are a bit calmer chez moi. I really do miss him though, although towards the end I was looking forward to him going back! He seems happy at school, and glad to be back in the routine.

My smaller baby (!) is as cute as a button, it's amazing how the changes start to take place. He's grabbing at toys that are dangling down, he's lifting his head and shoulders up from his chair, standing up on me if I hold his fingers. He loves "Round and Round the Garden" and "This Little Piggy" and he loves to be bounced up and down on my knee. I think in a couple of weeks I'll ge the baby bouncer down and give him a go in it. It seems amazing that when A was his age, I began to wean him, there's just no feeling that I need to do that at the moment. He's happy enough on his boobyjuice, although in October I might start him on one bottle a day, and then I think I'll wean him at the beginning of November. If it happens before then, fair enough.

I'd quite like my body back now. It wasn't much to start off with, but it is starting to get me down now that I am hanging on to quite a big of baby weight and my boobs are better than they were but still ridiculous. I'm trying to eat healthily and doing ok, but I'm sure that feeding isn't helping me. Neither is my mother, who tried to feed me FOUR bacon rolls for my lunch yesterday, which really upset me. She would never, ever, ever in a million years give my sister four bacon rolls (petite, blonde size 10, horrendous relationship with food IMHO, which she is in danger of passing on to my niece, who unfortunately for my sister and her hang ups, is built like me) and i got quite cross and gave her two of them back, she took umbrage. They weren't huge, they were rolls about the size of a small orange, but even so. The trouble is, I would have eaten them, I know I would, so they needed not to be there. I don't have an unhealthily relationship with food any more, it doesn't control me, and I don't feel the need to binge/berate myself/obsess. I do however feel a need to get back in my pre-pregnancy trousers. I will never be a size 12, but I could do with being a 16 again. Four bacon rolls will not help this, and it makes me wonder, why am I so much bigger than my sister? I think that my family has a propensity to being bigger, both my parents are fairly chunky, as are thier brothers and sisters. I think it's two things, my sister is amazingly controlling about food (she has a list of dislikes and aversions as long as your arm, which I think is her way of controlling her appetite) and I think because she was a picky eater as a child I made up for her by eating well, and was fed by my mother to make up for her not eating. And I am greedy, heh. I noticed my mum encouraging A and his cousin to eat (they are both good with food, although my niece has a more limited diet. Wonder where that comes from??) even as thier mouths were full, "Eat up". I had to say "Mum, he's got his mouth full, give him a chance!"

It's so important what we do with our kids, because what we do now sticks with them, and there are enough outside influences on them without the people who love them most joining in. I don't want my niece spending the best part of her teens and twenties loathing herself and sporadically bingeing and purging like I did. It's how I handle that if I think it's coming, because there's one thing that it's impossible to do well - criticise how someone is rearing thier child.

blows dust off blog

2007-08-28T10:20:00.000+01:00

OMG was it really July 10th since I blogged?? How dreadful!

So, well, what's been going on? Ted is now twelve and a half weeks old, he's been sleeping through the night since he was about eight weeks, and has fairly regular naps through the day (a long one in either the morning or after lunch and a shorter one, both in his cot if we are at home, and then one other either in his pram or cuddled up with someone, usually me!) he is absolutely gorgeous, so smiley and gurgly, an absolute delight to be with! He isn't such a big bruiser now, he is putting on weight and growing in length, but having bumped into someone who was in hospital with me yesterday whose baby is now 18lb he seems very dainty! I think he's about 15lbs now, he was 14lbs three weeks ago. I'm not concerned, he's sleeping through, lots of wet and dirty nappies and as happy as Larry. He's more long than chunky, and he is completely breastfed (this other baby is formula fed, and they can gain weight more quickly). Do you think I've convinced myself yet? LOL

We are almost at the end of A's summer holidays, and it's been good and bad. There have been moments when I have wanted to hand him over to the nearest children's home (not really, but you know what I mean) and moments of pure joy. We've been camping and to Devon, both great holidays. I've also locked the children's channels on the TV as I think he's watching the wrong kind of TV, I've kept CBeebies and CBBC (I'm so middle class!) but got rid of the rest, that's defintiely had a good effect, he's still watching TV (in fact we're having a PJ day today) but it's DVDs, which is much better (currently retro Wacky Races!) We've also got him a swing, and have been spending lots of time in the park.

Mike and I are working hard on our relationship at the moment too. When I got pregnant things weren't great and my pregnancy and Mik'e new job papered a lot of cracks. then once Ted was born, there was a whole hormonal babymooning period for me, and it's only in the last few weeks that the rose coloured haze has cleared a little bit and some of the old issues have raised thier heads. We're great at being a family, we're best friends and fantastic companions, he's a wonderful Dad, but we aren't very good at being a couple so much. so we've been working on that, trying to be straight with each other and making a bit more of an effort, and lately (just in the last few days it seems better. It's not helped by my not feeling myself, although I am getting sleep, I am physically tired as breastfeeding really takes it out of me, and the hormones it produces are not great ones for me. My upper back is painful and my body aches a lot. I have some surges of bad temper and rage that I (mostly) supress which adds to the tension in my upper back, neck and shoulders. I need some Zoe time as well, and I need to work on that. I'm also terrified of going back to work, leaving Ted, and not being able to cope. I know it will be okay, and also that it is ages away, but it still scares me.

I hear stirrings on the listener, back later

Update

2007-07-10T09:17:00.000+01:00

Long time no blog - well, I have been a bit busy! Ted is five weeks and four days old today, and quite frankly, is a pleasure and a treasure. Because he is a big boy, he is sleeping really well, typically going down at 8.00-8.30 and then going through until 3am-ish, then till morning, usually when I wake him to do the school run. There was one blissful night of 8.30-6.30, with a follow on kip until 9am, needless to say, Mummy was the one getting up with A at 7.15 though. How did that happen??? He's feeding really well too, and really quickly, which is great, except it means that I don't get as much legitimate sitting around on my ass as I did with Alfie, feeding. He's pretty good at daytime sleep in the pram/on me, I am trying to encourage more in the cot (where he is now) , with mixed results. TBH we're not in all that much for sleeps in the cot, we're out and about a lot, which is good for my brain but not my body. I'm feeling quite tired, which is of course understandable, but also a bit crap considering how lucky I am in the overnight sleep department. I know that there will be other Mummy bloggers throwing things at the screen at the thought of me being tired, but I am. I'm also concerned about my continuing ability to throw copious amounts of crap food down my neck - I'm hungry a lot and for rubbish, I am trying to amend the rubbish, but worryingly, don't really feel better until I have eaten some kind of refined sugar; I may have created an anddiction. My meals are good and balanced, thanks to my meal planner initiated before the baby arrived, it's the snacking in between that doesn't help. I really am trying to make it better, and I am doing lots of walking with the pram, but generally there's some serious belly and ass fat over here, not to mention the attractive sight of my huge breasts not very well supported in my nursing bra.

nursing bras are crap - why? Surely they could be made from more supportive material, I understand they can't have underwires, but that 1950's stiff stuff surely? There's nothing worse for your self esteem than floppy boobs resting on a post partum jelly belly, resting on a C-section overhang. Yummy Mummy - not.

Update and photos (or at least a link!)

2007-06-18T09:30:00.000+01:00

All is going swimmingly, and I have to say that Ted is one of the easiest babies I have ever come across (looks around wildly for wood to liberally stroke!) - I'm fully aware that these things change, and I am prepared for that, just enjoying this at the moment. M has gone back to work today, and the HV is coming at 10am, she is the same one as last time, and my opinion then was that she was a "chocolate teapot" so we'll see how I feel after today. I'm going to venture out to buy milk, and then collect A from school and that will be it for today. I've kept clear of school for a bit as I don't even want to think about work - it's inevitable that I will when I'm there because it isn't just A's school it's my workplace. Every day M comes home with cards and presents from people on the playground - they are so kind and generous! Ted has clothes to keep him going forever I think!

A has really settled into life as a four now, it's been easier since he went back to school and is in a routine, and we had a lively weekend, with visitors on Sat afternoon, tea at a friends on Saturday night (hurrah for red wine for me!!!) and then the local fete and a neighbours 60th birthday party yesterday, so it's been godo fun and not too much telly watching. Mum's coming next weekend, and I am slowly getting our social life back on an even keel after it being on hold for a while due to not knowing what date Ted would arrive.

I'm in that awful place where my pre-pg clothes are still a bit tight, and my mat clothes are on the whole too big. i know it's swelling and wide pelvis as my weight is pretty ok, only about 10lbs over my pre-pg weight and they should fit, but it's a bit frustrating. All my summer skirts fit, but the weather's a bit cold for them, and I need some new summer t-shirts, especially as my boobs are (even!) bigger than they were and feeding bras aren't the best bras in the world to wear - they're a bit saggy.

I'm supposed to be going to the school ball on Saturday, so one of this week's jobs is to get Ted to take a bottle of expressed breast milk, a job for Daddy methinks!

Link to photos, as I have no success when I try to do anything fancy on this blog!

Here

Woo-hoo!

2007-06-07T13:54:00.000+01:00

9.45pm-1am; 1.50-5am; 5.20-7.20! Result! I feel like I'm a different person, sleep is such a great thing! Feeding more must have helped, I fed him for almost the whole of The Apprentice (ha! Katie, I knew you were a charlatan - well done Sralan!)

In these shoes...I doubt you'd survive

2007-06-06T16:09:00.000+01:00

Been home for two days and things are going fairly smoothly. Ted is feeding really well, which feels like a great achievement to me as I found feeding very hard with A, and struggled on for four months using shields and expressing, and the occasional formula feed. It was a relief when it was all over, but so far, thanks to preparation and great support at the hospital, and a breast feeding midwife friend on stand by at home, I actually seem to be able to do it this time. Night times haven't been fabulous, but bearable. Ted had terrible wind on Monday night, and my milk came in at the same time so we were a bit miserable, and basically I was up from 12midnight until 5.30am with him, trying to get him to feed, expressing and trying to wind him, ably aided by M from 4.30am. Eventually M took him off downstairs at 6am and I slept till 10. Last night was better - up 12midnight till 4.30am, mainly because all he wanted to do was feed, catching up from the night before. Tiring, but less stressful, as there wasn't much crying, just demanding to feed. Again, once he was off I got another block of sleep until ds came in at 7.15am. I have sent M to the spare room for now, as A is on half term and one of us needs to be compis mentis in the day, although my lovely Dad has taken him out for lovely treats today, so it's been peaceful.

I've increased Ted's daytime feeds now my milk has come on, and am making him feed every three hours, in an attempt to get longer stretches at night, does that sound right? Ted is mainly sleeping in between feeds in the day, which also sounds about right I hope? Midwife said that she didn't see why not. Anyway, if I have another wakeful night tonight, I'll try and keep him awake a bit more in the day tomorrow. It's all trial and error isn't it? He's so scrumptious I'm finding I'm not too fussed about the broken nights, although I am tired today.

In terms of recovery I am feeling pretty ok. My tummy is feeling good, I am sure that the arnica I started taking last week has really helped a lot. I'm on paracetamol and Diclofenac together for pain relief, and had the stitches out this morning, which has really helped, as they were beginning to catch a bit. Bleeding has much reduced, I think as they were quite quiet on the Delivery Unit, they cleared a lot of the cack out when they did the section.

In other exciting news, I had a pair of wedges delivered from La Redoute today, and was so excited that my puffy feet have reduced enough for me to try them on that I have been wearing them all day long - not sure on the exact heel, but 3-4 inches: I'm back baby!!!!!

Friday's Child

2007-06-04T21:13:00.000+01:00

We arrived at the hospital at 7.50am on Friday 1st June. I had had a C-Section previously as an emergency in 2001, but had very much wanted a VBAC. The hospital had agreed, but were keen for me not to go too far over. At nine days late, I went in for my elective C-Section - even at this stage, the hospital had been okay for me to go further if I wanted to, but by Friday I was happier to get it over with, as a fear of history repeating itself from the first birth - 12 days late, 3 inductions, 2 day labour, emergency C-section - was looming. The midwife who met us was absolutely lovely, and explained that we were the only people on the Delivery suite (this of a big, teaching hospital, how bizarre!) so could get on straight away. This had the effect of bringing all my pent up emotions to the forefront, and when she went to get the paperwork, I started to sob all over poor M. Midwife was fabulous when she came back in and really reassuring.

We went through all the paperwork, and the anaesthetist came to talk about the contraindications (major advantage of the emergency was no time for all of that). Then it was time to get changed and go down to the Theatre. It is an especially surreal feeling walking down to have a baby.

Then we had to wait for various personnel to arrive, but we chatted to the two midwives (ours and the Scrub midwife) who were lovely. Once we got into theatre we met some other participants - the Anaesthetics assistant in particular was fab - and because it was quiet, there were some bigwigs around: the anaesthetic consultant did some on the job training/support with the Reg (I have to say the anaesthetic consultant was gawjus!) and the on-call obstetric consultant had a nosy as well. The Obs Reg was the doctor we had seen at our last antenatal and was really nice. So all in all it was a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, especially when they put my favourite radio station Xfm on.

The spinal took 42 minutes to put in, and it was a really stressful time. I pointed out to the Anaesthtist that the "too posh to push" brigade could do with being in the roon at that point to see that CS isn't an "easy" option. I am bruised to b*******y on my back, and of course the whole 42 minutes thought of all the things that could go wrong. Anyway eventually it was in - what an odd feeling! I had had a topped up epidural for my previous section, and there was a marked difference - my legs were heavy, tingly and then: lifeless. The screens went up, and dh and I held hands very tight and the anaesthetist and assistant distracted us by chatting. I could feel stuff happenening and there was a particularly gruesome bit where they were really shoving the top of my bump down, which was uncomfortable rather than painful. And then - the baby was out!

A was a biggie 9lb 11oz, but all the way through, the midwives and doctors had told us that this one wasn't going to be as big, that was one of the reasons the VBAC had been a go-er. So when the midwife said "It's a biggun!", we both said "oh, but not as big as our other child"...until she brought him (for it is HE) around the screen, and he was HUGE. We both went "Bloodyhell!" When she popped him onto the scales he was 10lbs and 7oz! He is 57cm long and has a 38.5 cm head circumference. M cut the cord, and supervised the clean up etc, and then the lovley midwife brought him over to me and we had skin to skin and lovely cuddles whilst the surgeons did thier jobs.

When it was all over, we went to recovery, and the midwife set me up like the Queen of Sheba, with pillows and supports and towels and blankets for our first feed. The feeding has been a worry for me as I had to use shields with A as my nipples were inverted and flat. This time, however, we tok to it really well, and it was a lovely time for the three of us and the midwife in recovery, and then M popped to call our parents.

We were up on the ward by about 12. M stayed with me all afternoon and my Mum brought A to see his new brother at 3. I have to say, it was a lovely positive experience, given that it was so different from what I had hoped, and DS2 is yummy, really scrumptious - I'm quite in love!

We've called him Ted Patrick Fergus, and it suits him very well. He's still feeding well(no shields! It's amazing what a bit of second time around confidence will do for you!) and so far (x) sleeping well. M, A and I love him to bits! I had a very nice postnatal experience, with lovely midwives who really promoted breastfeeding and supported all the women on the ward. The women I shared with were great, and we've exchanged numbers, so hoping for a couple of new mummy get together opportunities. I feel very well post operatively (arnica, I swear) and we came home today. Ted's already been out for a quick trip to Boots and for a coffee.

We seem to be doing ok at home - it's early days, but we're more relaxed than we were 6 years ago. He's lovely, and I'm so, so glad that we have had him.

There's a light at the end of the tunnel

2007-05-29T14:34:00.000+01:00

I am booked for an elective C-section on Friday am, so I will be having a June baby Of course, nature might take its course before then, but there aren't any signs of that happening, so... I feel okay about the decision. Really, it's that, or wait until next Wednesday and have the only form of induction they are prepared to offer someone who's had a previous C-section, which is to see if they can break the waters. Even then, they'll only give you so long to deliver, and want to see "serious" progression (ie, 1hr=1cm). All of that considered, they did not pressure us in any way, and it was very much our decision. Much as I want to continue my aspiring lentil-weavering, I have the experience of last time affecting my perception, and I really think I could not bear to go through all that again for the same conclusion as I can have relatively straightforwardly, and nearly a week earlier. I don't regret my decision to wait until now (I will be 41+2 on Friday by my dates) because I think it means I've given my baby every chance to be as strong as possible, and also to come of its own accord. I think I may have to accept that I am good at growing big healthy babies (this one is apparantley "not small", but not as big as 10lb ds), but not really built for delivering them. It's quite hard as a woman to reconcile myself to that, because it feels like an unfullfilled biological destiny (and I know that it doens't matter etc, and I would be the first person telling someone else that)but once I've got ds2/dd in my arms it will cease to be of any importance.

Sorry if you've just ploughed through all that, I just thought I would save myself £50 with a therapist!

Hopefully, the last pre-baby shuffle

2007-05-25T14:04:00.000+01:00

So, now I am two days over by my dates, although due today by the hospital's dates. If we've had no action by Tuesday I have to go in and arrange a section, which I hope will be Wednesday or Thursday. I'll be glad, to be honest, I'm more or less resigned to it now, and I'm really ready for the baby to be here so that we can get on with being a bigger family! I feel a bit poignant for the "old" life, but I'm so looking forward to the "new" life. I have so many niggly worries, primary in my mind is Is It Possible To Love Two Children Equally? - I understand that this is a common one! Also, of course, Is The Baby Going To Be Ok? With added Am I Going To Be Ok? which is a new one, wasn't too concerned about me last time, but now I am already a Mummy, that's a kind of knock on concern about A. I don't think I own the "nesting" gene sadly, but then I am generally a quite clean and fairly tidy person, so there's nothing huge that needs doing. I'm going to have a curry and some pineapple tonight, I mooted the idea of a bit of how'syerfather the other day but it wasn't received with any great enthusiasm... Can't say I blame him, it feels a bit like it would be a complex job!

1. Sail Away - Kirsty McColl
2. When Love Comes To Town - U2 with BB King
3. First of the Gang To Die - Morrissey
4. Half a Person - The Smiths
5. Yes - McAlmont and Butler (when I am on Pop/American Idol, I will sing this in my opening show. Just in case I don't get through to sing it in the final)
6. Sing it Back - Moloko
7. Clocks - Coldplay and Buena Vista Social Club
8. Mathematics - Cherry Ghost
9. Reach Out - Take That
10. She's Electric - Oasis

meme

2007-05-22T14:21:00.000+01:00

So, of course, if you're one day off your due date, and needing stuff to do, you book lunches, shopping, a hair cut and colour... oh, and do a book meme of course! (Pinched from Dix, who stole blatently from Katya)

A book that made you cry: Jude the Obscure - I stayed in bed for two days after I finished my A levels to read it. I vividly remember turning the page, gasping and bursting into tears. No wonder my Mum confiscated it until after my A levels were over.

A book that scared you: I don't really like to be scared, so I wouldn't intentionally read a horror book. However, in one of the Harry Potter books (it's either 3 or 4) the Dementors first appear. I was reading it down in my cellar living room, and was too scared to come to bed after reading about them.

A book that made you laugh:

A book that disgusted you: Pandora by Jilly Cooper. I'm disgusted thgat anyone could even pay good money to her to write it, or that anyone would pay good money to buy it

A book you loved in elementary school: Elementary school is primary school right? 4-11? Anyway, I loved Ballet Shoes by Noel Streatfield, the story of the three Fossil sisters, Pauline, Petrova and Posy, growing up in pre-war London. In fact anything by Noel Streatfield - The Painted Garden is also ace. And the Malory Towers and St Clare's books too.

A book you loved in junior high: So that's lower secondary school, yes? That must have been when I read Judy Blume. But my secret fave was Coleen McCullough's The Thorn Birds. Especially page 348

A book you loved in high school: And this is upper secondary - so about 15-18? I really liked Persuasion by Jane Austen because I studied it at A level, and when you "do" a book so deeply, you either love or hate it. I loved this one, even though I think generally it's considered to be a pretty tedious Austen.

A book you hated in high school: Nothing really I don't think. If I didn't like it, I didn't read it, and I'm pretty much the same now. The number of "classics" I've abandoned - Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Birdsong...

A book you loved in college: I read Literature at University, and I don't remember reading much for pleasure, although I must have done. But, I did enjoy a lot of the stuff I read for the course - Goblin Market by Christina Rossetti springs to mind.

A book that challenged your identity: Made me ask questions about who I am? Fat Is A Feminist Issue. Given to me at 17, still something I would dip into even now

A series that you love: I adore Adriana Trigiani's Big Stone Gap books. Or Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House series

Your favorite horror book: None. See above

Your favorite science fiction book: The Hand Maid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

Your favorite fantasy book: Again, not that keen on fantasy.

Your favorite mystery book: Whodunnit? Probably Sleeping Murder by Agatha Christie. Love me an Agatha Christie

Your favorite graphic novel: Best described, is that what this means?

Your favorite biography: I'm not that interested in most people's lives, but I did enjoy John Peel's Margrave of the Marsh

Your favorite "coming-of-age" book: Marjorie Morningstar

Your favorite classic: I've mentioned a few already. Love Hardy, Austen, a Bronte or two.

Your favorite romance book: Pride and Prejudice - does that count?

Favorite kids book: Oooooh, absolutely loads - We're going on a Bear Hunt, One Duck Stuck, Dig, Dig, Digging, anything by Roald Dahl...

Favorite cookbook: It has to be The complete Delia Smith, given to me by my Mum when I left home, and much used and well thumbed

Your favorite book not on this list: Terri McMillan's Waiting to Exhale

Baby update

2007-05-01T10:45:00.000+01:00

Been to the hospital this morning and had a check over, the baby is still "average" size and - get this - 2/5 engaged! Huzzah! So, as my BP and urine are ok, they are letting me go for the VBAC. Once I get to my due date then the party's over, as I have an appointment on the 29th May to arrange a section, which should be sometime that week, i.e., last possible date: 1st June. I'm happy with that as it means that I have an "end" to it all. I really want a May baby though, so if it gets to that stage, then I will be putting my foot down for a 30th/31st section not a 1st June. Need to be seen by the midwife each week as well between now and then.

Feeling pretty good apart from rather pressing sensation between legs (good to know taht that's because of head engagement) and pretty well rested.

Interviewed by Poppy

2007-04-25T14:26:00.000+01:00

Poppy has asked me some questions. As I am bored and on maternity leave, I am agog to answer!

1. What made you decide to not learn the sex of your new baby in advance?
I always think that it's a bit like knowing your Christmas presents in advance. I also feel that it makes the whole nine month wait a bit more exciting, and gives other people (as well as yourself) opportunity to speculate ("well, you're carrying it at the front, seems like a boy to me"/"ooooh heartburn, that means a girl" etc) Having said that, if M had desperately wanted to know, then I'd've gone with it - but we probably wouldn't have told anyone else. It gives me much more shopping opportunities after birth - having exhausted the neutral stuff I can have some pink/blue quality time with my Visa card.

2. If I came to visit you, where's the first place you'd take me, and why?
I think I would take you to my favourite restaurant for a meal, as you are such a foodie, and we can have fabulous cocktails there - I think drink would have to be taken. Hopefully there would be a really good gig on that night that I would have miraculously have managed to get us two tickets to and then we could go to the gig, sing and dance, and generally have a great time.

3. How is having a baby now different than the last time you were pregnant, six years ago?
Well, I'm six years older, for a start. It's not been the main focus of my life like last time; I've got someone else to think about already, and worry about. I've not had the same paranoia about everything, you know, the twinges and everything, but worries about other things - how will A be, can I manage two, etc. I'm more aware of my choices and thoughts and opinions on childbirth. I have better and cuter maternity clothes. There are more friends who have kids now, so I feel like I can talk about it more without being the complete bore.

4. I miss your bouffant. Will you ever bring it back?
I think the bouffant is long gone. I's extremely high maintenance to have a bee hive hairdo and kids. Not to mention appalling for the condition of your hair. Only the name remains. And the attitude. Bouffants require attitude.

5. If you come to visit me, where's the first place you'd want me to take you?
Definitely the coffeehouse, then I'd like to go to Target and Trader Joe's.

Thanks Poppy.

Anyone want a questionnaire, let me know

Update

2007-04-23T17:56:00.000+01:00

I've had my first day of doing more or less nothing today. I had a little wander around my local shops at lunchtime, but apart from that, not much else. I'm glad that most of my maternity leave days so far and planned for the rest of the week have a bit more structure! I'm sure I'l be desperate for a bit of "nothing" in a few weeks, so might as well take advantage of it now!

I saw the consultant last week and everything is fine with the baby - it's actually an average size, so they are letting me go for a natural delivery; unless I go past my EDD, in which case it will be an elective section. This suits me down to the ground, as I don't want another induction etc. I find it hard to believe that the baby will really be here so soon. I'm more or less ready, although there are some domestic jobs I want to do like defrosting the freezer etc, and stocking up on some home cooked meals. I've begun the Raspberry leaf today, and when I get to 38-9 weeks, think about arnica.

It's wierd dropping A off at school and collecting him everyday. I like it, but it's odd seeing the children in my class going in with the new teacher, and being on the other side of the classroom door. People have been very nice, which is mainly because I haven't kept myself separate from other parents, and have always had good relationships with the VAST majority. It's just odd. There can't be many people who go on Mat Leave and yet visit their place of work every day.

I'm definitely getting to the uncomfortable bit - I feel like the baby might pop out any minute, the pressure is so great "down below".

Monday morning

2007-04-09T08:08:00.000+01:00

I met my midwife from A's birth yesterday in the park (she is local and a parent from school, and a breastfeeding expert, so we are hiring her to help me get feeding etc established as it isn't easy for me due to my mahoooooooosive norks, she was brill last time) and she immediately asked me if I was breech - my bump is huge at the top and tapers away at the bottom, she said the only other thing would be if I had an anterior placenta (is that the right word - at the front??) but that I wouldn't feel kicks then, which I do. I will ask mw at Wednesday appointment what she thinks. A woman at swimming ages ago told me that to move her ds from breech she had to climb the stairs on her hands and knees sideways, so that might be worth trying.

After being more or less set on names all the way through the pregnancy, M, A and I have spent the last three days in the park debating names for the baby - we are set on our boy's name, but have no middle names, and he needs 2, as ds has 2, and I am a believer in all being as equal as possible. We have middle names for our girl, but I have had a big wobble on the first name, so now we have a short list of 6, and if she is a girl, we will have to see what she looks like. It all stems from me choosing a beautiful name for ds, and then Eastenders bringing in a character of the same name a few months later, resulting in huge popularity for a name that I thought was lovely and original until then. My own first name is quite unusual, although more popular than it was when I was born, without being wierd or made up, and I wanted similar for my children. Plus, in teaching, you can often think of a reason NOT to call a child a name, rather than a reason TO call it them, IYSWIM.

I had a mini nest yesterday, pulled everything out of my wardrobes, had a bag for the bin, a bag for the charity shop and an ebay bag, and chucked a load of stuff out - I am a real hoarder, especially for shoes, there were shoes that are about 10 years old in there, and tatty boots that are at the end of thier life. All is sorted out now, and I am proud of the organised racks of stuff. Of course, a lot of it not wearable at the moment, but hopefully by summer and then next winter...

Nothing much planned for today except have warned dh and ds we are cleaning the house today, it's been a quiet weekend really, but quite nice really. M back to work tomorrow, so A and I will have to make our own entertainment, quite a bit planned, and then next week - a bit of time for me!!

I am trying to upload a new photo of A onto the blog, it's absolutely gorgeous, but I'm having some technical trouble. Might be back later...

Maternity Leave! Yay!!!!

2007-04-05T10:05:00.000+01:00

Good morning and hurrah! for the end of work for me! I finished yesterday for the lovely Easter holidays, and on the 17th April when everyone goes back, I will be starting my maternity leave! Yay! Had a lovely lot of gorgeous presents - every child and their parents have spoilt me rotten - I had John Lewis vouchers, House of Fraser vouchers, a Clarins Mum to be box, a Clarins facial and makeover, loads of pregnancy smellies and lovely things for me for after the birth, teddies for the baby, chocolates, books, flowers, slippers, tea, and the most beautiful changing bag from my teaching assistant which is from Johnny LouLous, but looks exactly like an Orla Keily bag to me, and I would be delighted to carry as a handbag. I was really really chuffed, and everyone has been so nice. We had a leaving do at a lovely restaurant last night, and I stayed till midnight! DH let me have a nice lie in till 8.45, and I am now chilling in my pjs whilst ds watches telly in his (it's the first day of the holidays, so I'm letting him have a treat!)

I'm hoping to spend a bit more time nuturing this poor baby who has had much less attention than ds did when I was pregnant, so when ds goes back to school, I intend to really rest and look after the two of us. I think I am back to head down now, although I didn't know that there is a hands and feet by head type of breech, so the higher up kicks aren't necessarily a good indication. Also vaguely concerned that lost of people are commenting on me having a rather compact bump. With ds I was huge (but then so was he!) but I was a lot bigger to beging with (about 5 stone heavier). I also lost weight whilst pregnant as I have an endocrine imbalance that is redressed by pregnancy. So, I am telling myself that this is what is happening here again, and that I will give birth and lose all weight immediately, and all will be well. I have put on about 24 lbs so far, which seems within normal limits and all the movement etc is all fine. Perhaps I am simply carrying well, but combined with the nagging sense that I haven't really been looking after myself quite as well as I ought, it is making me a little worried. I have a mw appointment next week, so will ask then.

Still nesting nicely - managed to do some baby shopping at the weekend for things like nappies, wipes etc, and bought some lovely baskets from The Pier for the baby's room. We had a gorgeous weekend, a dinner party on Saturday night and then friends for Sunday lunch on Sunday, the weather has been lovely, and things seem to be going really well all round, which is so nice.

Spring cleaning

2007-03-18T09:06:00.000+01:00

Well, big day yesterday - we moved A into the (previously) spare bedroom to start to get his bedroom ready for the baby. The reason for this is mainly because A's room is next door to ours, and the other room is down three steps and along the corridor, which makes a difference at 3am...

Anyway, it was a HUGE job, much bigger than "swapping the beds over" - copyright me, 16th March 2007 . At one point, both A's bed and the spare room double were in bits on top of our bed, with clothes all over the top of them, and books and lamps all over the landing. At lease, as I pointed out to M, it meant that we did not have the excuse of giving it all up as a bad job, as no one would have been able to get to bed. So now A is in his new room, which he loves, his old room will remain a spare room for a little while longer (10 weeks till the baby's due and then another few until it goes into its own room) and we have had an opportunity for a bit of a clear out which is good. Next job - rearranging our bedroom so that the cot fits in - a lesson learned from when A was a baby is that a cot is a more solid base for a Moses basket than a Moses basket frame. So the basket will go inside the cot.

It did feel good to get it sorted out.

I have decided that I need a cleaner/ironing person. With M away so much working now, and me still working full time for the next few weeks, and being pregnant and then having a new baby to take care of, and a five year old, it feels like a sensible option. I have been getting a bit overwhelmed domestically, and too tired and pg to do too much about it in the week. I have more energy at the weekend, but I don't want to spend weekends doing chores. And by that, I mean the basic stuff - hoovering, mopping floors etc, never mind the bigger stuff. I also need to get back into the on line grocery order, as shopping is also getting to be a chore, although this will be easier when I am on Mat Leave. A friend has recommended a lady who does, so I'm goign to investigate that this week.

Only 2 1/2 weeks to go, but it feels like forever - there is so much to do before I finish, it's like a marathon.

Where have you been????

2007-03-09T20:04:00.000+01:00

I cannot believe that it is well over a month since I posted. I knew it was a while, but not that long! I also can't believe that it's a comeback with a meme, but I really like this one of Dix's, which she stole from Kara.

1. Go to Pop Culture Madness. Click on "pop music" on the left sidebar. Scroll down a bit and find the hits for the year you turned 18 years old.
2. Copy and paste the top 75 songs of that year.
3. Bold the ones you liked; strike the ones you disliked; and italicize the ones you knew but didn’t exactly like or dislike. The ones you don’t know will stay plain text.

However, these are US charts, so it's not necessarily a good representation for me.

1. Love Shack - B-52's
2. Funky Cold Medina - Tone Loc (strike)
3. Bust A Move - Young MC
4. Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
5. Like A Prayer - Madonna
6. Joy and Pain - Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock
7. All I Want Is You - U2
8. Patience - Guns N Roses
9. She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals
10. Kiss - Art of Noise featuring Tom Jones (strike)

11. Lay Your Hands On Me - Bon Jovi
12. Put A Little Love In Your Heart - Annie Lennox and Al Green
13. Angel of Harlem - U2
14. Get On Your Feet - Gloria Estefan
15. My Perogative - Bobby Brown (strike)
16. The Best - Tina Turner (strike)
17. Paradise City - Guns N Roses
18. Wild Thing - Tone Loc (strike- clearly don't like Tone Loc)
19. Every Little Step - Bobby Brown (strike)
20. I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi
21. Another Day In Paradise - Phil Collins
22. Love In An Elevator - Aerosmith (strike)
23. Keep On Movin' - Soul II Soul
24. Don't Know Much - Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville
25. Eternal Flame - the Bangles
26. Express Yourself - Madonna
27. Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson (strike - I HATE Michael Jackson, and I always have)
28. After All - Cher and Peter Cetera
29. Buffalo Stance - Nenah Cherry

30. Love Song - the Cure
31. So Alive - Love and Rockets
32. Back To Life - Soul II Soul
33. Listen To Her Heart - Roxette (strike - can't bear Roxette either)
34. Orinoco Flow (Sail Away) - Enya (I had sex for the first time to this song - Orinoco Flow means something different to me...)
35. I Feel The Earth Move - Martika (strike - I mean how DARE she??? This is Carole King's song!!!)
36. When I See You Smile - Bad English
37. Birthday Suit - Johnny Kemp
38. Heaven Help Me - Deon Estus and George Michael
39. The Look - Roxette (strike - see above)
40. Baby, Don't Forget My Number - Milli Vanilli (strike - I like my singers to actually sing)
41. Dr. Feelgood - Motley Crew
42. Heaven - Warrant
43. She Wants To Dance With Me - Rick Astley
44. Me, Myself and I - De la Soul
45. Walk The Dinosaur - Was (Not Was) (Strike - this is not a song)
46. Once Bitten Twice Shy - Great White
47. I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty
48. On Our Own - Bobby Brown
49. A Little Respect - Erasure
50. You Got It (The Right Stuff) - New Kids On The Block (strike - no!no!no!)
51. Me So Horny - 2 Live Crew
52. Soldier Of Love - Donny Osmond
53. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
54. Hey Ladies - Beastie Boys
55. The Living Years - Mike and the Mechanics
56. Stand - R.E.M.
57. Trouble Me - 10,000 Maniacs
58. Miss You Like Crazy - Natalie Cole (strike - nepotism rules ok)
59. 18 and Life - Skid Row
60 Closer To Fine - Indigo Girls
61. Forever Your Girl - Paula Abdul (strike - see Milli Vanilli)
62. My Fantasy - Teddy Riley Featuring Guy
63. Blame It On The Rain - Milli Vanilli (strike - and again)
64. End Of The Line - Traveling Wilburys
65. Two Hearts - Phil Collins
66. Don't Wanna To Lose You - Gloria Estefan
67. Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx (strike - yuck)
68. Mayor Of Simpleton - XTC
69. Anchorage - Michelle Shocked
70. Straight Up - Paula Abdul (strike - again)
71. I'll Be Loving You (Forever) - New Kids On The Block (strike - again)
72. Pop Song 89 - R.E.M.
73. Hangin' Tough - New Kids On The Block (strike - Good God, were they that popular)
74. Dear God - Midge Ure
75. Now You're In Heaven - Julian Lennon

So, apart from the meme, I am ok. 29 weeks now, and really rather big. I had the most appalling flu for a fortnight, and foolishly only took two days off work, but I'm afraid that the working guilt kicked in, and I couldn't stay off any longer. Only 3 1/2 weeks of work left - eeeek! My first two weeks are holiday, and my official maternity leave doesn't start until 17th April. Bring it on, I am knackered! It's hard crawling around on the floor with 5 and 6 year olds when you have a large watermelon attached to your front...

Having had a huge "girl" vibe for the first 5 months, I am now feeling "boy" loads. Either will do nicely quite frankly. With A, I had the whole "boy" thing going on, although I didn't have any surety, I had no doubt in my mind that he was a boy. It really is going to be a huge surprise!

Comment responses and an on-time shuffle

2007-02-02T20:38:00.000+01:00

I'm posting these here - I'm doing one for Sal too, as she did me first:

Rio:

1. So glad she posted - I totally lost her blog address!
2. I can be guaranteed to hum "Her name is Rio, and she dances on the sand" when I see your name - predictably
3. Strawberry
4. (Does it count if there are 2 others who know?) SWEATER MUFFINS!
5. Wondering where the hell Idaho was.
6. I think that you're a crisp, stylish white wine
7. How did you and VH meet? I have a feeling you were co-workers, but i don't think I ever asked
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog.

Moxie

1. I wonder if you're in labour right now?
2. Well more of a TV programme - before I started reading your blog and saw your photos of you, I remembered you as looking like Six from Blossom. But you don't. So that's wierd.
3. I suspect you and I could wrestle in any flavour. But I'll pick Lime (and can we wait until neither of us are pregnant any more??)
4. Does the Royal Box have a toilet?
5. Thinking how dainty and pretty you were in that Dome cafe
6. If you're not a bottle of Jack Daniels, I'll eat my maternity tights
7. Did you ever have any fears and worries about the whole "marry CF " thing?
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog.

Sal

1. How in the name of God is she coping so well with two really small kids, when I can't seem to manage a 5 year old and a bump?
2. The film Maybe Baby of course!(and Basil Brush - I made A watch it this weekend)
3. Blackcurrant
4. All babies should have dragon costumes. And toy fairies
5. You and I wrote the same vegetable as the vegetable we would be if we were a vegetable (it was an aubergine)
6. A marguerita of course!
7. Do you wish you'd sowed more wild oats?
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog.

Friday shuffle

1. Ordinary people - John Legend
2. I Only Want to Be with You - Hootie and the Blowfish
3. I Am Afraid- Kirsty McColl
4. Crumbs from your table - U2
5. It's Beginning to Get to Me - Snow Patrol
6. Thank You - Dido
7. Frozen - Madonna
8. Come Back to Camden - Morrissey
9. This Charming Man - The Smiths
10. Libertango- Kirsty McColl

I swear I have not bribed Scarlett for the mass inclusion of Kirsty McColl

2007-01-29T18:35:00.000+01:00

Sal left me this:

If you comment on this post:

1. I'll respond with a random thought I have about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think).
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what intoxicant you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog.

I did it on her blog and I liked it. So, if you would like to participate, please comment. Hell, comment anyway, as I like to say hi to the people who pass by...

Had a real "blue funk" weekend where I just felt tired and under the weather and generally out of sorts - spent a lot of it lounging around on the sofa, surfing silly sites and checking messageboards. It's not really what life is all about. I need to get off my ass and be productive - I feel OK in the week, the working day seems to centre me and get me going. Weekends are so lazy, that I immediately get into a downward spiral and it's a bit depressing really. So, tonight, I'm unearthing my address book and calling a few people and arranging a social life for us at weekends, we a re normally so busy, but there's been a real January feel to the last few weeks (really? No way!) Well, it's not January after Wednesday, so I'm getting out of January mode. Plus, I think I'm finally shaking off my cold, which helps. And surely to God there's some lighter mornings on the way soon????

Baby is very enthusiastically moving around all the time, which is nice. There's a whole tranche of mums at school having babies that will be in the same school year as this one, and two have very recently given birth, and both of them brought their babies for me to see today - it made me feel quite scared that there is only 16 weeks to go - and I really don't feel very organised. I need to

choose a pram
arrange for it to be bought
decorate the spare room
move A in there
redecorate A's room
refit as a nursery
get some nappies, sacks, cream, a steriliser
check that the baby monitor works
hand over to as yet unappointed replacement teacher

So not too much yet

Friday Shuffle - the Scarlett's got new songs on edition

2007-01-27T19:09:00.000+01:00

Late again - ach so

1. Libertango - Kirsty McColl
2. The Time is Now - Moloko
3. The Butcher Boy - Kirsty McColl (Scarlett is clearly as obsessed as me!)
4. Don't Think of Me - Dido
5. Crazy Love - Paul Simon (Scarlett, have you actually acknowledged the new tunes I have loaded onto you, or are you simply a lady of habit? The good news is that the enthusiastic response in my womb to every song so far means that the baby also shares our taste)
6. Let's Go - New Order (see, I told you I had loaded some new stuff!)
7. Hand In Glove - The Smiths
8. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths
9. Original Of the Species - U2
10. Good People - Jack Johnson

Three friends have lost babies in the last week. All in the first trimester, but very sad for all of them. For one, my oldest friend, it's her second miscarriage in the last five months. For another, a lost fallopian tube, and for the third, an unexpected, but not at all unwelcome "last chance" at 40. I know how lucky I am to have come through so far and to be unscathed. I also feel guilty, especially for the latter two who have to see me frequently, a constant reminder of what they have lost. It also makes me feel guilty for feeling crap, worrying about the future. And crap for thinking about other things that I can't have.

In the spirit of me doing what everyone else was doing ages ago, here is the meme of the soundtrack of my life

Opening Credits: I Don't Want to See Caroline - Kirsty McColl. Clearly it's going to be the story of me stealing someone else's man. I don't actually think I've ever done that, although there was an incident with a man who was separated from his wife.
Waking Up: Ruined in a Day - New Order. Not a good start for me here - I must be a bit sad waking up today
Falling in Love: I'd Wait for Life - Take That. Quite romantic really
Fight Song: Champagne Supernova - Oasis
Breakup Song: Swim - Madonna
Making Up Song: High - James Blunt
Life’s Okay Song: Angel of Harlem - U2
Mental Breakdown: I Can't Stop Killing You - Kirsty McColl
Driving: Candy Perfume Girl - Madonna
Flashbacks: When Love Came to Town - U2
Happy Dance: Vertigo - U2 (will I have to pay them a lot to do all these songs on the soundtrack??)
Regret: In My Arms - Snow Patrol
Final Battle First of the Gang to Die - Morrissey
Death Scene: River - Joni Mitchell
Final Credits: Sky Fits Heaven - Madonna

Well, I'd buy the sound track - wouldn't I!

Belated Friday shuffle

2007-01-20T21:27:00.001+01:00

And I forgot last weeks, not very good at this!!

1. Under African Skies - Paul Simon
2. Wooden Boat - Take That
3. Skin - Madonna
4. My Lover's Gone - Dido
5. River - Joni Mitchell - yay!!!! One day I will sing this at karaoke
6. England 2 Columbia 0 - Kirsty McColl
7. She will be loved - Maroon 5 and Buena Vista Social Club (-how great is the midsection of this shuffle???)
8. Killing me Softly - Omara Portuondo
9. Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt
10. Dancing Shoes - Arctic Monkeys and Buena Vista Social Club

There's a cuban theme to today's shuffle....

Something I always wanted to do last year when this meme was doing the rounds - answer the questions with the answers from your iPOD. So I am doing it now, and I don't even care if I'm not with the kids!!!

Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.

1. How am I feeling today? Bring it Back - Moloko
2. Will I get far in life? Out of My Mind - James Blunt
3. How do my friends see me? I Know what I Know - Paul Simon (heh heh)
4. Where will I get married? Patience - Take That
5. What is my best friend? Homeless - Paul Simon (jeez, I hope not!)
6. What is the story of my life? All You Want - Dido
7. What was high school like? Mambo de la Luna - Kirsty McColl (a dance of the moon? really??)
8. How can I get ahead in life? Shanti/Ashangti - Madonna (I should do yoga? )
9. What is the best thing about me? Thank You - Dido (I am very polite)
10. What is today going to be like? Shine - Take That
11. What is in store for this weekend? Wonderwall - Oasis
12. What song describes my parents? Some Might Say - Oasis
13. To describe my grandparents? Substitute for Love - Madonna
14. How is my life going? I'm No Angel - Dido - ha!ha! ha!
15. What song will they play at my funeral? Ex Factor - Lauryn Hill (so beautiful)
16. How does the world see me? You're Beautiful - James Blunt
17. Will I have a happy life? Honestly OK - Dido
18. What do my friends really think of me?In These Shoes - Kirsty McColl
19. Do people secretly lust after me? Don't Let Him Waste Your Time - Jarvis Cocker
20. How can I make myself happy? Little Star - Madonna (which is of course, Alfie's song)
21. What should I do with my life? Pure Pleasure Seeker - Moloko (Scarlett the iPod has spoke, I must obey...)
22. Will I ever have children? Only Wanna Be With You - Hootie and the Blowfish
23. What is some good advice for me? Lola's Theme - Shapeshifters (The main lyric is "I'm a Different Person/turn my world around")
24. How will I be remembered? Morning Glory - Oasis
25. What is my signature dancing song? Doo Wop - That Thing - Lauryn Hill
26. What is my current theme song? She's Electric - Oasis
27. What does everyone else thing my current theme song is? Yes - McAlmont and Butler

Lots of fun and some lovely tunes - I do need a greater variety on Scarlett though...

Odds and sods

2007-01-13T09:35:00.000+01:00

Had my latest scan this week (I am 21 weeks) and all is well - I have to go back in four weeks to check the chambers of the heart, but that isn't a problem - everything is fine. It was lovely to see my little one, and the scan was very clear, things have progressed even since A was in utero, and it seemed that I could practically see his/her face. I've got some nice pictures which I will try and get on here, but you know how technologically challenged I am...

It's been an odd week because I have been on my own - M has been working away, so it has been work/pick up A/home/tea/housework/bed. Plus the dishwasher has packed up, which is GREAT timing. I have felt a real crappy mother as it has all been rush, rush, rush, with lots of telly when we get home, and last minute spelling homework and reading, not to mention some very scrappy evening meals. I keep telling myself it would be different if it wasn't winter or if I wasn't pregnant, but I get so tired by the end of the day, I can barely wash up! However, I have found it difficult to sleep as I'm not used to being alone in the house in charge of one and a half children. So, it's been a wierd week. I'm sure I'll get used to it and it looks like I'm going to have to! Anyway, M came home early and surprised me on Thursday (I had already locked up the house!!!!) so he took A to school yesterday, rang the dishwasher man and did the housework in the afternoon, so that was nice. I took A to his swimming lesson and felt a bit more back to normal.

Apparently it is International Delurking week, so if you come here and never say hello, please will you? And if you come here and often say hello, please will you too?

New Year

2007-01-02T00:02:00.000+01:00

Happy New Year!

Had a nice time last night - quiet but nice. Can't believe this is the year I have TWO children! Bought the bebe two romper suits and two babygros today after panicking that I had made no progress in preparation. Also bought A some tops as he has had a real growth spurt over the last couple of months. And two tops for me. And some jewellery (in the sale - £5).

Have spent far too long on the computer today (although some of it is work related), BUT did end up having a lovely chat with Becks on her private blog - it was so lovely to "meet" you Beckie, and we did have a giggle!

Last post of the Year - and a late shuffle!

2006-12-31T09:55:00.000+01:00

31st December is always a funny day - there really is a feeling of fresh start and new hope for a new year. This has been a lovely year in so many ways.

We won't be doing much tonight - my mum and stepdad are coming over and we are making a nice meal. I doubt we'll see the New Year in, I simply can't stay up until midnight at the moment! (Must turn the phone off though if we do go to bed!)

Here's my inaugural Friday shuffle - please bear in mind that there's not many tracks on the iPod at the moment as I only just started to put things on, so it could be a bit repetitive.

1. Shine - Take That
2. Perfect Day - Kirsty McColl
3. I Still Haven't found What I'm Looking For - Coco Freeman featuring U2
4. High - James Blunt
5. Untitled - Oasis
6. Frozen - Madonna
7. Mancunian Way - Take That ( this is quite a funny song, there's a big fly-over sort of thing linking east and west Manchester called the Mancunian Way, and I used to have to travel across it to work every day. If I still did, I would have to play this song whilst I did)
8. Here With Me - Dido
9. Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis
10. I'm Not Brave - Kirsty McColl

Dix, Wonderwall was number 14 on the shuffle - not quite kismet today!

Not too bad - if you're going to have two repeated artists you can have worse than Oasis and Kirsty McColl.

There's a couple of my CDs that aren't recognised by iTunes and therefore have transferred with their titles as "track 1, track 2 etc". Is there any way of manually putting these in?

I don't really have any New Year's resolutions - I need to spend less time at work, as some of the time I spend there after school is chatting/procrastinating, and I don't have the time for that these days. I also don't want to put on too much weight, I think I'm about right for this stage in my pregnancy, about a stone, but I need to keep an eye on my chocolate and carbohydrate consumption. I want to spend less time on the Internet/crap tv. Most of my evenings are mindless surfing/staring at tv that usually I have seen before (Friends re-reuns on E4 usually). As a consequence I have read less and there are DVDs I haven't watched yet. There's a new facility on my cable to watch things that were on last week again and at your own pace ( a kind of low rent TiVo, so I could use that). My January resolution is to get things a bit more organised for the baby, starting with reorganising the bedrooms so that A is safely ensconsed in his new room before the baby comes. I have nearly paid off my credit cards, should be done by mid Feb (managed Christmas without using them at all!!! Yay me!!) so that will go towards my financial cushion for the unpaid part of maternity leave. Since I found out I was pregnant, and paid of my student overdraft, I have saved £100-£200 per month, so once they are paid off, that will go up to £400 per month. I should have 2 months salary saved by the time I'm not paid any more. So that needs to be kept on track, which is another reason to start getting things together for the baby gradually rather than all in one go. Luckily, I don't need anything big, just clothes, nappies and bottles etc ( still needed even though I am really hoping to breastfeed again).

So actually, that looks like quite a lot!

Happy New Year to all those who read this little blog. It's two years old this week! Hurray!

I am still here!

2006-12-28T14:23:00.000+01:00

I think I've had the opposite of that NaNoWriMo or whatever it was called this month. I just couldn't be a****d to write,even though I have thought about it lots...

Had a lovely Christmas, with lots of friends and family, food and chocolates. Yum. I've not really missed wine too much either, although i did find a nice 5.5% pinot grigio spritzer at Sainsbury's which i had a couple of glasses of over the festive period.

We're in the middle of rearranging all the furniture in the house to convert our dining room into a playroom, as I am feeling the need to use the space in the house more effectively, and until now, the dining room has been a "dressed" room rather than a functional one. God I'm knackered! Hopefully we will get it finished in the next couple of hours, I'm sure me blogging whilst A watches Nick Jr is really helpful to the cause.

The big news is that I have an iPod! I got it for Christmas, and I am very excited to join the Friday shuffle gang, apart from I only have one album (Take That) and three random songs purchased from iTunes on it at the moment. However, tonight's job is to put a load more stuff on it so that I am ready for tomorrow's inaugural shuffle. Very very excited, also because she is a beautiful, red (the one that gives money to AIDS charities) iPod, christened Scarlett O'Hara. I love her! I also got some nice jewellery from Pilgrim, some lovely Aromatics Elyxir goodies, some cash and a stylish compost pot for the kitchen. I'm rather pleased. A had a great time, and it is lovely to all be at home together - it's doing us the world of good.

In pregnancy news, all is well, although I suspect I have been doing too much as I am pretty sleepy (not like the first few weeks though!). Lots of movement, and then 20 week scan looms on the 9th Jan, which is a real milestone. I can't help but have little niggly worries about it, but whatever will be will be.

Had a crap week

2006-12-01T22:19:00.000+01:00

Just loads of crap to deal with. Christmas in a primary school is not something that any sane person needs to have to deal with.

Baby is really moving about now (apparently it is 10cm long) which is nice as it makes me feel more like it's real. As I worked for the NHS when I had A, I had a midwife appointment every week, heard the heartbeat every week etc. It's not like that in the real world.

I am sleeping really heavily at the moment - rudely awoken by the alarm each morning, usually from a very vivid dream. This morning's was me in a hotel lobby in New York with a man who is not my husband (!) and I had just drunk a very delicious gin and tonic (I could really TASTE it in my dream). We were about to go upstairs together but we couldn't because we were on the 25th floor, and the stairwell got smaller and smaller and narrower and narrower, so we couldn't fit. Whenever I dream about being with other men, and it does happen, hey, I am not responsible!, I am never actually unfaithful, something always happens to stop me. Something distinctly Freudian there I think. And then the alarm went off, and I was very bewildered.

I bought the most fantastic CD this week, Rhythms Del Mundo. It's fantastic, loads of really great songs like Clocks by Coldplay and I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2, but done in a Cuban Salsa style. It's amazing, really uplifting, happy, makes you want to dance even though you've got a big old pregnant ass. I thoroughly recommend it to anyone and everyone.

Christmas shopping is sort of on its way to being done. Mostly on line, the days of being able to go and have a good old all day shop are long gone.

Where on earth have I been?

2006-11-13T20:40:00.000+01:00

Well, nowhere really. Just pootling about, working, eating, sleeping (a lot), occasionally puking up, bleeding (very scary, happened in half term, but mainly brown and probably post coital, I've turned into a nympho), having a scan and getting a bump.

Also, I turned 35 this weekend, which was a bit of a milestone. When I turned 30, I had just had a baby and was breasfeeding. My sister left her husband that week. I turned 35, pregnant, and my sister got engaged to her new husband. Is there some kind of kismet/circulosity about that? (Circulosity: an excellent word just invented by me). If so, what is likely to happen when I am 40???

I had a nice birthday - saw lots of people I love and had a nice meal out in a fancy schmancy restaurant with three other couples which was lovely. I got some nice presents too, including a bag from M and S, some lovely Pilgrim jewellery, a big cheque from my Dad and some books and CDs and things.

Having the baby is feeling a lot more real now - seeing the scan was amazing! I'm sure that it is a girl, but then that may be me just being silly. I always knew that A was a boy though.

In which I participate in history, have the longest "quick lie down" ever, and eat too many satsumas

2006-10-17T18:43:00.000+01:00

Here

I heard about this over the weekend, but the lovely Moxie reminded me about it today.

I awoke at 4.30am, having decided to have a "quick lie down" at 7.15 pm after putting A to bed. I was fully dressed and wearing stilleto boots (oo-er missus). I had MISSED MY TEA. M had come home from the gym and left me to it. I can't quite believe that it happened. Anyway, I had to get up to use the bathroom, so got into my pjs in the pitch black. I really only dozed after that, so I am not exactly not tired today either.

I've been working on one of my big projects at school today, reviewing each child's IEP (Individual Education Plan) who is on the Special Needs Register. It's been rewarding, but tiring, as it's been like a day and a half of Parents' Evening solid. It's half term from this Friday, so at least that's something to look forward to. It also means that I haven't been in the classroom for a day and a half, which I found rather difficult as I've missed the children and couldn't wait to get back to them. I really love my class and teaching them this year, I will feel bad about leaving them at Easter.

Satsumas are back in the shops! Yay, the Christmas feeling is really on it's way! I bought two nets on a BOGOF at the weekend and ate five of them today. I realise five is a bit excessive, but they really are yummy and I need to be eating some healthy stuff, even though my body is shouting "get me some carbohydrates now!!!!!" at every hour of the day.

I am a proud Mummy today, as A has not only been awarded a merit badge at school, but also been put up another level in his reading, which is really good!

Worry

2006-10-14T07:53:00.000+01:00

So, I'm having a worry at the moment, basically because I have nothing to worry about. I feel brilliant. So brilliant that I am now absolutely convinced that I am not in fact pregnant, or that I once was and that something awful has happened, and now I am not really any more and I am going to have a horrible experience at my scan in ten days time.

Sickness/nausea? Gone. Tiredness? Well, yes, still there but not to the same extent. Sore boobies? Yes, but then half of me thinks perhaps that's because I'm wearing a bra 24 hours a day. I AM eating for England, but I think that's just me reacting to two and a half years of WW and scoffing whatever I fancy. That really has to stop, because I don't want to end up undoing ALL the good work I've done. Plus, I'm getting a taste for full fat ice cream and chocolate... I even managed to drink a cup of coffee this morning, the first one for five weeks. I am more or less not able to wear my fitted trousers comfortably, but then given the amount of food that I'm scoffing, I'm not really surprised about that.

Thing is, I'm only coming up to nine weeks, so really, if previous experience is anything to go by, I should be feeling like death around now, but I don't. I know that work distracts me, and obviously I have A now, and can't mope around, but really I feel worried that I feel so - normal, for want of a better word. I have wondered if I might be further on than I thought, if maybe my August period wasn't really a period, and now I'm out of the first trimester, but I think I'm grasping at straws there.

I think it's because deep down inside, I don't really feel like I deserve this. That sounds wierd I know, but I can't truly believe that I'm going to get exactly what I've wanted and that everything is going to be okay. This is a worry that pops into my head all day long, and I can't articulate it aloud, because I can't make it real. So by writing it down, I'm trying to exorcise it from my brain, make it real and see it for what it is.

My SIL had a lovely baby boy, O , on Tuesday, and seeing the photos made me LONG for this baby - so did looking at (pink) baby clothes in the Next Directory last night. Pink or blue, I really don't mind, healthy will do.

The new structure was announced at work this week. I'm definitely going to go for the new role, but as a back up, for the role that I'm in now as well (we all have to reapply for our management positions). There are going to be four roles at the level I'm applying for, so that feels nice - having peers and smaller departments to cover. I feel more like it's the job for me now I've seen where it fits into the structure.

Going for a pampering afternoon for a friend's birthday this afternoon, which should be nice. Mike is taking A to see his Dad, so I've got some "me" time. Lovely.

Carbs, glorious carbs

2006-10-10T19:01:00.000+01:00

Well, all is going well, apart from major exhaustion and a need to eat my entire bodyweight in carbohydrates at regular intervals (and that's some loaf of bread believe me!) Made the mistake of going to Sainsbury's tonight whilst ravenous and came home with two loaves of bread, a fruit loaf, a pack of Boasters, ice cream, potatoheads, and FOUR magazines (two crappy celeb, one intellectual, one food) I think i only bought the food one because there was a free sample of Green and Black's butterscotch chocolate on the front - my FAVE.

I am working my balls off at the moment, but it's all good in my quest to prove that a pregnant woman can be considered for a senior role in the workplace. Plus, I do really love it - I feel the work/life balance is pretty good at the moment.

Scooby Dooby Dooo!

2006-10-02T18:14:00.000+01:00

Had a nice weekend - went to a friends for dinner on Saturday and having had a two hour nap in the afternoon, managed until 11.45pm - result! On five no alcohol beers!! Had a lovely evening, a real laugh and fun time! Paid for it yesterday though - totally knackered and felt really sick all day. We had already decided to take A to his favourite restaurant, OCA yesterday, but I was so knackered I couldn't fancy anything - I needed to eat, so I chose mardy dough balls and canneloni as blandish and comforting - couldn't even stomach a pudding!! Went to bed the same time as Alfie last night, and feel tons better today - could've fallen asleep in my classroom this afternoon, mind, but not been quite as nauseaous. Came home and had toast and marmite and a strawberry and banana smoothie with pomegrante juice and feel very earth mothery. Home made casserole for tea smelling good!

Spoke to the hospital today - the GP misled me and I am actually going to be having a scan on 26th October, not waiting until 18 weeks, which is great. I feel like I am really showing today.

I am really loving it that Alfie's favourite tv programmes at the moment are Scooby Doo and Tom and Jerry - the old classics are the very best! Plus, we actually enjoy them as well, as some children's programmes are a little bit wearing at times!

I've decided that being pg isn't going to stop me from going for a promotion at work. We'll need the money, and I reckon that I could do the job as well as anyone else could.

Hormonally Yours

2006-09-30T07:40:00.000+01:00

So, it's the first real chance I've had to sit and take stock of my situation. Last weekend was ridiculously busy, as we went to London to a friend's wedding at Hampton Court. It was a nice day, but tiring, and expensive, and the IRONY of there being a free bar and me being teetotal was not lost on me. We were in bed for 10pm as we were knackered. Especially me. Naturally, thr friends we were with (it's a group of 10 friends and partners) sussed straight away that I was up the duff - when a known party girl is off the juice, there's usually only one reason. Everyone was really pleased for us. It did M and I good to get away for the weekend together, although relationships haven't been great for the rest of the week - hormones and shock have kicked in, more on that later.

As we pulled out of Euston on Sunday to come home, my mobile went off. My mother, looking after A for the weekend had somehow managed to deadlock our front door, which is a) a really tricky thing to do, and b) a really tricky thing to talk someone through undoing when you're on the 12.05 from Euston to Manchester Piccadilly and the signal on the phone keeps cutting out. Plus, my sister and niece had come over to spend the night, so the four of them were stuck outside our house in hot sun with no car keys (who ARE these people who don't keep all thier keys together?? This is why I am never stranded without car or housekeys - they are all together). I rang a couple of strong men friends, one of whom came around to our house and tried to get in. It's just too difficult to describe things like that over the phone, and it was so frustrating as had M or I been there we would have been able to do it. Eventually, they had to break the little pane of glass in the middle of the door and get in that way. There was a round of applause from the rest of the carraige when they finally got in.

The rest of the week has been quite tiring. Nausea has kicked in - I need to eat quite regularly, and I am being sensible. although I can't help panicking that a huge amount of weight is going to pile on. Lunchtime is a killer - tired and nauseauous, as well as after school. I was in bed at 9pm last night, unheard of for a Friday night. A few people know at school - the senior management, my three close friends and the two people I work most with, my co-teacher and teaching assistant. It's good that they do, because I must have looked pretty bad yesterday as two of them came and offered to take my class for a while yesterday afternoon. Interestingly, I do feel better in the classroom - the children take my mind off it.

Hormotional - watched the last episode of Dr Who on BBC3 last night and really really cried at the end when the Doctor and Rose are parted forever. It's Sci-Fi for God's sake!! And I'd seen it before!!! Feel grumpy with M because he's grumpy. M gets stressed when I am pregnant, he wants the end product, but would prefer it to be delivered from Tesco, he is not good with the whole thing. I do try to understand, but what I actually need at the moment is support and love while I'm feeling crap, not grumpiness. I'm also having a "what have we done?" moment, and thoughts about how we've upset our lovely life keep sliding into my head, and I don't know why. I was so sure and clear about it before, but now I'm panicking. Is this normal????? Help???

The Low Down

2006-09-25T21:19:00.000+01:00

About ten days ago, I did a pg test, and it was negative. Two days later, I got up with A at 7am and made a cup of coffee. I love coffee, but it tasted awful and really bitter. I wondered then whether I had had a false negative (at this point I was three days late) so I went to get another test I had upstairs - and dropped it down the toilet!!

So when I woke Mike up, after getting him to check the coffee (it was fine for him) I went to Tesco and bought a three pack of clearblues. Came home, did the first one, and within 10 seconds it came up with "Pregnant"!

Obviously we are overjoyed, and in particular, me, as I had really thought that it wasn't meant to be. We haven't told A yet, mainly because I think he would say something at school and I don't really want any of the parents knowing yet. Apart from that we are telling friends and family because I am very much of the opinion that if God forbid, something were to happen, I would need thier support.

So, I'm due on the 23rd May - I think that we get too hung up on dates and things, so I'm just thinking May, rather than a specific date. I saw my GP today, which to be honest was anti climactic to say the least, and it would seem that where I live, nothing happens until 18 weeks, when I get scanned, blood tests, midwife appointment etc, which seems like ages away.

No terrible symptoms, tired, stretchy feeling in my abdomen, starving hungry, and had a couple of waves of feeling sick - but with A, the real nausea and vomiting kicked in at about 6/7 weeks, so we shall see. Oh and boobs like torpedoes. Some would say no change there.

Blimey

2006-09-24T22:08:00.000+01:00

I'm pregnant.

I am almost 35 years old, and still I don't understand myself

2006-09-05T21:13:00.000+01:00

I think that that's all I need to say. All I can really say.

In the Middle of the Night/He was talking in my sleep (apologies to Billy Joel)

2006-08-30T19:34:00.001+01:00

One of the advantages of having the holidays is that I have had a chance to catch up and really properly read other blogs. Jeez I am boring. I read Poppy, and Dixie, Moxie and Sally (hey, all ending in an "ee" sound! Like me!) and they completely absorb and interest me, and indeed the others that read them. My blog is like I am some kind of fourteen year old; "Dear Diary, today I had weetabix for my birthday, zzzzzz......"

I need to make a blogging resolution - that there should be more about my thoughts. I am a reasonably amusing person, but I read like a piece of soggy cauliflower.

Last night I HAD to get out - rang up my mate C who lives at the bottom of my road and we had a girls road trip to a retail park (I know, I know, but this is the UK, it was there or a pub). I treated myself to the swirl print kaftan on this page which I will (and indeed am) wear over a vest and jeans rather than a swimsuit, as a swimsuit isn't high on my agenda at the moment. I think I am just in a bizarre place where I know I am back at work on Monday and there's a countdown that relentlessly is taking me there and there's nothing I can do about it - it's a sort of no-man's land. Oh and:

An Open Letter

Dear Man Who Walked Down My Road At 3.30am today,

I have no idea whether you were drunk or you are some kind of schizophrenic who has not taken his medication. I suspect a combination of the two. Thank you for the extraordinarily loud, nay, shouted conversation/argument you had with yourself/an invisible person/an extraordinarily quiet person. I had NO IDEA until that moment that what I really needed to do was to have a very early morning today. Naturally, initially I chose to ignore your salient advice to make the most of previously unchartered territory of the wee hours, and sillyly attempted to get back to sleep. However, after two hours of tossing and turning, I aceded to your superior knowledge and arose from my bed at 5.20am, and made the most of my day. Thank you for enabling me to laminate all my school resources and clean out and rearrange my kitchen cupboards this morning, whilst acquainting myself with the ITV Early News Hour and the beginning of the Sarah Kennedy show.

Without you, none of this would have been possible.

Signed, a woman who is so frigging tired, she cannot actually remember her name.

I am a Domestic Goddess today. I have made my first ever casserole. I realise that this is probably taught in some kind of beginner's "cook for yourself" class, but I must have missed that day, because although I am Queen of many other dishes, casseroles have just passed me by. So pride is in place.

PS Can anyone help me with the way to make this blog pretty? With Blogrolling and other pretty things and stuff? I know that you have to put it into the Template, but I really need a "one, do this, two do that..." set of instructions.Ta!

In the Middle of the Night/He was talking in my sleep (apologies to Billy Joel)

2006-08-30T19:34:00.000+01:00

sob Only a week to go

2006-08-25T08:58:00.000+01:00

The school holidays will be over in a week's time. Where have they gone?? I thought that we would get bored and need ideas for keeping occupied, but we seem to have breezed through, with a nice balance of kids stuff, Mummy stuff, seeing people, being alone... I can't believe it's nearly over!!!

Not really looking forward to the beginning of term - nothing personal to school or the job or children (who seem absolutely gorgeous this year!) - just enjoying being at home, and feel very content and serene. Last year was a bit tumultuous at times (things I can't write about in a blog) and although generally I was very happy, and remain very happy, there are always niggles. I really hate politics at work, and yet my natural nosiness and "need to know" means that I can't help getting involved - not physically, but emotionally. Generally, I keep my opinions to myself, because on the whole, it's easier, but I know them and go over them in my head, if that makes sense. I really want to make a concerted effort to keep out of stuff this year.
My aim is to get on with stuff and do a good job, be nice to people, see no evil, hear no evil, and most importantly, speak no evil.

In other news, I have lost 6lb in two weeks (5 last week, 1 this week) which is good, although I still have another 10lbs to get to a happier weight, and then I'd ideally like another 2 stone off after that. One of the things I've really cut back on is *gasp* wine. I haven't had any since the weekend, and before that, the weekend before. I haven't really missed it, and I've found that I sleep better. Even a glass or two can have me awake at 5am after a crappy night. I've been drinking a bottle (330mls) of Becks no alcohol beer most evenings, and it's lovely, a real placebo. It reassured me that I hopsfully don't have a physical addiction to alcohol, but a habit of pouring a glass to relax - as the no alcohol stuff seems to do the trick fine. I have spent some time worrying about my wine consumption, and looking for signs that it's too much - whenever I mention that to anyone, like Mike, Mum, sister, they all say no way, which is good as you would think they'd be the ones who would be worrying about it if there was a problem. I do have a tendency to worry about stuff like that.

Mike and I are going out for a meal tonight, ostensiably to discuss possible move to the SW coast. I am really not very keen on the idea now at all. Having the big house party last weekend for A's birthday, with loads of great friends and family there made me think really hard about leaving my comfort zone and it scares the shit out of me. I love our house, I like my job, our support network is great... I hope we don't fall out over it.

I'm also coming to terms with the fact that there might not be another baby. I know it's only 4 months trying, but I really did think that it might have happened by now - stupid I know given previous experience. Supposedly, the problem that I had when I was trying to concieve last time is sorted out, but maybe not. I did promise Mike that we wouldn't go through the whole hospital/tests/medication route again, that we would practise a whole "if it's meant to be it's meant to be attitude". And I feel ok with that. I love my life with A. He's so much of a little man now, so independent, and I can devote my time to him. His life would be enhanced by a sibling, but then there are other things that he has like full attention of his parents instead. If it doesn't happen, I really think i might be ok about it. The thing I wouldn't have been ok with would have been not trying.

Happy Birthday to the best boy ever!!

2006-08-21T22:36:00.000+01:00

Today my beautiful boy is five years old. He's changed my life completely and for the better. He is the funniest, most gorgeous, most interesting person ever born, and I thank God every day for him.

I can't quite believe that 5 years have passed - in lots of ways it's flown by, and in others it's been an eternity. I can't remember life before him.

I love you my darling baby boy - you had a lovely day today, and so did we.

xxxxxxxxx

2006-08-18T08:52:00.000+01:00

Feeling so much better this morning. Last night, it was Robbie Williams, so it just goes to show that the brain is quite random, and it means nothing. M and I had a talk about moving last night that ended in me crying, which was not a bad thing (it wasn't a row at all) as it was quite cathartic. I feel very calm and relaxed today, and my lovely husband brought me coffee and my laptop in bed and cuddled me, all clean and gorgeous from his shower. It's a good start to the day.

Lots to do today, we are having a BBQ tomorrow, looking at the weather it will prolly end up as an indoor buffet! Shopping to do, plus a birthday cake to be made for a certain young man, who is having THREE celebrations this year - tomorrow for friends and family, Monday, the day itself, when he has chosed to go to Gullivers World and for a pizza, and a party for his schoolfriends at a soft play when they go back to school. He deserves it. Can't believe he is going to be 5! Where has this person gone?

I'm a Dreamer

2006-08-17T09:43:00.000+01:00

When I'm at work, I seem to always dream about work - in the holidays it's a bit different. Two nights out of the last three I have had quite disturbing dreams about husbands of friends. In one of them, the wife was saying - here you go, you two, I'm letting you get on with it and encouraging us to get together (she wasn't there, it wasn't anything saucy like that!!) - and in the dream, I remember thinking "I don't think that this is what I actually want!" but feeling that I ought to - plus her husband (who is in RL very very handsome) didn't look like himself in the dream, looked a bit seedy and kissed like you were kissing a sink plunger. I woke up feeling really wierd.

Last nights was even wierder - concerned some very good friends. She was nowhere to be seen, but we appeared to be on holiday together. In my dream, he got in bed with me one night, and was whispering to me "I really fancy you, I know it's wrong, I want you so much, ever since I saw you in that red dress..." and in the dream, I was unbelievably aroused by that, but, pushed him away and told him that his wife is one of my dearest friends so he could forget it. Not, note, I don't fancy you or, actually I'm very happily married. I woke up feeling even more disturbed. and the images from my dream keep popping into my head.

What is it all about? All my life with M, I have had crushes on other people, although not for years, probably since before A was born. I think that's because M isn't the kind of man I expected to fall in love with - he's so placid and kind and loving, and I've always been turned on by the volatile, stronger personalitied kind of man. My worse crush ever was with someone who was the epitome of that, and it nearly broke M and I up, as this person, although with someone else too, admitted he felt the same, but knew that our personalities were too similar to make it work (I quote: "we'd never stop fighting, but then we'd never get out of bed either")

M and I are in a good place and we have been for years. I don't know why this is rearing its ugly head again after years of being underground. I'm feeling worried

Hello Aunt Flo

2006-08-16T09:34:00.000+01:00

Say no more.

Thanks Sally, Mox and Dix for your comments on the last blog. I was very touched, you made me smile! I wasn't fishing for compliments (truly!) just trying to sort my head out, it's scary to see yourself caught unawares on video, I suppose for the mirror and the camera we unconsciously put ourselves into positions that we know are our best.

I am having a lazy day today (I am speaking from my bed - it's 9.30am!!) and A is in his PJs watching TV - he is on strict instructions to come up when Mr Men video has finished. Feeling mardy because of above, but also, when did I last veg in bed?? I have some plans for later involving cleaning the cars, so it's not all laziness

I have finished paying off my PGCE overdraft! Yessssss!!!! I celebrated by getting myself a pair of shoes I have coveted forever on ebay - and they were only £16 in my local shoe emporium here - and to think I could have paid £30 +p and p on ebay! They will of course cripple me and I have no place whatsoever to wear them, but that simply is not the point with shoes. Plus, I have sworn not to buy any clothes until I am back to a fighting weight, so shoes are the placebo.

I am Imelda Marcos

Girl on Film

2006-08-15T08:48:00.000+01:00

Back from our week in Devon - which was a lovely holiday. We took the boys out for three days, and had a nice time, although two four year olds are a handful, especially when they are sharing a bedroom and not getting enough sleep... glad I didn't have twins! It's a strange experience spending a whole week at someone's house, you're not really a guest, more a housemate, and being me, I was very anxious not to be a burden - cue me getting up every morning with the boys, constantly stacking and unstacking the dishwasher and tidying up, and then taking the boys out. Cue me beginning to feel somewhat resentful. I don't help myself. I also became very frustrated by others' disorganisation - we spent most of Saturday driving to two beaches miles away and then wondering why we couldn't find a parking space in an extraordinarily busy Devon town. I am the kind of person who is at IKEA/Trafford Centre as it opens to avoid the crowds and get a good speck. I think there's some hormonal issues too (I will NOT say PMT as I am clinging on to hope this month) It's so beautiful down there, Mike and I are considering a move - at least we were last week, but now we're home I'm not so sure, although I know he still is. A week somewhere gorgeous is idyllic, but we really need to think with our heads and not our hearts - I certainly don't want to be worse off financially, and I would like to go part time at some point in the next few years. We're going to have a night out with a big pad and pen and try to thrash it out.

The other thing that happened last week was that our friend C video'd us getting off a little ferry. It is years since I saw myself on film, and despite the five stone off (more like four at the moment) it's not a pretty sight. I looked like a dumpy housewife. It was a real shock, as my slf image has been good recently, and I imagine myself as quite svelte in a curvy way these days - clearly this is not the case, although the extra baggage I am carrying right now won't help. It was rather depressing to say the least. I also have buck teeth and a big jaw. And very sturdy limbs. However, the thought of it is helping to keep me on the straight and narrow in terms of shedding the crept on stone at the moment. I don't know how I am doing as I was not at home to weigh last week. I tried very very hard, despite being on holiday. A couple of ice creams and a plate of chips did sneak in. Back home and on the waggon now, so fingers crossed.

Been in school yesterday and today. My new colleague is young and enthusiastic, and although initially I felt very threatened by this, I overcame that, and I am embracing her enthusiasm and ideas and now feel very keen and reinvigorated too. She's going to be very good for me, as I think I was in danger of becoming a little stale. Last year wasn't the greatest for me at work, mostly because of worrying about A, but things are settled now, so i have great expectations for next year. I would like today to be the last I am in school for a while though, I have been in every day that I have been at home - only when on holiday have I not been in.

First week of the holidays is over

2006-08-06T08:42:00.000+01:00

I do feel like we've made a lot of the first week, which is great. Mike and I had a lovely weekend once I'd got over the sobbing. We went into Manchester and did grown up things like look around shops, have a leisurely lunch at a non child friendly restaurant (with wine!!) and um, buy A some clothes, and um, talk a lot about A... On Sunday we spent till 2pm in bed reading THREE Sunday papers and a celeb gossip magazine, which was fab, and then mooched around the Trafford Centre and went for a greek meal in the evening. Monday we were both in work, and A came home in the afternoon, so we took him and Mum out for tea. Result: A week of eating out for me!

On Tuesday we went camping here with some friends. It has been the hottest July ever this year, and August predicted to be even more so (which always makes me think of Stevie Wonder) so why in the name of all that is nameless did it absolutely throw it down for the whole holiday??? We arrived and the driving freezing rain made getting tents up a real challenge, but Mike and J, our friend worked really hard. The rain stopped at least once they were up and we could feed the children and ourselves, and have a few drinks, but started again in the night and was relentless for the rest of the day. We had to go to visit a steam railway and some caves because they were indoors, and had our tea at Pizza Hut in Harrogate. On thursday we had to pack up and go, and only then did the weather clear up - lovely sunshine. We went to Brimham Rocks.

Tomorrow we are off to Exeter to stay the week with our friends who moved there last year, so I'm looking forward to that - just ironing and packing to do today, which I really must get on with. When we get back there will be three weeks of the holiday left, which feels like a good way to do it - get the "formal" holiday over and done with and have the chilling out time at the end.

As a result of all the eating out and drinking wine and general lax behaviour in the healthy eating department I had a real shock when I got on the scales on Friday - a REAL shock. I am back on WW with a vengance as a result - there are some tight waistbands in the Zoe wardrobe and I can't afford to replace stuff. I have bought a new purple notebook to write everything down in and dusted down the books. I'm not bothered about getting to goal, but I do want to go back to where I was at my lowest.

Had a really good haircut yesterday and very subtle highlights - I'm really pleased!

Sobbing

2006-07-28T18:26:00.000+01:00

Is what me and A have just done as he left for my Mum's with Mike. I was NOT expecting that. Not from him anyway, I sob uncontrollably at most things. I did double check with him that he wanted to go (not sure Mike was too keen on cancelling the weekend, but his feelings are irrelevant ;) )and he does still want to, and he will have a great time. This is the third year he has been for the weekend and he's never done that before.

God parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster.

Nearly sorted out my room at school.

Hurray, hurray, it's a holi-holiday

2006-07-27T20:36:00.000+01:00

Thank God, the term is finished. Each term seems to follow a pattern - as it gets towards the end, I seem to get busier and busier and eat more and more crap and drink more wine. This one is no exception.

We are all knackered and we all have to swap rooms this year, so everyone is stressed and a bit snappy, which we could do without.

I had a nice last day today - lots of nice presents, but mostly what was nice was some of the lovely letters and cards from parents. Considering I haven't really enjoyed this class so much this year a lot of the time, I really didn't think I'd done that much of a good job this year, but there you go.

I'm really looking forward to the holidays - we've some nice things planned but mainly I just want a rest. A is going to stay with my Mum for the weekend tomorrow, so I can have a couple of lie ins and M and I can spend some quality time together. I've bought a basque. Pity it's going to be too hot to wear it.

Bits and bobs

2006-07-15T08:22:00.000+01:00

Well they were successful memes igniting lots of interest... hmmmm.

I have had a funny week. In the middle of it I built myself a huge crazy vine, the likes of which I haven't built for years - imagining all sorts of things were going to happen and convincing myself that people were thinking things about me/about to come and haul me over the coals for stuff. Luckily it didn't last very long, but it reminded me that that's not a good place to be! I'm glad that crazyville isn't a place I am very much these days.

It's been a crap month for baby making - hot, sticky, busy and we've both had debilitating summer colds at the optimum time - so I'm sort of dismissing July, and moving on to making August a hot loving month.

It's that time of year where the summer holidays are tantalisingly close, but still far away - this week has been Sports Days, Bastille Day, Sports Relief, assessments, and has been such a long week. Our weekend should be peaceful and family orientated (last one like that for a while) and we have some housework to do and I have promised Alfie a mummy/boy baking session, which is nice.

I'm having some real Mummy guilt at the moment, although I am lucky because I do see A during the working day, I am always so busy, there never seems to be enough hours in the day. He does seem perfectly happy, but I want to make sure that this summer we have lots of fun together.

I have a HUGE coldsore. I hope it goes in time for the Christening next weekend.

I don't care if you're bored of these, I'm having fun!

2006-07-02T09:06:00.000+01:00

So, with this one, you copy and paste the questions into the comments and answer them - it's a giggle!

01. Who are you?
02. Are we friends?
03. When and how did we meet?
04. Do/Did you have a crush on me?
05. Would you kiss me?
06. Describe me in one word.
07. What was your first impression?
08. Do you still think that way about me now?
09. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. When’s the last time you saw me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
14. Are you going to put this on your blog/journal and see what I say about you?

Another

2006-07-02T08:54:00.000+01:00

20 years ago I was fourteen. That makes me feel old, I thought I was about six! I was fat with terrible hair and an awful complex about myself. I'd just got into amateur drama which was good for me in lots of ways and also taught me lots of bad habits. I wouldn't not do it though if I had the chance again. Mum and Dad were having a lovely acrimonious divorce and life was pretty crap. I thought too much about what others thought of me.

10 years ago I was working my arse off in a job that I thought was the be all and end all. i had just got married and was living in my first owned home. Euro 96 had just been on in the UK, and that summer we went to 132 weddings.

5 years ago today I was on the first day of my maternity leave. I was huge and uncomfortable and the weather was extremely hot. I was dead excited about the baby, and as usual, hyper organised so had very little to do except lounge around reading magazines and eating ice lollies.
3 years ago I was in France with M and A and Mum and tony. It was a great holiday, A was saying seven word sentences and had his first olives. I was about to start my teaching degree

1 year ago I was anxious about A finishing nursery and starting big school. I was waiting for my sister to have her baby. I had maintained my weight loss for one year

So far this year I have been amazed to find out that M wants another baby, realised that work isn't very important

Yesterday I had a lovely day with my husband and child and rather a lot of red wine

Today I am going out for my Dad's surprise birthday lunch

Tomorrow I am taking my class to thier school trip

In the next year I would like to lose another stone, get pregnant, decide where my career is going and make some decisions about home renovations

Stolen from Poppy!

2006-07-02T07:19:00.000+01:00

The rules are that you are allowed to name up to three answers to each question. It's quite hard!

Song(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being:
Earthsong by Michael Jackson
Anything by Westlife

Artist(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being:
Michael Jackson
Gareth Gates
Westlife

Rolling Stones Song(s) I Love:
She's a Rainbow
Sympathy for the Devil
Jumpin' Jack Flash

Beatles Song(s) I Love:
The Long and Winding Road
Get Back
Hey Jude

Who Song(s) I Love:

Reggae Song(s) I Love:

Country Song(s) I Love:
It's Five O'Clock Somewhere - Jimmy Buffet
I Can't Make you Love Me - Bonnie Raitt (but the George Michael version)

Movie Soundtrack(s) I Love:
Bridget Jones' Diary
Chocolat

Musical soundtrack(s) I Love:
Cabaret
West Side Story
Evita

Cover Song(s) I Love:
I Can't make you Love me - George Michael
Love the One You're With - Will Young
Relight My Fire - Take That with Lulu

Contemporary Top-40 Artist(s) I Secretly Love:
I don't usually do secret - I'm usually out and proud about stuff I like. I'm liking The Zutons at the moment

Song(s) That Bring Me to Tears:
River - Joni Mitchell
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
Little Star - Madonna

Song(s) That Make Me Shake My Ass:
Groovejet - Spiller
Girls and Boys - Blur
Relight My fire - Take That

Classical Composer(s) I Love:
Mozart

Rap/Hip-Hop Song(s) I Love:
I quite like Golddigger by Kanye West

70s Disco Song(s) I Love:
Young Hearts Run Free - Candi Stanton

70s Supergroup Song(s) I Love:
Letter from America -Supertramp

Metal Song(s) I Love:
Always - Bon Jovi

New Wave Song(s) I Love:
Blue Monday - New Order
Atomic - Blondie
(spooky Poppy)

Soul/R&B Song(s) I Love:
Say a Little Prayer - Aretha Franklin
Let's Stay Together - Al Green

Power Ballad(s) I Love:
Does Weekend in new England by Barry Manilow count?

Pre 1950s Song(s) I Love:

Punk Song(s) I Love:
Teenage Kicks - The Undertones
Rock the Kasbah - The Clash

Singer/Songwriter Song(s) I Love:
Late in the Evening - Paul Simon
Cowboys and Angels - George Michael

MTV Video(s) I Love:
Relight my Fire - Take That

Songs To Have Sex To:
Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack
The entire "Moonsafari" album by Air

Guilty Pleasures:
Jack Johnson

Yay! Back with my own lappy!

2006-06-30T20:39:00.000+01:00

Like my dear friend Sal, I am back in the land of my own laptop which is lovely news for me.

I had an unexpectedly good shop tonight, as is always the way. I just popped to the Trafford Centre to get my Dad a birthday present, and ended up in Mandolin, as over the weekend I had rearranged my wardrobe into seasons rather than colours (I realise I am coming across as boring as well as anal here) and realised that i don't have many short sleeved tops for the summer. I found four really nice tops in the sale, one black, one red, one pink and one brown, that will go with loads of stuff, and then I spotted a gorgeous cream jacket that will go really well with a black and cream skirt I bought in a sale. My niece is being christened in July and M and I area godparents along with Viv's boyfriend's sister L and her husband. L is very beautiful, a bit like Kelly Brook and also a bit bitchy (but with a smile on her face) so the issue of what to wear has been at the forefront. I got a wonderful dress in Monsoon over half term which I love and looks lovely, but shows A LOT of cleavage, which is not something I am ever adverse to, but is not always great on an altar at a Catholic Church. There are ways of covering it up (pashminas etc), but I'm still not sure. The other option is this skirt, but I really would need a jacket, anyway, I bought it, and it was VERRAH expensive (for me) but I like it and it's flattering so what the heck. If I'd deliberately gone out to get a jacket, it would never have been there.

Sugar Honey Iced Tea

2006-06-27T21:40:00.000+01:00

God I had the most dreadful thing happen today.

We had our class assembly today (went exceptionally well) and about half an hour later, one of the little girls in our class complained of a tummy ache, so I sent her to the toilet. Then she began to cry so I called her over to me and she climbed on my knee. Her mum works in the nursery so I told her I would take her over to her mum as she seemed so ill - then I tried to get her to stand so I could take her. All of a sudden she began to wail and moan and went completely floppy and a ghastly shade of white/yellow/grey/green. I had a parent helper with me who is a nurse and she said"I think she's really not well", so we lay her down and S took her pulse and told me to call an ambulance. I had already sent one of the kids for a first aider and the parent helper next door for her mum, so I ran to the office and told them to call 999. I got back to class and sent the other children next door and then her mum arrived, and the Head. The wait for the ambulance seemed to take forever, her mum and the nurse were excellent. Eventually the paramedics arrived and took over, they took her to hospital.

What a nightmare. I had a good cry after that because I was scared shitless, I really thought that she would die in front of me.

It turns out that she has quite a minor thing, and is ok - her mum brought her back to see me and gave me some chocolates, but my God I was scared.

Quite frankly...

Next year

Five minutes

15 lbs

Ambition

This much I know about the gym

Happy New Year etc

New Years Eve Eve

I have been twice!

Went to the gym

99 weeks to go

100 weeks to go (well tomorrow anyway)

Week one... 101 weeks to go

So far so good

Fab and foxy at forty!

So so rubbish at blogging

A Book blog

More!

I am not Mary Whitehouse, but....

If you were going to the SATC Premiere

Here comes the Sun!

Had such a lovely break

I was in my local Co-Op today

I am naughty

Tagged

Sixteen Years Ago Today

Feeling a bit better

A Year Of Non-Extraneous Spending

Is it all worth it?

Feminism rules ok?

New things I like so far in 2008

Come Dine With Me

And the first week is over

The new regime

Insomnia

Baby snogs

I watched Mary Poppins yesterday

Happy new Year!!!

Here are some lovely photos

And after two months silence a ...meme!!!

A two month hiatus

Sick as a man?

Food for thought

*blows dust off blog*

Update

Update and photos (or at least a link!)

Woo-hoo!

In these shoes...I doubt you'd survive

Friday's Child

There's a light at the end of the tunnel

Hopefully, the last pre-baby shuffle

meme

Baby update

Interviewed by Poppy

Update

Monday morning

Maternity Leave! Yay!!!!

Spring cleaning

Where have you been????

Comment responses and an on-time shuffle

Friday Shuffle - the Scarlett's got new songs on edition

Belated Friday shuffle

Odds and sods

New Year

Last post of the Year - and a late shuffle!

I am still here!

Had a crap week

Where on earth have I been?

In which I participate in history, have the longest "quick lie down" ever, and eat too many satsumas

Worry

Carbs, glorious carbs

Scooby Dooby Dooo!

Hormonally Yours

The Low Down

Blimey

I am almost 35 years old, and still I don't understand myself

In the Middle of the Night/He was talking in my sleep (apologies to Billy Joel)

In the Middle of the Night/He was talking in my sleep (apologies to Billy Joel)

*sob* Only a week to go

Happy Birthday to the best boy ever!!

blows dust off blog

sob Only a week to go